Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-18: Paul Ryan's Long White House March Edition

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Last edited Thu Mar 30, 2017, 02:30 PM - Edit history (1)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-18: Paul Ryan’s Long White House March Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! We are back everybody! You know what? We got to use the intro to talk about the guys in San Clemente, California. You know, being on a small town city council in a city where nothing interesting happens has got to be the dullest job in politics. But these two surfer bros in San Clemente, California – a town about 1 hour from where I live, wanted the city council to build a statue of the late, great Paul Walker, and what a coincidence because the 8th installment of the Fast & The Furious franchise is a mere 2 weeks away from being in theaters. Let’s roll the clip first:

And here’s the funny thing – the guy’s name is Chad Kroger. You might know him as the lead singer of a little band called Nickelback. Yeah it’s like a real life Office Space. I’ve been obsessed with this story since I first heard about it. If I was a member of a city council like San Clemente where nothing interesting happens, I would just let these two guys speak all day. And I love that they go deep on Paul Walker’s back catalogue of movies. I also love the misuse of the word “melancholy”. And I love that they compare it to the Robocop statue in Detroit or the Rocky statue in Philadelphia. And then they only give the council 1 month to get ready before Fate Of The Furious comes out. I love this story! Oh and then it turns out Paul Walker had no tie to San Clemente. Yeah fail. Sorry bro. All right that’s enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to this week, but first Samantha Bee exposes one of the least talked about heads in the Trump administration:

So where do we begin this week? So this week – the number one slot has to go to Paul Ryan (1). So Trumpcare died the horrible death it deserved and Ryan has finally come out and said that they can’t keep attempting to defeat Obamacare anymore. In the second slot, Neil Gorsuch (2) came off looking like the biggest dumbass of them all at his own confirmation hearings. Al Franken completely annihilated him, and we’ll talk more about that. In the third slot this week, is of course Donald Trump (3), who occupies just a single slot this week. So while the world burns around him, he’s spending his weekend playing golf at his favorite resort. Or did he? I mean that’s what they want you to think! In the number 4 slot we’re going to open up the Top 10 Home Shopping Network and tell you about some hot new products from America’s favorite brand – brought to you by our guest shoppers Donald Trump Jr and Eric Trump (4)! In the fifth slot, Devin Nunes (5) may be one of the shadiest characters in the Trump administration – which is already full of shady characters. So while the FBI was busy investigating the Trump Tower wiretap claims, Nunes may have accidentally leaked some vital information to Twitter. Taking the sixth slot, we may have found the worst comedian on Twitter, and it’s former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee (6). And we’re going to do something unprecedented and open the Top 10 Chuckle Hut and try our hand at open mic night. In the number 7 slot, is Fox News – you know “the real news” as Trump puts it. So king of the deplorables, Sean Hannity was called out by Ted Koppel , while they were rightfully mocked relentlessly on Twitter for saying Trump was working in the White House when he was really golfing. At number 8 – we’ve got yet another installment of “How Is This Still A Thing?”. This time – we’re going to ask – “Pizzagate: How Is This Still A Thing?”. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot is One Million Moms. So they’ve got the world’s first “gay free” TV show and it’s focusing on a mother-son relationship. I mean really what could go wrong? Finally, it’s time for round 2 of our Stupidest State contest. The Hateful 8 has been set, folks! And this time for the first round of the Conference Finals, it’s Florida Vs Texas for all the guano in the world when we pit them in a winner take all final for the Batshit Conference! Plus we have some live music for you – this time some down and dirty southern rock from Maryland’s Clutch. I love this band, and they just announced a massive tour with another favorite of mine – Primus. Their current album “Psychic Warfare” is awesome and if you don’t have it you’re missing out! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


[font size="8"]Paul Ryan[/font]


Our first story this week is of course the epic fail that was the AHCA. You know – the one campaign promise that Donald Trump made to “repeal and replace Obamacare with something better”. So how did that go? Well, we already mentioned that it was an epic fail. You know the GOP really is like the Joker from the Dark Knight.

They really are like a dog chasing cars – they wouldn’t know what to do with one if they caught it, and that is terrifying! I mean they have complete rule – they have the senate, Congress, the White House, and if they get their way, they’ll get SCOTUS too! So what’s stopping them?

A majority of American voters oppose the Republicans' plan to repeal and replace ObamaCare, while very few voters support it, a new poll finds.

A poll published Thursday by Quinnipiac University found that 56 percent of voters disapprove of the GOP healthcare plan, while just 17 percent support it.

Even among Republicans, only 41 percent support the American Health Care Act, while 24 percent oppose it. And 58 percent of Democratic voters disapprove of the plan.

Republicans are scrambling to shore up support for the repeal-and-replace bill ahead of an expected House vote later Thursday. President Trump is meeting with members of the conservative Freedom Caucus, who are seeking a number of changes to the bill in exchange for their support. But centrist Republicans are fleeing from the bill as it changes to fit the conservatives' desires, complicating efforts to get the bill passed in the House.

Read more: http://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/325448-poll-majority-of-voters-disapprove-of-gop-obamacare-repeal-plan

In case you need it spelled out for you – this is how many Americans approve of Trumpcare:



Let’s bask in that number there for a minute – 17%! I think my ass has a higher approval rating than that, and you know what else is even crazier about this whole thing?

A picture of a White House meeting with lawmakers about a new healthcare bill affecting access to pregnancy and maternity care shows 25 men discussing the reforms – and not a single woman.

Even more men are partly visible in the peripheries of the image, which was shared on Twitter by Vice President Mike Pence.

Women’s health charity Planned Parenthood pointed out this anomaly, writing on the social network: “Here’s the picture of the leaders negotiating away birth control, maternity care and abortion. Notice anything?”
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-obamacare-men-mike-pence-picture-no-women-freedom-caucus-repeal-healthcare-bill-a7647426.html

Let’s show that picture for a minute:



To quote the great Dave Chappelle (by the way – watch his Netflix specials, they’re awesome), “I see white people!!!”. Oh and here’s another thing stopping Trumpcare from being a reality:

One of the most dangerous “alternative facts” coming from the White House these days is that the Affordable Care Act — ObamaCare — is an abject failure on the brink of collapse.

Let me say upfront that I believe healthcare is a basic human right, and that everyone should be covered by a single-payer system. But to say ObamaCare is failing is simply false.

To help prove this point, let me ask you a question. How many people does ObamaCare cover?

It’s not what you think. If your answer is the number of formerly uninsured people who were newly insured under the law — that’s the wrong way of looking at it. The fact is that ObamaCare has helped all of us — everyone who has healthcare.
http://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/healthcare/325471-trumpcare-will-fail-all-women

Ooh, I like that one! And there’s even more to this than was originally thought. I mean how much of an epic fail was this and how did Paul Ryan deliver the news to Trump? Remember the movie “Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk”? No? Well, you will remember Paul Ryan’s Long White House Walk, which I assume he took to tell a very angry Trump that AHCA failed. This is your ruling party, folks.

WASHINGTON — House Republican leaders, facing a revolt among conservatives and moderates in their ranks, pulled legislation to repeal the Affordable Care Act from consideration on the House floor Friday in a major defeat for President Trump on the first legislative showdown of his presidency.

“We’re going to be living with Obamacare for the foreseeable future,” the House speaker, Paul D. Ryan, conceded.

The failure of the Republicans’ three-month blitz to repeal President Barack Obama’s signature domestic achievement exposed deep divisions in the Republican Party that the election of a Republican president could not mask. It cast a long shadow over the ambitious agenda that Mr. Trump and Republican leaders had promised to enact once their party assumed power at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/24/us/politics/health-care-affordable-care-act.html

And then there’s this:

Speaker Paul Ryan spoke after pulling the American Health Care Act from the House floor today, saying, “This is a disappointing day for us.”

He said that President Trump agreed with him that the bill should be pulled, and Ryan thanked the White House for doing what they could on this while warning that “the worst is yet to come” on Obamacare.

