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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsOnion: Biden Searching White House One Last Time For Missing Pet Snake
Biden Searching White House One Last Time For Missing Pet Snake
http://www.theonion.com/article/biden-searching-white-house-one-last-time-missing--55080
WASHINGTONUrging staffers to keep their eyes peeled for a scaly little fucker without any legs, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly searched the White House one last time Wednesday for his missing 12-year-old pet coral snake, Fruit Loop. Look, I just found a discarded skin on a chair in the Roosevelt Room, so I know hes still slithering around here someplace, said Biden, who sources confirmed rummaged through the drawers of the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office and crawled around on his hands and knees peering underneath furniture for the 3-foot-long snake. Fruit Loop cant be farhe usually hauls ass straight for the East Wing whenever he flies the coop. If you hear something weird going on in the pipes, just get me on the horn and Ill come lickety-split with a pole to snatch him. I cant fuck up againIm already on thin ice after he mixed it up with Bo during the 2014 Easter Egg Roll. At press time, Biden was dangling a dead mouse near the White House kitchens oven and calling the snakes name.
http://www.theonion.com/article/biden-searching-white-house-one-last-time-missing--55080
WASHINGTONUrging staffers to keep their eyes peeled for a scaly little fucker without any legs, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly searched the White House one last time Wednesday for his missing 12-year-old pet coral snake, Fruit Loop. Look, I just found a discarded skin on a chair in the Roosevelt Room, so I know hes still slithering around here someplace, said Biden, who sources confirmed rummaged through the drawers of the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office and crawled around on his hands and knees peering underneath furniture for the 3-foot-long snake. Fruit Loop cant be farhe usually hauls ass straight for the East Wing whenever he flies the coop. If you hear something weird going on in the pipes, just get me on the horn and Ill come lickety-split with a pole to snatch him. I cant fuck up againIm already on thin ice after he mixed it up with Bo during the 2014 Easter Egg Roll. At press time, Biden was dangling a dead mouse near the White House kitchens oven and calling the snakes name.
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Onion: Biden Searching White House One Last Time For Missing Pet Snake (Original Post)
Miles Archer
Jan 2017
OP
It could probably survive biting a human, but it's a goner if it bites Trump!
herding cats
Jan 2017
#5
Sanity Claws
(21,849 posts)1. It made me laugh
I hope this is a true, even if only in an alternate Universe.
Eleanors38
(18,318 posts)2. Regrigerator. Coils.
Gothmog
(145,274 posts)3. I love the Onion
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)4. Let's hope the snake doesn't get sick after biting a human.
[img][/img]
herding cats
(19,564 posts)5. It could probably survive biting a human, but it's a goner if it bites Trump!
bullwinkle428
(20,629 posts)6. The Onion MUST continue the Biden stories into the post-Vice
Presidential era...I declare it to be a mandate!
K&R.
Ilsa
(61,695 posts)7. I hope Joe sees this. I love that man. NT
SticksnStones
(2,108 posts)8. Oh Joe, gonna miss you so...
There ought to be a "Have Joe Over For Meatloaf" contest or lottery....could be a great fundraiser.
mountain grammy
(26,622 posts)9. Now that did make me laugh
Hekate
(90,698 posts)10. Laugh and Rec
Gonna miss the Joe stories so bad
NBachers
(17,110 posts)11. Coral snake - one of the deadliest snakes of all. Be a shame if it stuck around the White House.
elmac
(4,642 posts)12. Fruit Loop would have made a good pet for sniffles
but the poor thing would surely die if it bit sniffles.
longship
(40,416 posts)13. Fruit Loop!!!!
Amimnoch
(4,558 posts)14. well, he's about to have company
From fat orange snake that's about to move into it.
FailureToCommunicate
(14,014 posts)15. No worries. Trump will find it. He speaks Parseltongue
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