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HOT OFF THE PRESS-Lets read together- Why Is Drumpf Returning to Birther-Style Attacks on Obama?
It was a long 25 hours. But the White House ended its silence Sunday morning with an official statement responding to a series of extraordinary tweets by President Donald Trump the day before.
Trump had claimed, without evidence or explanation, that President Barack Obama had wiretapped Trump’s phone lines during the 2016 election. The White House confirmed on Sunday that it would neither explain the basis for the president’s accusation or offer additional comment on the matter. The president is calling for a congressional investigation into the alleged wiretapping, the statement said.
Guessing at a president’s motivations has long been a national pastime for political junkies and journalists, but never quite like this.
There is, however, an unmistakable familiarity to Trump’s latest accusations against Obama. Without knowing whether Trump’s tweets were based on an intelligence report, a news report, a conspiracy theory, or something else entirely—one must consider the possibility that the unsubstantiated claims are, in fact, a political strategy. Trump has peddled a lie as a way to delegitimize Obama in the past.
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/03/a-wiretap-accusation-and-the-echo-of-birtherism/518643/
Deplorable Donald Drumpf, you are not fit to carry the beloved 44th president's briefcase. Drumpf is upset that high society embraced Barack Obama from the first time he appeared on the public scene and still dismisses him as the vulgarian who is invited to a party and takes a dump in the dip bowl.
13 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
Projection
Often the narcissist will criticize you for things which you are not guilty of but which in fact the narcissist is guilty of. An example of this is that the narcissist may accuse you of being angry when in fact it is the narcissist that is showing signs of anger. People who live with a narcissist, therefore, can often be accused of being selfish, inconsiderate, envious, dishonest, arrogant, etc. (i.e., the very traits that are typical of narcissists).
By way of example,
Family member: why did you just lie to me there?
Narcissist: you are the one who is lying
Projection is considered to be one of the ego's defense mechanisms. It involves attributing our own unacceptable feelings to others. In this way the narcissist rids himself of some of his own unacceptable feelings, while simultaneously raising himself even further relative to others by pushing them down via the projection of the negative traits onto them. This also puts you on the defense and therefore the narcissist is more in control of the relationship.
When a narcissist delivers a lot of criticisms to someone, sometimes those criticisms can reveal either what the narcissist is secretly thinking or doing or what the narcissist is secretly planning to do.
====Lying and gaslighting
A narcissist might claim not to have said something which he/she did say. Sometimes this behaviour is so ingrained that the narcissist can contradict himself/herself within the same sentence! Sometimes they will hold their ground even when faced with written evidence or multiple witnesses who are contradicting his claims. This puts you on the defense and therefore the narcissist is more in control of the relationship. This behavior can be extremely frustrating for the family or other person dealing with the narcissist, so PAY ATTENTION to what he says and to what you say in response. Otherwise, he can convince you that you are the crazy one.
Lots of information if you care to read it so you know what we're dealing with and the Con.
https://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Living_With_a_Narcissist
Accept that there are some things you cannot change
The following tips are intended to help in dealing with the aggression and often bizarre behaviour of the narcissist, although it has to be said that some of these points may be hard to accept.
- If your partner is a narcissist then accept that you will have to work hard to preserve your own self-esteem and to preserve the self-esteem of your children.
- Be aware that the narcissist can respond negatively if you compliment other people while you are in the narcissist's company. The narcissist is likely to see a compliment paid to someone else as an indirect insult to the narcissist (e.g. the narcissist might say something like "you are always saying good things about X but you never say anything good about ME"
. That said, beware not to adopt the narcissist's ingrained habit of criticising others. A person who picks up the narcissist's habit of constantly backbiting or criticising others will not be able to backbite as graciously as the narcissist can. In addition, picking up the narcissist's habit of backbiting is in some regards rather like trying to fight fire with fire.
- Don't expect the narcissist to understand jokes the way that non-narcissists do. Just accept this and go and enjoy telling jokes to people who are not narcissistic.
- Give the narcissist what he or she wants when he or she wants it and do not expect the narcissist to reciprocate any favours.
- Don't expect the narcissist to take any real interest in you (unless he or she is very eager to please you for some self-serving reason, in which case the narcissist will be very good at pretending to be interested in you).
- Do not expect the narcissist to apologise or to show any consideration for your feelings. Ever. The narcissist is never wrong.
- Be careful about making any expression of affection towards the narcissist as the narcissist might respond to this in a nasty manner, particularly if the narcissist thinks that you are becoming too dependent upon him or her to the point that you are needy "wet blanket", which can become an inconvenient annoyance to the narcissist. After all, wanting attention from the narcissist because you care about him or her is asking a favor: you are asking for their attention and love. The narcissist knows this will lead to you expecting other things commonly expected of the other side when in a healthy relationship. Not going to happen. Also, do try to keep your independence and, if possible, try to make the narcissist to some extent dependent on you. This is a delicate balancing act: you must give them constant attention and compliments, just not too much where they might think it's affection, which normally requires some type of reciprocation. You simply have to idolize them and be their slave.