But minutes later, as reporters asked questions about pulling the bill, Ryan actually went so far as to say, “We’re gonna be living with Obamacare for the foreseeable future.”

He added, “Now we are going to move on with the rest of our agenda.” He acknowledged this might make getting tax reform “more difficult,” but not impossible.
http://www.mediaite.com/online/paul-ryan-were-gonna-be-living-with-obamacare-for-the-foreseeable-future/

[font size="8"]Neil Gorsuch[/font]


Ugh, how could this possibly get any worse? If this week’s hearings are any indication, look no further than traitor Mitch and his band of thugs who steamrolled over Obama to practically give SCOTUS to a man who doesn’t deserve it. And thank god for Al Franken, how awesome was Al last week? Yeah everybody let’s give it up for Al! Come on! But seriously just how batshit fucking nuts is Neil Gorsuch, Trump’s SCOTUS pick?

Neil Gorsuch is in a tough spot. He is striving to sound a note of neutrality and apolitical dignity at a proceeding in which he has been served up to perform in a political reality show. It’s not just that as his confirmation hearings grind on, Gorsuch becomes palpably more and more squeezed between the ugliness of Republican obstruction of Merrick Garland and the fragile tyranny of the man who named him. That would be enough of a lift for any nominee. But then Gorsuch is also required to serve up a three-day performance art piece to show he is floating above all of this—that the meat grinder of Senate polarization and the soaring Shakespearean nuttiness of the man who nominated him have nothing to do with who he is and how he got here.

To be fair, I keep finding myself wondering if Chief Judge Merrick Garland would have fared any better under these circumstances. Sure, he wouldn’t have been dragged down as far by the behavior of the president who nominated him, but he would have faced the same challenges of a politicized conversation about the role of judges and the same no-win subterfuge of refusing to answer substantive questions. In one sense, the uglier confirmation politics become, the hollower any judge’s claim to dispassionate neutrality must appear. Every judge is just cannon fodder for the big show. Every judge faces criticisms about hypocrisy and faux neutrality, and I imagine that had Clinton prevailed and Garland been on the hot seat this week, he would have also squirmed beneath unanswered questions and evasive generalities.
http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2017/03/neil_gorsuch_was_hatched_in_a_federalist_society_lab.html

I mean come on, even Gorsuch’s Wikipedia page lists him as a homophobe:

Neil McGill Gorsuch (born August 29, 1967)is Judge]] of the United States Court of Appeals for the Tenth Circuit. On January 31, 2017, Gorsuch was nominated for a position as an associate justice on the Supreme Court of the United States.

Gorsuch is a homophobe and proponent of gay rights and of textualism in interpreting the constitution. He was nominated to the US Supreme Court by President Trump on January 31, 2017.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Gorsuch

Ooh, I like that one! Does anyone remember that movie Argo? OK one guy remembers it! For those of you at home, we had one guy go “WOOO!”. Well, anyway remember when they kept saying “Argo fuck yourself”? Well, I say Gorsuch yourself, GOP. Actually, better – Argo-rsuch yourself. Thank you! So this week you know his second hearing was underway, and boy was it a complete shit show!

In a few short minutes of questioning Trump’s Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch on Tuesday, Sen. Al Franken, D-Minn., exposed the utter absurdity of an elaborate legal fiction that conservatives have spent decades constructing. That fiction is meant to place them unreachably beyond any possible question, no matter how ludicrous, cruel or unjust their rulings might be. If the Democrats had any semblance of a coherent messaging apparatus, the Gorsuch nomination would be finished. But, of course, they don’t.

It happened so quickly, and Franken’s manner — as usual — was so understated, that it was easy to miss the significance of what happened. But the nation cannot afford to let that happen. The point Franken was making was far too critical to let it pass by unnoticed. In fact, it should be a rallying point to gather around, one that could reset the course of American jurisprudence along more sound and sober lines.

Franken’s questioning concerned the notorious “frozen trucker” case, TransAm Trucking v. Dept. of Labor. Other senators had mentioned it, but never quite in the way that Franken did. A trucker named Alphonse Maddin was fired for making a commonsense decision to save his own life — and to protect others as well. Gorsuch, alone among all the judges who ruled on the case, thought that was perfectly fine. Indeed, he felt it was the only legal conclusion he could possibly reach, a conclusion Franken called “absurd.”
http://www.salon.com/2017/03/22/al-frankens-grilling-of-gorsuch-exposes-the-heartless-cruelty-behind-conservative-legal-philosophy/

And yes let’s roll the tape of this, it’s a thing of beauty:

But this is probably my favorite part of the whole interview – where Franken said that he had a career in identifying absurdities:

Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch kept his cool for the most part during today’s one-part-contentious-one-part-treacly confirmation hearing. Mostly the TV news cameras following the hearing lapped up his Mr. Smith Goes to Washington routine, complete with lengthy explanation to bemused Washingtonians about the fine art of “mutton busting” and the annual stock show parade that makes its way up Denver’s 17th Avenue each year.

But Gorsuch seemed to drop the Jimmy Stewart shtick and go more Edward Arnold when grilled by Democratic Sen. Al Franken about the Case of the Frozen Trucker. As an appeals court judge, Gorsuch famously ruled against a truck driver who claimed he’d been wrongly fired by his employer. The trucker claimed that, after waiting a couple hours in 14-below temperatures, in his truck with frozen brakes, while his company sent help, he began suffering from hypothermia. Ignoring his supervisor’s demand to continue waiting, he unhitched his unheated truck from its malfunctioning trailer, and drove away to find warmth.
http://deadline.com/2017/03/al-franken-neil-gorsuch-grills-supreme-court-nominee-confirmation-hearing-1202048182/

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

That guy is our president! Yes, we’re winning so much we’re going to be sick of winning! So how much winning are you actually doing, Mr. Trump? Have you come up with your bulletproof plan to defeat ISIS yet? No? Have you started any of your border wall yet? No? And will Mexico pay for it? No? Have you successfully repealed and replaced Obamacare? No? Well get to fucking work then! I mean we don’t have to remind you of how many times Trump blasted Obama for playing golf, do we?



That’s a lot of tweets about golf. You know, while the world burned around him, Julius Ceaser wallowed in his own opulence. So I guess Trump is following examples from ancient history then?

For the eighth weekend in a row, President Trump has visited a property that bears his name. He has done so on 21 of the 66 days he has been in office, meaning that for the equivalent of three full weeks of his just-over-nine weeks as commander in chief, he has spent all or part of a day at a Trump property — earning that property mentions in the media and the ability to tell potential clients that they might be able to interact with the president. And, despite his insistence on the campaign trail that he would avoid the links — “I’m going to be working for you. I’m not going to have time to go play golf,” he said in August — he has made 14 visits to his own golf courses since becoming president, likely playing golf on at least 12 of those occasions.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/03/26/nearly-one-out-of-every-three-days-he-has-been-president-trump-has-visited-a-trump-property/?utm_term=.15c4f2fa8b8a&wpisrc=nl_evening&wpmm=1

In case you’re wondering what this looks like illustrated, I give you:

https://img.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=

That’s a lot of days spent at Trump properties! Is he just being president so he can get taxpayers to pay for his trips to and from those properties? We’ll discuss the Fox News involvement in a bit, but there’s way more to this story than you would think.

Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump headed to one of his golf courses again Sunday, marking his 13th visit to one since taking office and the eighth consecutive weekend he has spent at properties bearing his name.

While the President hasn't played golf on every visit, sometimes attending to presidential business, the trips underscore a break with his insistence on the campaign trail that he wouldn't spend his time golfing because of how hard he would be working.

White House officials told reporters that Trump held meetings at the Trump National Golf Club in Sterling, Virginia, over the weekend, but did not say how many or with whom.

Both Trump and his press secretary, Sean Spicer, have knocked former President Barack Obama for his time playing golf on the job.
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/26/politics/donald-trump-golf/index.html

And guess what? It’s becoming a huge political problem in the GOP thanks to Trump’s relentless tweeting about Obama playing golf:

Invariably, whenever we look at how much time President Trump spends at the golf courses that bear his name, we incur one of two responses — or both.

