The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 29th, 2012

[The DUzy Awards]

[center][font size=7]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/font][/center]

Welcome to the funniest of DU! This week features an awesome photoshop thread, so be sure to check it out!

This week’s improvement: I finally figured out how to make the damn text bigger. SOMEBODY *cough* deprecated the <big> HTML command and didn’t tell anybody what the replacement was.

Here’s the code:

<font size=X> Text you want made bigger </font>


Replace < and > with square brackets, and let X equal a number between 1 and 7. Normal text is size 3.


You can also make X be, +1 or +2, if you want the text to go up one or two sizes, or –1 or –2 to go back down.


Okay, shitcan the geek stuff! Let’s get funny!




How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in [font color=#800080]purple text[/font], then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in [font color=#FF0000]red italicized text[/font] that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by MiddleFingerMom
[font size=+1] I shit you not -- a dog with two assholes.[/font]
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] GeorgeGist [/font]
[font size=+1] 4. It's quite common ... [/font]


The Lounge, 23 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018139760


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original self-deleted post by Ptah
[font size=+1] This message was self-deleted by its author[/font]
This message was self-deleted by its author (Ptah) on Sun Jun 24, 2012, 09:38 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Ptah [/font]
[font size=+1] 53. I'm going to stop this thread. [/font]
I started this thread to bemoan the peddling woo-woo being allowed to stand.

Now it has been threadjacked by more woo-woo.





Original post:
You can reverse and cure all these diseases
At Sun Jun 17, 2012, 04:44 PM you sent an alert on the following post:

Chronic disease is caused by chronically eating wrong
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1147&pid=527

The reason for the alert was:

This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate. (See <a href="http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=aboutus#communitystandards" target="_blank">Community Standards</a>.)

You added the following comments:

Vegan spam.

A randomly-selected Jury of DU members completed their review of this post at Sun Jun 17, 2012, 09:33 AM, and voted 2-4 to keep it.

Thank you.

----------------------

Interesting jury result.

M-D, 17 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1240111328


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by kpete
[font size=+1] Jail is pretty fucking humiliating and crazy, huh Jerry?[/font]
Fellow Inmates Reportedly Sang “Hey, Teacher, Leave Those Kids Alone” To Jerry Sandusky

Following guilty verdicts on 45 of 48 counts, Jerry Sandusky was shipped off to Centre County Correctional Facility, the same facility he was initially held in December. According to a fellow inmate at the time, known only as Josh, Sandusky was on the receiving end of some a cappella ridiculing.

Other prisoners were barred from communicating directly with Sandusky, but they could see him. And when the lights went out, inmates serenaded the disgraced coach with a famous line from Pink Floyd's "The Wall."

"At night, we were singing ‘Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone,' " Josh said, adding that everyone knew who Sandusky was because inmates had access to television and newspapers.

Jail is pretty fucking humiliating and crazy, huh Jerry?

http://www.thedaily.com/page/2012/06/24/062412-news-sandusky-folo-1-2/
http://deadspin.com/5920864/fellow-inmates-reportedly-sang-hey-teacher-leave-those-kids-alone-to-jerry-sandusky

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] pinboy3niner
[font size=+1] 7. Yes, the state has a responsibility to prevent suicide by its prisoners [/font]
It also has a responsibilty to prevent physical violence against a prisoner.

The singing...well, I guess that's a horror he'll just have to endure.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] cliffordu [/font]
[font size=+1] 9. Really. THAT's torture. [/font]
Hope they don't sing any Nickelback. The UN might get involved.

GD, 24 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002852538


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by SoCalDem
[font size=+1] We are series..Hugh Fail[/font]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Lint Head [/font]
[font size=+1] 1. Man? Date? CNN now reporting that the eHarmony, Match.com, OKCupid and DateHookup are [/font]
very pleased with the man date being up held.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] monmouth [/font]
[font size=+1] 2. Anything from "Christian Singles?"....n/t [/font]

GD, 28 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002868942


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by ailsagirl
[font size=+1] "Republicans should be panicking right now..."[/font]
Mitt Romney Slides into Panicked Free Fall over Outsourcing Claims
Jason Easley
June 22, 2012

=snip=

What is stunning is that once again, the Romney campaign didn’t see this coming. They should have had their statement and defense prepared months ago. It is like they didn’t expect anyone to actually look at Romney’s time at Bain, and compare that to what he is saying on the campaign trail. The truth was revealed by what Romney’s spokeswoman didn’t say in her statement. She didn’t dispute the facts. She didn’t dispute the research, and she offered no explanation for Romney’s record.