- Expect to have to clean up after the narcissist but don't expect the narcissist to clean up after you.
- Expect the narcissist to try to demand all of your time but don't expect the narcissist to give up his or her time for you.
- Expect the narcissist to be impossible to please. Just think how unfortunate you would be if nobody was able to make you happy.
- Expect the narcissist to be unhappy when he or she discovers that you actually want to do what they want you to do. When you actually want to do the task which the narcissist has given you the narcissist may perceive this as being a bit like sharing and/or being on an equal standing, and this can make the narcissist feel disappointed. If you do truly want to do something that the narcissist also wants, frame it as agreeing with their wishes and demands, rather than you both deciding to do something you both want.
- Don't ever say to the narcissist anything like "please have a heart". Trying to appeal to the narcissist in this way is likely to make matters worse rather than better.
- Never invite a narcissist to apologise.
- Don't expect a narcissist to pay attention to things which do not affect them personally (unless, of course, the narcissist is eager to impress the present company for self-serving reasons, in which case he/she will try hard to take an interest in the topic of discussion).
- Don't expect the narcissist to tell you the usual personal information about themselves (e.g. the narcissist may be reluctant to reveal much information about his/her childhood other than those things which he/she chooses to reveal). However, early on in the relationship, the narcissist might actually share very personal information inappropriately early in the relationship, in order to gain sympathy or to "reel you in" by making you feel like they want to be close to you because they shared this personal information. They will especially do so if it involves sharing very personal but negative information about those close to them, because it gains sympathy for the narcissist because they have had to shoulder this burden.
- Accept that most of the time (but not all of the time) the narcissist will find it difficult to remember back to events in his or her childhood.
- Accept that narcissistic women will try to force their daughters to be exactly like them.
- Don't expect the narcissist to give you what you ask for (unless the narcissist is very eager to please you for self-serving reasons). If you actually do want what he/she gives you it will not be fun for the narcissist to give it to you. Expect the narcissist to make a big production of the gifts they give you. They typically will highly exaggerate the value of the item given, as well as exaggerate the amount of effort the narcissist undertook to get the item. Often they will use their very best tricks to get the gift, since they really don't want to pay a cent for the gift since it's not for themselves. Remember, your wants and needs are worthless unless satisfying them means that sooner or later the narcissist will get something they want that is worth far more to them than the effort they put out to satisfy your needs.
- Often remind members of your family that you genuinely love them. This will help to heal the family rifts which the narcissist is continually creating through his/her backbiting.
- When a narcissist walks off in a rage, expect a return appearance with questions and criticisms. Use this time before their return to ready your answers and responses to them. Try to maintain a low tone, raising it over them will only increase the intensity of the conversation (and lead to a full-on argument).
more at link midway above.
Often the narcissist will criticize you for things which you are not guilty of but which in fact the narcissist is guilty of. An example of this is that the narcissist may accuse you of being angry when in fact it is the narcissist that is showing signs of anger. People who live with a narcissist, therefore, can often be accused of being selfish, inconsiderate, envious, dishonest, arrogant, etc. (i.e., the very traits that are typical of narcissists).
By way of example,
Family member: why did you just lie to me there?
Narcissist: you are the one who is lying
Projection is considered to be one of the ego's defense mechanisms. It involves attributing our own unacceptable feelings to others. In this way the narcissist rids himself of some of his own unacceptable feelings, while simultaneously raising himself even further relative to others by pushing them down via the projection of the negative traits onto them. This also puts you on the defense and therefore the narcissist is more in control of the relationship.
When a narcissist delivers a lot of criticisms to someone, sometimes those criticisms can reveal either what the narcissist is secretly thinking or doing or what the narcissist is secretly planning to do.
====Lying and gaslighting
A narcissist might claim not to have said something which he/she did say. Sometimes this behaviour is so ingrained that the narcissist can contradict himself/herself within the same sentence! Sometimes they will hold their ground even when faced with written evidence or multiple witnesses who are contradicting his claims. This puts you on the defense and therefore the narcissist is more in control of the relationship. This behavior can be extremely frustrating for the family or other person dealing with the narcissist, so PAY ATTENTION to what he says and to what you say in response. Otherwise, he can convince you that you are the crazy one.
Lots of information if you care to read it so you know what we're dealing with and the Con.
https://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Living_With_a_Narcissist
Accept that there are some things you cannot change
The following tips are intended to help in dealing with the aggression and often bizarre behaviour of the narcissist, although it has to be said that some of these points may be hard to accept.