1. The president is entitled to time off.
2. Why shouldn’t he go to properties that bear his name?

To which the appropriate responses are: (1) He is. However! and (2) For at least one very good reason.

Or, to go into a bit more detail:
Can’t the president take time off?

Sure! The president, like anyone else, is entitled to some down time. And, of course, the president — unlike anyone else — never really gets any. He’s always on duty, always available as needed.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/03/27/donald-trumps-golfing-is-a-political-problem-thanks-to-donald-trump/?utm_term=.f99765e201b5

Ah, Caddyshack – classic comedy! And if you’re not already outraged that Mr. President is spending way too much time playing golf, guess what? We’re paying for it!

Despite constant criticisms of ex-President Barack Obama's golfing habits, President Donald Trump has been to one of his organization's golf courses 13 times since taking office nine weeks ago.

Of his first 66 days in office, Trump spent a full three weeks at resort properties bearing his family name, and the White House has been tight-lipped about exactly what goes on when Trump is visiting and how much its costing taxpayers.

Just because he’s at one of the golf courses owned by the Trump Organization doesn’t mean he’s playing golf, Press Secretary Sean Spicer said in a March 20 briefing.

“Just because you go somewhere doesn’t necessarily mean you did it. So on a couple of occasions, he’s actually conducted meetings there, he’s actually had phone calls. So just because he heads there, it doesn’t mean that that’s what’s happening,” Spicer said.
http://www.metro.us/news/donald-trump-golf-outings-cost/zsJqcA---x1huXe55DEQbE/

By the way on the subject of Sean Spicer, Jimmy Kimmel imagines what it would be like if he were a Looney Tunes character and it’s hilarious:

[font size="8"]Donald Trump Jr and Eric Trump[/font]


So Donald Trump is officially the QVC President. Wait, let’s open up the Top 10 Home Shopping Network, shall we? *cue music*Welcome to the Top 10 Home Shopping Network! We have a lot of great stuff to sell you. If you see anything you like, be sure to call our hotline at 1-888-FUT-RUMP with a valid credit card. Our friendly operators are standing by! First up, we have these lovely collectible half dollar coins featuring everyone’s favorite first lady, Melania Trump for the low low price of $20! And yes, this is a real product!



This is a real product by the way! Or perhaps you’re not #MAGA ’ing it enough! You need to show your #MAGA pride with these #MAGA championship rings! For the low low price of $2500!



This is also a real product! Or maybe you’d like your very own bottle of Les Deplorables wine! This lovely bottle of red or white wine is great to share with family and friends while you discuss how to #MAGA! #MAGA!



Wine not available to ship in states where it is not valid to ship wine. Check with state laws accordingly. And again, this is also a real product! And up next, we have this lovely seat for you to bid on. For the low, low price of $100,000 per senate vote, you too, can get to decide the supreme law of the land! The previous recipient of this honor. The previous person who held this seat had it for 40 years! Neil from Colorado, you’re on the line! That bit never gets old! But we have an exciting and extremely hot new brand to tell you about – in fact here’s our correspondent Eric to tell you more about it!

Saturday’s stops marked the eighth weekend in a row — out of the 10 weekends he has been in office — that Mr. Trump has visited a Trump-branded property, including his Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach. White House officials have said Mr. Trump goes to his clubs and restaurants because he is comfortable there, but critics increasingly argue that the visits are priceless advertising and that Mr. Trump and his family are using the presidency as a way to enrich themselves.

“It is normal for presidents to get out — and it can be a boost for small businesses across the city and the country,” said Robert Weissman, the president of Public Citizen, a liberal nonprofit group. “But with President Trump, he spends his down time as a walking advertisement for his businesses. It is a major departure from historic norm and degradation of the office.”

Eric Trump, in an interview this month, disputed any suggestion that his father’s visits to family properties represented a conflict of interest. But he agreed that the Trump Organization’s assets — from Mar-a-Lago, where interest in memberships has surged, to its golf courses — were doing well.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/26/us/politics/donald-trump-brand-properties.html?_r=0

Well, Eric Trump is about as useful as a doorbell, isn’t he? Or to quote one of my favorite comedies – Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, Eric Trump is about as useless as a poopy flavored lollipop. I mean the brand connected to the president is the hottest its’ ever been in his lifetime! But in fact this whole thing is a sham!

Eric Trump has inadvertently exposed the reality behind the Trump family rhetoric about keeping their personal financial interests separate from the presidency. In an interview with Forbes, he admits that Donald Trump will continue to have access to the financial books for the Trump Organization.

Eric Trump told Forbes he will continue to give his father updates “on the bottom line, profitability reports and stuff like that,” and will do so “quarterly.” He adds, “My father and I are very close. I talk to him a lot. We’re pretty inseparable.”

The admission shows that the Trump family’s claims that they are keeping their interests separate continues to be a lie.

The Trumps refused to follow the protocol that other presidents from both parties have used, which has historically taken the form of setting up a blind trust. In the case of a blind trust, it would ensure that Trump’s hands are completely off his business interests, and that his activity in the West Wing would not be tainted by the reality or perception that he is making decisions with his own bank account in mind.
http://shareblue.com/eric-trump-accidentally-admits-his-dads-separation-from-the-family-business-is-a-total-sham/

Yes and it’s most certainly a damn shame for us! But it passes on big savings to you, the consumer! See Trump products are very carefully handcrafted not in the USA! Isn’t that special? Well his brother Uday isn’t much better! In fact he’s profiting off the family business!

WASHINGTON -- President Donald Trumps eldest son was likely paid at least $50,000 for an appearance late last year before a French think tank whose founder and wife are allies of the Russian government in efforts to end the war in Syria.

Donald Trump Jr. addressed a dinner on Oct. 11 at the Ritz Hotel in Paris, hosted by the Center of Political and Foreign Affairs. Its president, Fabien Baussart, and his Syrian-born wife, Randa Kassis, have cooperated with Russia in its drive to end the Syrian civil war, according to U.S., European and Arab officials. In December, Mr. Baussart formally nominated Russian President Vladimir Putin for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Mrs. Kassis is a leader of a political faction endorsed by Russia in negotiations to end the war in Syria. The couple said they dont represent Russia and are solely focused on ending the Syrian conflict.

The meeting in October represents one in a string of contacts over the past year between members of the presidents inner circle and individuals connected to Moscow and to Russian interests. The Wall Street Journal in November reported Donald Trump Jr.s appearance at the event.*

* https://www.wsj.com/articles/donald-trump-jr-held-talks-on-syria-with-russia-supporters-1479920753

So if you want a piece of this hot brand, where you can profit off the taxpayers, hang with Russian oligarchs, and not feel even the slightest bit of guilt! Act today!




[font size="8"]Devin Nunes[/font]


So a guy on the House Intelligence Committee really needs a lesson on how intelligence actually, you know, works. I give you Devin Nunes (R-obviously). So here’s what happened – Devin Nunes may or may not have committed a class A felony by tweeting information from an ongoing investigation indirectly related to what’s going on at Trump Tower and the FBI’s wiretapping. So here’s the latest allegations into what’s happening:

WASHINGTON — Representative Devin Nunes of California, the Republican chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, met on the White House grounds with a source who showed him secret American intelligence reports a day before he revealed that President Trump or his closest associates may have been “incidentally” swept up in foreign surveillance by American spy agencies.

The meeting, confirmed by his spokesman on Monday, was quite likely to further intensify questions about what prompted Mr. Nunes to make the claim about the intelligence gathering and who gave him the information.

The spokesman for Mr. Nunes, Jack Langer, said the congressman met with his source at the White House because he needed access to a secure facility where people with security clearances can legally view classified information. But such facilities can also be found in the Capitol building, and other locations across Washington.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/27/us/politics/devin-nunes-house-intelligence-committee-white-house-wiretap.html

Bonus points if you can spot the fail within the fail pic! Getting back on topic here – holy shit! I mean this couldn’t be any crazier than it already is. Everyone knows how batshit insane Putin is, but this is like cooking with onions. The more you peel back the layers of this story, the more it stinks, and the more likely you are to cry as a result of you knowing it. And we can’t help but put our finger on it, but there’s something highly suspect about a guy having ties to Russia. But there’s more!

