Mar-A-Lago Assistant Manager Wondering If Anyone Coming To Collect Nuclear Briefcase

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

PALM BEACH, FL—Noting that it had already been there for almost two weeks, Mar-a-Lago assistant manager Chris Mahoney reportedly wondered Monday if anyone was coming to collect the nuclear briefcase from the club’s lost-and-found. “Someone noticed it in the dining room and dropped it off, and it’s just been sitting at the bottom of the bin ever since,” said Mahoney, adding that he had been asking people coming to collect their lost scarves and sunglasses if they might also have misplaced a briefcase attached to a pair of handcuffs. “You’d think whoever it belongs to would have realized that they lost it by now. Well, I’ll give it a few more weeks—if no one claims it after 60 days, it’s up for grabs, and I can see if someone on my staff wants it.” At press time, a man had mistakenly claimed the briefcase as his own before getting home to discover all the unfamiliar buttons inside.

http://www.theonion.com/article/mar-lago-assistant-manager-wondering-if-anyone-com-55623

[nini]

1. Sadly I thought this was real at first

The Onion certainly has a way of making you fall for stuff at first

[Beartracks]

5. Trump made a bunch of people fall for stuff, too! n/t

[Louis1895]

7. Phew

Me, too!

What does that say about our confidence in the current administration?

[nini]

24. scary isn't it?

Phew.. indeed!

[montana_hazeleyes]

19. At first I though it was real too!

I really thought this was possible with trump! Then I thought ,ok, check if it's satire.

[nini]

25. :D

The Onion borders reality a bit too close at times.

[uponit7771]

27. +1

[Historic NY]

2. Too good not to spread around....

[Crash2Parties]

3. That man who gave it back, confused by the buttons? Donald Trump.

[montana_hazeleyes]

20. Good one!

[PatrickforO]

4. You had me at first on this one.

I freaked. I was going WHAT THE F**K??????????

Then I saw it was the Onion and breathed a sigh of relief.

The sad thing? I actually could see this happening. NEVER would have happened with Obama. He was a 'no drama' guy. Even W, who was horrible took care of the ol' nuclear football.

But Trump? Hey, this wouldn't surprise me a bit.

[Rhiannon12866]

6. Same for me!

Since it's Trump, nothing, no matter how irresponsible or outlandish, is surprising anymore...

[Lifelong Protester]

14. Agree with you PatrickforO

[former9thward]

22. Silly.

Bush, Obama or Trump have absolutely nothing to do with the football. It is handled by our military.

[magicarpet]

8. Oh it likely belongs to the Ruskis....

FedEx over night delivery to the Russian embassy​...... They will know what to do with it.

[rogue emissary]

9. Wow, that's how little we think of him that the headline seemed plausible.

[Turbineguy]

10. Good it will be safe there.

I wish that were true.

[mdbl]

11. ROFLMAO!

Had a good laugh at ths

[benld74]

12. Got me!! April 1st should be REAL fun!!!

[IronLionZion]

13. He'll be back next weekend

just hang on to it for now. Lock it in the safe and hope he forgets about it. Don't trust anyone in a Russian accent who offers to take care of it.

[Gothmog]

15. I love the Onion

[Ilsa]

16. Scary funny. nt

[tech3149]

17. Well we actually "misplaced" 6 actual nukes for a day or so

so who could be surprised if Cheeto Jesus did the same with the nuclear football?

[ThoughtCriminal]

18. Trump is replacing it

with one designed by Ivanka. The old one was... just ugly. Pathetic. Sad. Not even a three.

Ivanka will have her team of copycat designers come up with a doomsday pouch that both stylish and threatening.

The internal hardware, electronics and targeting software is to be outsourced to the very best programmers in Russia.

[luvMIdog]

21. I actually believed this at first - that's how much faith I have in them

[democratisphere]

23. Thought it might be real with this lackadaisical crowd.

Onion very funny!

[Doreen]

26. I actually believed it for a moment after I was done reading it.

Then I thought this is fake news then I realized it was a joke. Now, who would not be surprised if trump actually did that? It is a good thing that it is a military personal who has that hooked to him at all times. If it were trump and any of his scum this would not surprise me. After, I got over it I laughed.