- If your partner is a narcissist then accept that you will have to work hard to preserve your own self-esteem and to preserve the self-esteem of your children.
- Be aware that the narcissist can respond negatively if you compliment other people while you are in the narcissist's company. The narcissist is likely to see a compliment paid to someone else as an indirect insult to the narcissist (e.g. the narcissist might say something like "you are always saying good things about X but you never say anything good about ME"
. That said, beware not to adopt the narcissist's ingrained habit of criticising others. A person who picks up the narcissist's habit of constantly backbiting or criticising others will not be able to backbite as graciously as the narcissist can. In addition, picking up the narcissist's habit of backbiting is in some regards rather like trying to fight fire with fire.
- Don't expect the narcissist to understand jokes the way that non-narcissists do. Just accept this and go and enjoy telling jokes to people who are not narcissistic.
- Give the narcissist what he or she wants when he or she wants it and do not expect the narcissist to reciprocate any favours.
- Don't expect the narcissist to take any real interest in you (unless he or she is very eager to please you for some self-serving reason, in which case the narcissist will be very good at pretending to be interested in you).
- Do not expect the narcissist to apologise or to show any consideration for your feelings. Ever. The narcissist is never wrong.
- Be careful about making any expression of affection towards the narcissist as the narcissist might respond to this in a nasty manner, particularly if the narcissist thinks that you are becoming too dependent upon him or her to the point that you are needy "wet blanket", which can become an inconvenient annoyance to the narcissist. After all, wanting attention from the narcissist because you care about him or her is asking a favor: you are asking for their attention and love. The narcissist knows this will lead to you expecting other things commonly expected of the other side when in a healthy relationship. Not going to happen. Also, do try to keep your independence and, if possible, try to make the narcissist to some extent dependent on you. This is a delicate balancing act: you must give them constant attention and compliments, just not too much where they might think it's affection, which normally requires some type of reciprocation. You simply have to idolize them and be their slave.
- Expect to have to clean up after the narcissist but don't expect the narcissist to clean up after you.
- Expect the narcissist to try to demand all of your time but don't expect the narcissist to give up his or her time for you.
- Expect the narcissist to be impossible to please. Just think how unfortunate you would be if nobody was able to make you happy.
- Expect the narcissist to be unhappy when he or she discovers that you actually want to do what they want you to do. When you actually want to do the task which the narcissist has given you the narcissist may perceive this as being a bit like sharing and/or being on an equal standing, and this can make the narcissist feel disappointed. If you do truly want to do something that the narcissist also wants, frame it as agreeing with their wishes and demands, rather than you both deciding to do something you both want.
- Don't ever say to the narcissist anything like "please have a heart". Trying to appeal to the narcissist in this way is likely to make matters worse rather than better.
- Never invite a narcissist to apologise.
- Don't expect a narcissist to pay attention to things which do not affect them personally (unless, of course, the narcissist is eager to impress the present company for self-serving reasons, in which case he/she will try hard to take an interest in the topic of discussion).
- Don't expect the narcissist to tell you the usual personal information about themselves (e.g. the narcissist may be reluctant to reveal much information about his/her childhood other than those things which he/she chooses to reveal). However, early on in the relationship, the narcissist might actually share very personal information inappropriately early in the relationship, in order to gain sympathy or to "reel you in" by making you feel like they want to be close to you because they shared this personal information. They will especially do so if it involves sharing very personal but negative information about those close to them, because it gains sympathy for the narcissist because they have had to shoulder this burden.
- Accept that most of the time (but not all of the time) the narcissist will find it difficult to remember back to events in his or her childhood.
- Accept that narcissistic women will try to force their daughters to be exactly like them.
- Don't expect the narcissist to give you what you ask for (unless the narcissist is very eager to please you for self-serving reasons). If you actually do want what he/she gives you it will not be fun for the narcissist to give it to you. Expect the narcissist to make a big production of the gifts they give you. They typically will highly exaggerate the value of the item given, as well as exaggerate the amount of effort the narcissist undertook to get the item. Often they will use their very best tricks to get the gift, since they really don't want to pay a cent for the gift since it's not for themselves. Remember, your wants and needs are worthless unless satisfying them means that sooner or later the narcissist will get something they want that is worth far more to them than the effort they put out to satisfy your needs.
- Often remind members of your family that you genuinely love them. This will help to heal the family rifts which the narcissist is continually creating through his/her backbiting.
- When a narcissist walks off in a rage, expect a return appearance with questions and criticisms. Use this time before their return to ready your answers and responses to them. Try to maintain a low tone, raising it over them will only increase the intensity of the conversation (and lead to a full-on argument).
more at link midway above.