The Republican head of the House Intelligence Committee dismissed calls for an investigation into ties between the Trump administration and Russian intelligence officials saying it would be a “witch hunt against the American people.”

Speaking at the California Republican Party’s spring convention in Sacramento, intel chairman Devin Nunes (R-CA) compared accusations against the Trump White House to “McCarthyism,” reports Politico.

“This is almost like McCarthyism revisited,” Nunes told the attendees. “We’re going to go on a witch hunt against, against innocent Americans.”

According to Nunes, he doesn’t see enough warning signs from U.S. intelligence agency investigations to warrant hearings.

http://www.rawstory.com/2017/02/a-witch-hunt-against-the-american-people-gop-house-intel-chair-balks-at-investigating-trumps-russia-links/

Yup! Like the good republican they are, Nunes is automatically trained to play the “nothing to see here” card! But here’s the really interesting thing about Nunes – he might own a business that has actual ties to Russia. I mean is there anyone, anyone at all who’s a republican, or who is connected to the Trump administration that isn’t corrupt? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

If today’s fiasco, which came courtesy of House Intel chair Devin Nunes, wasn’t enough to convince anyone that he can’t conduct a credible investigation into whether or not Trump and his teams colluded with Russia, then this should be: Nunes has put almost his entire net worth into a winery with strong ties to Russia.

How strong? Well, the Alpha Omega Winery has distributors all over the U.S., but just a few abroad. One of those overseas distributors is the Luding Trading Company in Russia. Luding is, in fact, Russia’s largest distributor for alcoholic beverages. But they don’t just operate in Russia – they also appear to have a relationship with Vladimir Putin:

“The Luding Company and the Yerevan Ararat Brandy-Wine-Vodka factory sent greetings to Vladimir Putin, the president of Russia, on his 55th birthday and made a birthday present of bottles of the Noy, the Sovereign 55 cognac and the Vanatur and Varpet unique 1952 vintage wines, 1952 being the President’s birth year.”

If Russia were truly a free, democratic state, then maybe this could be overlooked as nothing more than a large company wishing the leader of a country that had given them so much a happy birthday. But Russia, under Putin, is anything but truly free. With Luding being the country’s largest distributor of alcohol, it’s highly unlikely that Putin doesn’t have his fingers in it somewhere. The fact that Nunes has his money sunk there is a pretty big deal.
http://addictinginfo.org/2017/03/22/bombshell-devin-nunes-entire-net-worth-sunk-in-company-with-strong-ties-to-russia/

And by the way in case you’re wondering if the cover up is worse than the crime, I give you this:

House Intelligence Committee chairman Devin Nunes’ announcement last week that officials from the transition team of President Donald Trump had been inadvertently surveilled by the U.S. intelligence community came at the behest of the White House, Rep. Eric Swalwell said Tuesday morning.

Nunes (R-Calif.) confirmed Monday that he had traveled to the White House to meet with his still-unnamed source on the day before he made his announcement but denied that the public disclosure was coordinated in any way with Trump administration officials. The White House, Nunes said in a CNN interview, simply served as a secure location for reviewing classified information and “I’m quite sure that I think people in the West Wing had no idea that I was there.”

But Swalwell (D-Calif.), also a member of the House Intelligence Committee, disputed the chairman’s argument Tuesday on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.” “It’s not an internet cafe. You can’t just walk in and receive classified information,” Swalwell said of the White House, adding that when a member of Congress visits, “everyone in the building knows that you’re there in the building.”

“This is done because the White House wanted it to be done,” the California Democrat said. “And this is what a cover-up to a crime looks like. We are watching it play out right now.”

Read more: http://www.politico.com/story/2017/03/eric-swalwell-devin-nunes-surveillance-white-house-trump-236577

[font size="8"]Mike Huckabee[/font]


So everybody, I think we may have found Twitter’s worst comedian. And no, it’s not Yakov Smirnov, and it’s not Sam The Armenian Comedian (inside joke for LA Top 10 readers). And it’s also not @realDonaldTrump. You know who the worst comedian on Twitter is? Why it’s @GovernorMikeHuckabee! Yes the very same Mike Huckabee who is the former governor of Arkansas, homophobe extraordinaire, and close personal friend of the Duggar family. So why is Mike Huckabee in the news this week? It’s for his comically bad Twitter feed which got roasted on Jimmy Kimmel by the great Patton Oswalt:

And then Patton doubled down shortly thereafter:

Donald Trump's frequently misspelled tweets put the increasingly fragile world order at risk. Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee's, by contrast, pose a far greater danger: They threaten America's comedic leadership in a world increasingly dominated by "funny" reddit photoshops and bad homemade cat GIFS.

Huckabee might have failed to secure his party's nomination for president, but he's determined to stay relevant, no matter the cost to our Twitter feeds.

Take a look at his most recent round of tweets and how viral they've become. At first, they might seem impossible to interpret — Huckabee can be inscrutable, like a Jaden Smith of the American right.

But keep trying. There are jokes there — jokes that are often so deeply bizarre we loose the will to even embed them.

What's clearis that the right is undergoing a crisis in comedy. Remember when John McCain appeared on The Daily Show in 1999 and we laughed of our own free will? (Though, to be fair, early Steve Carrell might have had more to do with that than the presidential hopeful.)
http://mashable.com/2017/03/22/mike-huckabee-worse-twitter-trump/#BJanusEvBkqa

So with that in mind, we’re going to pull a few choice Tweets here, and open up the Top 10 Conservative Idiots Chuckle Hut for business and we’re going to become roastmasters!



Hey everybody the Top 10 Chuckle Hut is open for business! I’m your host Slacker McGee, and hanging out with me on the turn tables is none other than DJ Redbone! Yes it’s time for the Slacker and Redbone Show! Wow, thanks for that! Hey don’t forget to tip your waitress! So our first comedian tonight is the former governor of Arkansas and close friend of the crazy Duggar family – that’s the one with 100,000,000 kids, don’t you know? So what is the governor up to this week? Let’s start with his first tweet that everybody is talking about!

Link to tweet

Really Mikey? You’re going with pork sausage? What a funny joke! Ha ha ha ha ha! And I’d like to pork her sausage if you know what I’m saying! Wait, that sounded wrong, didn’t it? Pork sausage is definitely tastier than beef sausage! Plus there’s the added bonus of lots and lots of sex jokes! Oh and by the way Mike, it’s the DEMOCRATIC Party, calling us the “Democrat Party” as conservatives love to do means you not only failed basic English, you make yourself look like a complete jackass!! So what else has the governor been tweeting about? Well…

Link to tweet

Yeah, wow! Swing and a miss! Much like the pork sausage joke, joking about being stabbed and poisoned is soooooooo 13th century, am I right?

Link to tweet

Well, I say, I say I do declare that after watching the Gorsuch hearings that Mr. Huckabee should really know that this is a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black!

Link to tweet

So does that mean all the news that will be from Infowars and Prison Planet? Because those are the real fake news sites! By the way, isn’t fake news an oxymoron? Well here’s Mikey going meta! As in metaphysical!

Link to tweet

Really? Your amusement? If you’re amused by that pork sausage joke, I’d like to tell you where you can stuff your pork sausage. And he still doesn’t get it! I mean what about his latest tweet?

Link to tweet

Something tells me I don’t want to see Mikey wearing spandex! And if I sat next to him on a UNITED flight, and he’s wearing spandex, I’d be making my way for the emergency exits! Hey o!!!



Thank you, I’m here all week! Don’t forget to tip your waitress!