Their half baked denial reeked of panic, and a campaign that was totally caught off guard. I am sure Romney will be heading to Fox News ASAP to attack The Washington Post, and try to put a spin on this.

His problem is that it won’t work. Finally, Romney’s critics have a way to make his time at Bain stick in the minds of voters. Mitt Romney sent jobs overseas. Romney can try to parse and explain, but he can’t counteract that one sentence message. It is clear and easy to repeat point that voters can take with them into the booth on Election Day.

Republicans should be panicking right now.



=snip=



http://www.politicususa.com/mitt-romney-slides-panicked-free-fall-outsourcing-claims.html

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 2on2u [/font]
[font size=+1] 5. A vulture revealed...... [/font]

I’m sorry, sir—only one carrion per passenger…

http://www.rumproast.com/index.php/site/comments/im_sorry_sir_--_only_one_carrion_per_passenger/
There’s little consensus on how effective the attacks on Romney’s record as a “vulture capitalist” will be with the GOP base or the American public in general. Steve M thinks the attacks won’t work since Americans are programmed to uncritically worship capitalism and speculates that any attempt to inject nuance into the debate will turn into the usual old “capitalism vs. socialism” false dilemma. He could be right.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Scootaloo [/font]
[font size=+1] 9. Hey now! [/font]
The vulture may not be a pretty bird. In fact it may be downright hideous, with its head and neck coated in slippery gore. it's even worse when they vomit it all back up to feed their bald, blind, wriggling offspring. Sure you can smell one from a hundred yards away, and the scent is not unlike someone having dumped an ashtray full of Milwaukee's Best over week-old roadkill. Sure, they projectile-defecate, and I'll grant, they may be unable to exist at all without pecking at the unwanted remains of some other animal's meal. And sure, their bodies are refuges for all sorts of lice, larva, and gnarly microbes.

But they would still be insulted by being compared to Romney, because at least a vulture is an integral and valued member of its community.

So watch it with insulting the Aegypiinae subfamily, will ya?

Politics 2012, 22 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/125148538


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by nmbluesky
[font size=+1] The boy salutes President Barack Obama, (different view)[/font]


A young boy along the rope line salutes President Barack Obama after the President spoke at the NALEO Conference in Orlando, FLorida, June 22, 2012. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)



US President Barack Obama salutes an audience member after speaking to the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials during their annual conference at the Walt Disney World Resort June 22, 2012 in Lake Buena Vista, Florida.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] unblock [/font]
[font size=+1] 4. look mommy! the nice man thinks the lights are too bright just like me! [/font]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] FailureToCommunicate [/font]
[font size=+1] 5. Fox headline: "Obama uses gang sign to little boy" [/font]
(Look at the intensity of the older man holding the kid!)

Video&Multimedia, 22 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101736268


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] savalez [/font]
[font size=+1] Send CNN/FOX this news tip! [/font]
DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN!

CNN: http://www.cnn.com/feedback/show/?s=newstip

FOX: http://help.foxnews.com/entries/500736-where-can-i-send-story-questions-corrections-or-news-tips



[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] rocktivity [/font]
[font size=+1] 1. DUzy candidate! [/font]



GD, 28 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002871484


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] WCGreen [/font]
[font size=+1] So I just woke up today and I see all this foldarall all over the news about some kind [/font]
of whoop de doo change in the way this here governent rations the health care...

Pwwwwwt. In my day we just cut things off that wa botherin' us and went on doin' what we was doin', we didn't need no governent git in the way....

Next thing you know they'll be letting negroes sit in the front of the bus....

Or put them homersexual in the Army...

By gum, what's this country coming too...

28 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002875551


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] Brickbat [/font]
[font size=+1] When MFM did some work as a biologist, he made a hugely important discovery.[/font]


The Lounge, 26 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018141199


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Hissyspit
[font size=+1] Tom Tomorrow: Unspeakable[/font]


DailyKos Link: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/06/25/1102290/-Unspeakable

Support independent cartooning -- join Sparky's List!

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Ichingcarpenter [/font]
[font size=+1] 8. Sausage Box [/font]
House Speaker, John Boehner led the assault on Vagina saying:

“We cannot have that disgusting, scientific word used on any political floor anywhere in the country. We are here to do the people’s business and we believe the American people will support us in our choice.

Sausage Box was actually 7th most popular, but the top six were so foul, even I couldn’t go along with them, although some of them were quite funny. Sausage Box is a big favorite in the Boehner family, so I am delighted it was chosen.”

So, yet again Speaker Boehner has shown us his class and leadership and a willingness to move quickly. Privately he said:

“We could not tolerate Vagina being an issue in our campaign to crush Democrats on all fronts in the November election. We believe Sausage Box will defuse the firestorm, now we can get back to hating the President.”