[font size="8"]Fox News[/font]


Mr. President, remind me again which news outlets are real and which are fake? Can I go through the list with you? NBC News? Fake news! How about CNN? Boring! Lame! The worst! How about Washington Post? Awful. Just terrible. How about the New York Times? Failing. Awful. Worst subscriber index in history. How about Breitbart? Tremendous, tremendous reporting! Infowars? Alex Jones is a friend of mine! I respect their demographic of white males. Or how about Fox News? Fox News wins all the time! In fact they win so much we’re going to be sick of winning! So with that out of the way – Trump’s favorite news network was promoted by Trump because of a host calling “Failing” (his words” Paul Ryan to step down:

Fox News host Judge Jeanine Pirro, whose show President Trump urged his followers on Twitter to watch earlier in the day, opened her program on Saturday evening by calling on Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) to step down.

"Ryan needs to step down as Speaker of the House. The reason, he failed to deliver the votes on his healthcare bill, the one trumpeted to repeal and replace ObamaCare," Pirro said in her opening statement.

"You come in with all your swagger and experience and sell them a bill of goods which ends up a complete and total failure and you allow our president, in his first 100 days, to come out of the box like that, based on what?" Pirro said.

The Fox News host's fiery comments about Ryan came hours after Trump tweeted to encourage his followers to watch "Justice with Judge Jeanine."

Read more: http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/325810-fox-news-host-promoted-by-trump-calls-on-paul-ryan-to-step-down

But one of my favorite things that happened this weekend has to be when Fox News was talking about how Trump was working at the White House when he was really playing golf. Can we throw that Tweet up there?

Link to tweet

Sure, that’s what they want you to think. Here’s what actually happened:

Late Sunday afternoon, Fox News’s Twitter issued a “news alert” informing the public that President Donald Trump was “spending the weekend working at the White House.” It was a weird tweet for a couple of reasons: First, the idea that the president of the United States, typically a very busy person, had to keep doing his job over the weekend doesn’t exactly seem newsworthy. Second, Trump spent a significant portion of the weekend at his Virginia golf course.
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/03/fox-news-says-trump-was-at-work-when-he-was-actually-golfing.html

Come on sing it with me!

But you know who wasn’t working for the weekend? Sean Hannity. Everyone’s favorite ruling king of the deplorables got blasted by a real journalist and guy who has faker hair than Donald Trump, Ted Koppel over the weekend.

The retired “Nightline” host told Fox News’ Hannity to his face that he is “bad for America” in a TV interview that aired Sunday.
Koppel spoke with Hannity in a “CBS Sunday Morning” segment about political polarization and “alternate universes” of facts in America.The veteran newsman showed clips of Hannity and Rush Limbaugh — as well as left-wing comedians like John Oliver and Stephen Colbert — as examples of media figures who are “driving the country further and further apart.”

But Hannity — one of President Trump’s biggest boosters at the conservative news network — got some harsh truths delivered straight to him by Koppel in an interview.Koppel was unmoved by Hannity's argument that Americans are smart enough to tell the difference between news and opinion shows.

“Do you think we’re bad for America? You think I’m bad for America?” Hannity asked.“Yeah,” Koppel calmly told him.
He noted that Hannity is “very good” at what he does and continued his argument — after calling out Hannity for repeatedly interrupting him.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/ted-koppel-tells-sean-hannity-bad-america-article-1.3009777

I like that one! Ah, I miss the old Whose Line Is It Anyway. But there is one more crazy Fox News story I have to mention. You know last week, we mentioned that Sean Hannity pulled a gun on Fox News’ token liberal Juan Williams, and immediately dismissed it as fake news. Well, this week Williams fired back with this:

Juan Williams sat and listened for quite a while to his co-hosts distract from the real news of the Comey hearings. He had had enough by the time Eric Bolling asked a silly leading question.

It was evident that Fox News Juan Williams was getting ready to implode as he watched his 'The Five' in an alternate state of reality. Too many times my Panamanian compatriot seemed to forget who journalists serve. He did not, today.

https://egbertowillies.com/2017/03/21/fox-news-juan-williams-lost-co-hosts/

[font size="8"]Alex Jones[/font]


Time once again to ask:



This week: Pizzagate. How is this still a thing? So this week Alex Jones himself admitted that his own fake news story “Pizzagate” – you know the claim that Hillary Clinton and John Podesta staged a campaign event at a Washington DC pizza parlor called “Comet Ping Pong” that was allegedly running in its’ basement, a child sex slavery ring – while horrifying - was nothing more than a steaming pile of bullshit. But that didn’t stop this from happening:

Donald Trump has ushered in a whole new level of crazy in this country.

During the presidential campaign, many outrageous conspiracy theories popped up on social media and alt-right sites. Some of these stories came from Russia and some came from Hillary haters just spreading fake news. But wherever they started, Trump supporters latched on like a dog with a bone.
One of those fake stories was “Pizzagate.” The theory was that Hillary and John Podesta were running a child sex ring out of a D.C. pizza joint. Because of that absurd story a man drove across the country and showed up at the pizza place with a loaded gun to “save the children.”

And believe it or not some of Trump’s supporters still believe this nonsense is real.

One of the Kings of the alt-right movement, conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, came out this weekend and apologized for pushing the fake Pizzagate story. But apparently that didn’t faze the true believers.
http://mindy-fischer-writer.com/2017/03/insane-righties-protesting-d-c-pizzagate-investigation-yes-seriously/?utm_content=bufferb8dd5&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Really? You have to bring actual children into a fake news story about fake child abuse? Wouldn’t that count as fake child abuse? And you know, child abuse is nothing to joke about – especially when there’s an actual child abuse conspiracy going on at Penn State University.

HARRISBURG, Pa. (AP) — Penn State’s costs related to the Jerry Sandusky scandal are approaching a quarter-billion dollars and growing, five years after the former assistant football coach’s arrest on child molestation charges.

The scandal’s overall cost to the school has reached at least $237 million, including a recent $12 million verdict in the whistleblower and defamation case brought by former assistant coach Mike McQueary, whose testimony helped convict Sandusky in 2012.

The university has settled with 33 people over allegations they were sexually abused by Sandusky, and has made total payments to them of $93 million.
http://www.salon.com/2017/01/07/penn-state-abuse-scandal-costs-approach-a-quarter-billion/

But a bullshit conspiracy will forever live on because, bullshit. But even Alex Jones admitted that this whole story is a steaming load of bullshit, and we can thank Wikileaks for that. But of course republicans don’t take the blame for any of the havoc they caused. Instead they blame on – yep – you guessed it – the evil liberals. Because even though we saw this story as a steaming load of bullshit first – republicans are the party of “we take no responsibility.

Conspiracy theorist and radio host Alex Jones was pressured to air an apology for his role in spreading the false “Pizzagate” conspiracy theory, which led to a Jones listener firing a gun inside a Washington, D.C. pizzeria. Jones aired a pre-taped video in which he acknowledged that he made commentary about the pizzeria owner that “in hindsight I regret, and for which I apologize to him.”

On December 4, Edgar Maddison Welch entered Comet Ping Pong during business hours while wielding an assault weapon to “self-investigate” the false conspiracy theory that the restaurant was helping the campaign of Hillary Clinton traffic children. After patrons and employees fled, Welch fired several shots. On March 24, The Washington Post reported that Welch had pleaded guilty to two violations of federal and local gun laws.

The New York Times interviewed Welch several days after the shooting, and he told the paper that he was a listener of Jones’ show and that Jones “touches on some issues that are viable,” but that sometimes Jones “goes off the deep end.” The criminal complaint against Welch alleged that he shared a YouTube video with the message “Watch PIZZAGATE: The Bigger Picture.” Alex Jones’ website Infowars published a December 1 article with the headline “Pizzagate: The Bigger Picture” which included an Infowars YouTube video.
https://mediamatters.org/blog/2017/03/24/alex-jones-apologizes-pizzagate-coverage-blames-other-media-outlets/215804

And even after a guy shot up the Comet Ping Pong pizza parlor in Washington DC, new threats continued to linger:

A Louisiana man pleaded guilty to making a threatening call to a D.C. pizzeria, federal authorities revealed in court documents this week. “I’m coming there to finish what the other guy didn’t. I’m coming there to save the kids and then I’m going to shoot you and everyone in the place,” the caller, identified as Yusif Lee Jones, said in a call to Besta Pizza, days after Edgar Welch was arrested for allegedly opening fire at Comet Ping Pong while investigating a conspiracy theory known as “Pizzagate.” The fake-news story alleged that Hillary Clinton’s closest allies ran a child-sex ring out of the popular D.C. pizza restaurant. Jones reportedly pleaded guilty to one count of interstate threatening communications and will be sentenced in April. He faces up to five years in prison and a $250,000 fine.
http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Louisiana-Man-Pleads-Guilty-to-Threatening-DC-Pizzeria-410617335.html

And you know the right loves to make false flag arguments. Hell, conspiracy theory radio wouldn’t exist without a false flag argument about something the evil liberals did every single day! Even Alex Jones himself admitted that his own conspiracy was a false flag:

In a February 24 article for Infowars.com, editor Kit Daniels falsely claimed that “the discussion around Pizzagate largely occurred on Reddit, 4chan and Twitter -- but not Infowars,” in an attempt to rebut claims made by former Clinton campaign chair John Podesta during a discussion with John Heilemann.

In fact, Alex Jones promoted the “Pizzagate” conspiracy theory on his radio show, urging his listeners “to go investigate it for yourself.” Jones urged his audience to “go to the report, Pizzagate Is Real,” and stated “Something’s going on. Something’s being covered up. It needs to be investigated”:

Infowars has additionally published articles headlined “Pizzagate: The Mysterious Death Of A Human Trafficking Investigator,” and “Pizzagate Is Global.”

One week after Jones’ promoted the “pizzagate” conspiracy, gunman Edgar Welch told The New York Times that he listens to Alex Jones, and reportedly went to Comet Ping Pong with an assault rifle to investigate the conspiracy. Days later, Alex Jones attempted to scrub pizzagate content from his website, and downplayed his role in promoting the conspiracy theory, while stating Welch was an “admitted actor,” claiming “the whole thing is classic scripting. I’m not saying it’s scripted -- it has all the telltale signs, they’ve been caught doing it before.”
http://mediamatters.org/blog/2017/02/24/infowars-denies-it-promoted-pizzagate-conspiracy-theory-after-deleting-pizzagate-content-its-website/215465v

So even Alex Jones admits that his own bullshit story is bullshit, and scrubbed all of his Youtube videos and deleted everything on Infowars about it. That's not suspicious or anything. Oh and it turns out - *SPOILER ALERT* - Comet Ping Pong didn't even have a basement. Yeah keep doing what you're doing, Infowars fans. That’s enough to make you ask - Pizzagate:




[font size="8"]One Million Moms[/font]


So remember everyone’s favorite-gay hating organization One Million Moms? It’s a group that should really be called “20 douchebags with 1 million e-mail accounts”. Because gay-hating homophobe conspiracy theorists thrive on bullshit, they’ve railed on everything from Kellogg’s cereals to this seemingly innocent Zales ad:

Oh two innocent women who are in love and getting married? NO! It’s an evil plot to indoctrinate your children into advancing the homosexual agenda!!! I’m sure kids couldn’t give less of a fuck about Zales commercials if they tried! And since most kids are smarter than your average One Million Moms member, they would just look at the ad and go “oh, two mommies!” and carry about their day. Because that is what you should do. I mean if you’ve got your underwear in a wad over a 30 second clip of a lesbian wedding, Gorsuch yourself. I mean seriously. And you know last season, remember we reported on everyone’s favorite gay-hating deplorable Bill Donahue railing on the Dan Savage created ABC sitcom “The Real O’Neals” for featuring – wait for it – a gay character (see: Idiots #19)? And if there’s one person on the internet who you don’t want to fuck with, it’s Dan Savage. Just ask Rick Santorum. So in case you’re wondering where I’m going with this – One Million Moms has their collective underwear in a wad over this again, seemingly innocent Disney cartoon featuring - wait for it - a gay moment!

Right-wing watchdog group One Million Moms is freaking out again ― this time over the most subtle of same-sex kisses in an animated children’s program on the Disney Channel.

“Star vs. The Forces of Evil” featured the quiet moment during a montage of diverse kisses among different concert goers ― making it the first same-sex kiss on the Disney channel in an animated cartoon.

And One Million Moms is not happy about it ― and they’re also up in arms about the apparent gay-inclusion in the upcoming Disney “Beauty and The Beast” film.

In response to the news surrounding both “Star vs. The Forces of Evil” and “Beauty and the Beast,” One Million Moms released this statement on their website.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/one-million-moms-gay-kiss_us_58b84043e4b0a8ded67aed3e

And I mean come on, these people have a weird obsession with gay people don’t they? Let’s take a look at the clip in question. I mean it’s just an innocent cartoon right?

WRONG!!! This infuriated One Million Moms so much that they’re launching their own animated series:

In a call to arms today, they belateldy hit out at the cartoon, accusing Disney of “pushing an LGBT agenda on families and children” and threatening to boycott Disney “unless they produce family-friendly entertainment”.

They wrote: “Alerting all parents! In a first for the Disney Channel, a Disney XD show subtly displayed several gay kisses in an episode that aired a couple of days ago.

“This is the last place parents would expect their children to be confronted with content regarding sexual orientation. Issues of this nature are being introduced too early and too soon, and it is becoming extremely common and unnecessary.

“Disney has decided to be politically correct versus providing family-friendly entertainment.

“Disney has been under pressure from the gay community to portray openly gay relationships in its TV shows and movies.”
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2017/03/01/one-million-moms-furious-about-gay-kissing-in-disney-cartoon-they-definitely-didnt-watch/

And in case you’re wondering if this group couldn’t be any more despicable than they already are, remember that seemingly innocent Zales ad that I showed you just a few minutes ago? Well, they pulled it, and One Million Moms couldn’t be happier (or sadder depending on which way you look at it) :

The collection sparked calls for protest and boycott by One Million Moms. It accused the jewelry brand of ‘glorifying sin’.

This week, One Million Moms’ Director, Monica Cole, emailed a jubilant campaign update to the group’s supporters. It said: ‘Victory! A few months ago 1MM contacted Zales urging the jewelry company to remain neutral in the culture war, and we have encouraging news to report.

‘Zales has removed all of their “Love and Pride” Collection from Zales.com. The “Love and Pride” wedding band collection, designed for the LGBTQ community with rainbow and matching bands, is “promoting Equality, Diversity, and Unity” and celebrating “their Love with Pride” as stated on their website. It has all been taken down.

‘This is HUGE! The website is now family­friendly, but more importantly neutral, which is all 1MM asks. 1MM appreciates Zales taking appropriate action to make this correction.
http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/one-million-moms-gleeful-zales/

And while we’re on the subject, we do have to briefly mention the Beauty And The Beast controversy, and in case you’re living under a rock, there’s a Beauty & The Beast remake. And it’s made literally all the money. I said all!!! And this is really only a controversy if you’re a batshit crazy right wing religious zealot like Vladimir Putin or Donald Trump. But those that actually saw the movie say it’s nothing:

The "gay moment" that Condon was referring to is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it shot in the film's final seconds. LeFou, the villain Gaston's (Luke Evans) side-kick, dances with a man in the final ball sequence just before the credits roll. There are oblique references to LeFou's sexuality over the course of the film. He is portrayed as having something of an unrequited crush on Gaston, having euphemistic conversations about their relationship and looking longingly at him during the song Gaston.

Outside of LeFou, there is also a sub-text filled moment during the battle sequence in which the wardrobe (Audra McDonald) dresses three men in women's clothes. Two of them run away in fear, while one appears happier in his new garb. This moment, too, is so quick and insignificant in the greater plot of the movie that many audience members may have missed it.