Sausage Box was not Senator McConnell’s first choice, but for the sake of party unity he will go along with it.

Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell, said:

“My vote went to Aunt Hilda’s Hidey Hole but will accept Sausage Box. Speaker Boehner uses it all the time, so I am quite familiar with the term. I do wish Boehner would stop crying, just because he won.”

McConnell added:

“We have straw polls from time to time, most members are not really interested, but this Vagina thing really caught their interest and we recorded a 100 per cent participation from both houses for the first time.

This shows the American people that the Republican party is a party of action and how decisive we are on issues that matter.”


Representative Eric Cantor was disappointed with the choice, but said he would get used to it.
House Majority Leader, Eric Cantor said he was a little dismayed at the choice of Sausage Box:

“My choice was the number one pick among all Republicans, a simple four letter word that just rolls of the tongue, but like the good Republican I am, Sausage Box it is from now on. The American people will notice how we all pull together in a crisis of this magnitude, unlike Democrats who only want to talk about issues that aren’t important.”

But Cantor suggested this is not the end of of the Sausage Box versus Vagina:

“When I eventually get some real power, President maybe, I would consider a new poll and actually pick the number one choice, I will try and get used to Sausage Box, but privately, in the comfort of my own home, I shall continue to use my personal favorite.”

Mother of 28 children, Representative Michele Bachmann, said: “I have never heard of Sausage Box being used for down there, but I like it, after all, that’s what it is. I voted for my husbands favorite, Gash, and he will probably keep using it, but I shall withhold until he uses Sausage Box.”

GD, 25 Jun 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002853548


Thanks to: bluesbassman, tawadi, jorno67, Lint Head, rocktivity, and CaliforniaPeggy!!!


Well, it’s still Friday in Fort Pierre, South Dakota. Lemme give a shout-out to the drunken Pierre residents that crossed the Missouri to Fort Pierre at last call!



-Krispos42

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Yay for the DUzy's!

Rock on!

[HappyMe]

2. k&r

[surrealAmerican]

3. kick

[dixiegrrrrl]

4. "vagina squirrels"....

Still trying to see thru the tears of laughter at that one....

[Mira]

5. Thanks for the DUzys - don't want

to be without them.
Good ones!

[scarletwoman]

6. Kick for the elusive DUzys!

They might get posted on a Saturday, they might get posted on a Monday, they might get posted a week late - but I'm glad they get posted!

[pinboy3niner]

8. The DUzys schedule...

[scarletwoman]

10. Oh dear. Does that mean Krispos42 is regularly being kidnapped and probed?

[pinboy3niner]

11. Unfortunately, since taking on the DUzys...

...Krispos no longer has time to make his kidnapping/probing appointments.

[scarletwoman]

14. So, then it's NOT the fault of the aliens?

YOU said it was aliens. I thought you were offering a reasonable explanation as to why the DUzys get posted at such erractic times. I was prepared to be all understanding and sympathic - I mean, who DOESN'T get their schedules messed up by repeated alien abductions and probes? It's something we can all understand.

But now you're saying he's not even keeping his probing appointments with the aliens?!?! So, what IS the deal? Are the aliens just showing up with a quart of booze and they're all getting too hammered to do probes or post the DUzys? Is it time for an "intervention"?

Geeze, man! This is all really freaking me out, ya know?

[pinboy3niner]

15. You think YOU'RE confused?

Krispos is at his wit's end!

[scarletwoman]

16. Oh, so now you're saying it's because his girlfriend left him?

So was SHE abducted by aliens?

[pinboy3niner]

17. I dare not reveal more

I'm afraid I've said too much alrea...GAAAAACK!

[krispos42]

18. Well, not kidnapped...

[eppur_se_muova]

7. Hooray, another "Doctor Fun" fan !

http://www.ibiblio.org/Dave/drfun.html

[hootinholler]

9. Um, IIRC, the font tag is deprecated by the W3C

The new way is to do it via CSS by applying a style. Make7 has a thread in Meta that I couldn't find off the cuff. but there is this example.

[krispos42]

19. Yeah, I know...

...I had to scroll through the entire Wiki article to find the replacement code.

[lovemydog]

12. A dog with Mitt and Barbara

buahaha!

[nolabear]

13. That last one almost made me cough up a lung!

[eridani]

20. Skinner! Please front-page the DUzys so we can find them!

signed--
Another Vagino-American for Gay Beavers

[tawadi]

21. It took four searches

But I found the DUzy's. I will miss my star when it expires.

k&r

[mysuzuki2]

22. I especially liked the one about Boehner leading a vagina assault.

It just doesn't get any better than that.