After the film's big opening weekend, many moviegoers described the controversy as much ado about nothing.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/entertainthis/2017/03/20/beauty-and-the-beast-gay-moment-audience-reaction/99407168/

[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest Round 9: Florida Vs Texas[/font]




16 states will enter, and only one state will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! If you need a reminder of the conferences, there’s the Batshit Conference, the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, the Gun Nut Conference, and the Family Values Conference. Last week, Kansas, led by Sam Brownback, easily defeated Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie’s New Jersey in what was truly an epic matchup that went into double overtime, but Kansas ultimately prevailed. And the Hateful 8 has been set. Florida. Texas. Missouri. Montana. Tennessee. Alabama. Michigan. Kansas. These are the elite of the idiots! These are the cream of the stupid crop! These are the states that put evil, party loyalty, greed, and corruption above the people and all over everything else. Only one of these will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! Let’s get out our brackets, shall we?



[font size="6"]Round 9 (NEIN!!!!) : Batshit Conference Championship: #1 Florida Vs #4 Texas[/font]

[font size="4"]Florida [/font]

We are back to the Sunshine State, folks! You know the Sunshine State has a lot of universities and universities that have teams in the NCAA tournament. That includes FSU, FAU, FL-Miami, Florida State, Florida (Gators), UCF, FIU, Miami-Dade, and FGCU. They are also home to the Orlando Magic, Tampa Bay Rays, Tampa Bay Lightning, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Miami Marlins, Miami Heat, and the Jacksonville Jaguars. So in the last round, Florida Man tweaked out and freaked out, and scored a whopping 60 points all by himself. Can he repeat that feat? There’s no endless supply of Florida Man stories out there. However, one thing we had yet to touch on is Florida’s state legislature – which is almost as crazy as Florida Man. In fact, Florida’s taking Indiana’s anti-LGBT “religious liberties” laws and kicking them up a notch!

Some Florida lawmakers who think public school children need the protection of a new “religious liberties” law are drawing fire from critics who say federal and state constitutions already guarantee such freedom.

The legislative proposals would ensure that students could express their religious views in class assignments, on their clothing or jewelry or by praying during the school day, for example.

The legislators say that would prevent incidents such as the one in Broward County in 2014 when a teacher told a 12-year-old boy he could not read the Bible during class reading time. The district superintendent later apologized to the child and his family for what he called an isolated incident.

Supporters of the bills (SB 436 and HB303 ) say such things happen too often because school officials are nervous about appearing to endorse religion.

Read more: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/education/school-zone/os-religious-expression-public-schools-bill-lawmakers-20170316-story.html

Why does that remind me of this clip from the Simpsons?

And speaking of public schools, how do people expect to get into Florida’s 100,000+ universities when their public schools are in such shambles? And shambles by the way is a word I never get to use.

TALLAHASSEE -- If Florida lawmakers don’t agree to borrow money to pay for school construction and maintenance projects, they will come up about $36 million short of what state education officials have requested for a key program next year.

State economists made their final estimate last week on money available in the 2017-18 fiscal year for the Public Education Capital Outlay, or PECO, program, which is funded by the gross-receipts tax on utility services, including electricity and communications. They looked at two scenarios: one without bonding and the other with bonds.

With no bonds, the economists estimated PECO would generate $337 million in cash that could be used for projects in the kindergarten-through-12th grade system, state colleges and universities. That funding could be supplemented with other revenue. But if it is not, it will fall short of the $373 million PECO request from state education officials.

Bonding would change all of that. The economists project Florida has the capacity to borrow more than $2.5 billion in the next budget year, although that is a very unlikely scenario.

Read more: http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/state--regional-govt--politics/florida-short-million-for-school-construction-unless-borrows/3f5FHj2A0cU2Y2dIruX6dP/

Florida as you can imagine is also the home of another guy who could lay claim to be a real life Florida Man, and that’s Steve Bannon. Yes, the same Steve Bannon is the racist alcoholic uncle who all racist, alcoholic uncles aspire to be, Donald Trump’s right hand. And as you can imagine, his place is about as secure as it gets.

Eleven times in one year, Miami Police received calls for help at a tree-lined, three-bedroom house in Miami's Coconut Grove neighborhood.

Some came from tenants in distress inside the home. Others were placed by neighbors concerned about loud arguing. All reflect back on White House chief strategist Steve Bannon, who rented the house for his most recent ex-wife in 2015 and 2016.

Police reports obtained this week by New Times, which show calls for everything from domestic violence to a stolen gun, are just the latest revelation of Bannon's odd Miami connection. The über-powerful Trump adviser has had a presence here since 2013, when he first rented a home on Opechee Drive for his ex, former Irish model Diane Clohesy. The new records come from a second house, on Onaway Drive, that Bannon rented for Clohesy when the first lease came to an end. Neighbors say Bannon never resided at either home despite listing the addresses as his residence on a voter registration form.

Read more: http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/steve-bannons-miami-house-site-of-repeat-domestic-violence-gun-theft-9206151

I love that scene. And you know Florida is also home to Donald Trump’s Mar-A-Lago resort, also known as the White House’s White House. But why are the residents of Palm Beach not exactly welcoming the president with open arms?

President Trump’s weekend trips to Mar-a-Lago, his country club in Palm Beach, Florida, is apparently costing the surrounding community’s economy. As the Washington Post reported, Palm Beach County will have to reorganize the budget to accommodate Trump’s costly visits to his golf club, which his administration has been calling the “Southern White House”

Politicians in the area are concerned that the current situation is not fiscally possible.

“I’m not sure that anyone understood that when the president referred to Mar-a-Lago as the ‘Southern White House’ he really intended to visit almost every week,” Rep. Theodore E. Deutch, a Democrat who represents Palm Beach. “There are a lot of people who come to Palm Beach County over the entire winter to enjoy the weather and enjoy the golfing.”

“When the president chooses to do the same thing, it raises a whole host of other issues,” he added.
www.salon.com/2017/03/20/president-trumps-visits-to-mar-a-lago-are-hurting-the-palm-beach-economy/

But we can’t do Florida again without mentioning the one, the only Florida Man. If Florida Man were a real person, he’d probably be dead by now. I could literally sit here and post a thousand pages of Florida Man stories and they’d all be crazy. And they’d all be hilarious. And they’re all real! These things really happened! So here’s a few that we happened to miss.









Oh not the puppy!!!!! I mean come on, if you get shot by your own dog, that’s on you. But what other bizarre Florida stories have happened lately? How about the guy who called 911 to say he’s very high? Yes this actually happened!

Sometimes you just need to talk things out.

According to NWF Daily News, a 35-year-old man in Holt, Fla., called 911 and made an odd admission. The man’s 911 call led authorities to his home where they say he told Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office deputies that he was “very high” on methamphetamines, according to NWF Daily News. He also informed them that he had more meth on him.

He was arrested and charged with drug possession and possession of paraphernalia.

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/crime--law/florida-man-calls-911-say-very-high/UW4TaTifhRKqy2Q0xwvhbN/

Or how about the guy who threw an ax at his own father? I mean seriously, WTF Florida?

KEY WEST, Fla. - A Florida Keys man was arrested after he threw an ax at his father, injuring his wrist, Monroe County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Becky Herrin said.

Austin Odom, 26, faces a charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

Odom's 47-year-old father told deputies that he asked his son for some money to buy food, which made Odom angry. He said Odom slapped a $100 bill onto the counter, grabbed an ax and chopped the bill in half.

Herrin said Odom then threw the ax at his father, who ducked and put his hands up to protect himself.

Read more: http://www.local10.com/news/crime/florida-keys-man-throws-ax-at-father-deputies-say

[font size="4"]Texas [/font]


Next up is the return of the Lone Star State, Texas. Texas is the largest state in the union and has one of the largest economies in the United States. Texas is the home of barbecue. It is also the home of lots of universities including Baylor, Texas A&M, University Of Texas, Texas Tech, Southern Methodist, UT Arlington, Rice University, I could go on and on. Texas is also the home of lots of pro sports teams including the Dallas Cowboys, Texas Rangers, Dallas Mavericks, Dallas Stars, Houston Texans, Houston Astros, and the San Antonio Spurs. But let’s talk about Texas A&M. They recently made history by electing an openly gay man as the school’s student body chair:

An openly gay student will start as Texas A&M University's student body president in April.

Bobby Brooks, a junior from Belton studying economics, will lead A&M's student body, a milestone for the rural campus better known for its love of tradition than for its embrace of progressive social issues.

"I was an Aggie from the first day that I was born, there was no choice about it," Brooks told The Battallion, A&M's student paper. "My sexuality was a non-issue in terms of selecting Texas A&M as a university because I knew what this university could offer."

He ran on a platform of improving diversity issues at A&M, boosting student services, keeping costs low and improving relationships with faculty members.

Read more: http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/houston/article/Openly-gay-junior-to-be-Texas-A-M-student-body-11014319.php

Which we applaud the Texas A&M board for taking a bold stand on civil rights. But then again, we have to remind you that Texas is also the home of this guy:

Yes that’s former governor Rick Perry on Dancing With The Stars. The guy who couldn’t name 3 branches of government he wanted to cut, heading a branch he wanted to cut. And Rick Perry is *BACK* in the news and he can’t help but wonder about a particular election and whether or not it was rigged.

Twenty days after being sworn in as U.S. Energy Secretary, Rick Perry is weighing in on Texas A&M University's recent election for student body president, questioning the motivation behind support for the first openly gay student to serve in the position.

Former Texas Gov. Perry said he was "deeply troubled by the conduct of A&M's administration and Student Government Association" in an op-ed published online Wednesday by the Houston Chronicle following the disqualification of candidate Robert McIntosh.

The opinion piece -- which described A&M allowing an election to be "stolen -- garnered attention from media across the country, including The Washington Post and CNN. The Dallas Morning News was quick to point out that McIntosh's mother, Alison, is a Dallas-based Republican fundraiser whose other children are featured in Facebook photographs with Perry.

Before the student-led panel at Texas A&M made its election night ruling in February, the final vote count had McIntosh with 51 percent compared to his closest opponent, Bobby Brooks at 49 percent, according to SGA documents. The difference between the two was 262 ballots in the election that drew more than 12,100 students to vote in that race.

Read more: http://www.theeagle.com/news/local/perry-questions-election-of-first-openly-gay-texas-a-m/article_23a7ddaf-9dd2-57e4-9798-fca3e4df90c8.html

Really, Rick? That’s what you’re going after? Student body president elections? All of our problems have been solved? As the EPA head you solved climate change and the Flint toxic water crisis? No? Well fuck you then! If you’re so concerned about rigged elections, why don’t you start with the one in the fucking White House? Thank you! Moving on, there’s so much more we can talk about Texas. In case you’re wondering exactly how corrupt the Texas business environment is, I give you the case of an owner who spent money meant for taxes on personal travel and his ranch:

A Houston, Texas business owner pleaded guilty today to one count of failing to pay over employment taxes, announced Acting Deputy Assistant Attorney General Stuart M. Goldberg of the Justice Department’s Tax Division and Acting U.S. Attorney Abe Martinez for the Southern District of Texas.

According to documents filed with the court, Richard Floyd Tatum Jr., 57, owned Associated Marine & Industrial Staffing Inc. (AMI), an industrial staffing company that provided temporary labor to businesses in Texas and other states. Tatum employed approximately 1,000 people to include internal employees, who worked for AMI, and external employees, who AMI assigned to work on-site at client locations. Tatum was responsible for collecting, accounting for and paying over to the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) the payroll taxes withheld from AMI’s employees’ wages. Tatum exercised significant control over AMI’s finances to include entering into contracts, signing checks, to include payroll, and deciding which creditors to pay. Tatum also signed and filed AMI’s employment tax returns.
https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/texas-business-owner-pleads-guilty-not-paying-approximately-18-million-employment-taxes

And by the way, would you be surprised that when Texas was upholding Donald Trump’s illegal, immoral, unconstitutional, and international treaty violating travel ban, that the meetings didn’t go well?

The revelation — made Monday in open court by U.S. Magistrate Judge Andrew Austin — conflicts with what Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials told local leaders after the sweep, when ICE characterized the operation as routine and said the Austin area was not being targeted. It also provides evidence after weeks of speculation that Hernandez’s policy triggered ICE’s ire.

“We had a briefing … that we could expect a big operation, agents coming in from out of town, that it was going to be a specific operation, and at least it was related to us in that meeting that it was the result of the sheriff’s new policy that this was going to happen,” Austin said.

“My understanding, what was told to us, is that one of the reasons that happened was because the meetings that had occurred between the (ICE) field office director and the sheriff didn’t go very well,” he said.

Read more: http://www.mystatesman.com/news/judge-ice-said-austin-raid-was-because-sanctuary-policy/dHWeSUd7nyp0XPJ6HcW8NP/

And then there’s even more than that. In case you’re wondering if the Texas state legislature couldn’t possibly be any more evil, I give you this:

AUSTIN — The Texas Senate on Monday gave preliminary approval to a bill that would ban parents from suing a doctor who doesn't tell them their baby has a disability or counsel them on their options, including abortion.

Sen. Brandon Creighton, the bill's author, revised the legislation after numerous media reports said a bill to ban "wrongful birth" lawsuits would allow doctors to lie to their patients. The new language doesn't relieve doctors of their duties under "any other applicable law."

Creighton, R-Conroe, told lawmakers Monday that existing laws protect parents from doctors who fail to tell them the truth, so they could file negligence or malpractice claims instead.

"This in no way allows them to get out from under their current duty or standard of care," he said. "They fall under all applicable laws that are currently on the books for any bad-actor scenario."

Read more: http://www.dallasnews.com/news/texas-legislature/2017/03/20/senate-oks-bill-protect-doctors-tell-womenabout-fetal-disabilities

And their bathroom bill promises to be worse than North Carolina’s. I mean come on, do they want the TSA from South Park to be a reality?

Galvanized by concern over the transgender bathroom bill, about 1,000 advocates for equal treatment rallied Monday at the Capitol to decry Senate Bill 6 as a dangerous solution to a problem that does not exist.

“Our LGBTQ-plus family is under attack, again, and it is not OK,” actress Sara Ramirez, known for a longtime role on the “Grey’s Anatomy” TV drama, told the crowd on the Capitol’s south steps.

“Loving thy neighbor as thyself means making sure all Texans have equal rights — and the same access to bathrooms,” Ramirez said.

A similar advocacy day in 2015 drew about 80 participants to the Capitol. But Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick’s quest to crack down on transgender-friendly bathroom policies, begun about a year ago, sparked a surge of interest in fighting for equal rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Texans, said Chuck Smith, executive director of Equality Texas.

Read more: http://www.mystatesman.com/news/rally-draws-000-transgender-bathroom-bill-opponents/TepgnGaZet3aLtJ7BKh4PI/

And since we like to end on the lighter side, we here at the Top 10 would like to remind you that not all crazy happens in Florida. Sure they’re responsible for a good 93% (+- 7% margin of error), but not all crazy comes from Florida. There’s plenty of good old fashioned crazy in Texas.

SAN ANTONIO — A man dropped his pants at the Alamo on Saturday then rode a stick pony and swung a rubber chicken, and it almost got him arrested.

Performance artist and self-proclaimed clown Matthew Silver, 38, shared footage of the weekend incident on his Facebook page, when he dropped trou to show off his tight-fitting "Speedo" underwear.

The thick-bearded, shirtless man then grabbed a stick pony and rubber chicken and proceeded to say to the camera, “I’m at the Alamo! I’m at the Alamo!”

The Facebook video has more than 28,100 views as of Tuesday morning.

Read more: http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local/article/Video-Alamo-Rangers-detain-man-underwear-pony-11017106.php

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is… [/font]

Oh my god!!!! Holy shit!!!! Florida man attempted to score a basket by bouncing off a trampoline and pulling a Michael Jordan, and crashed into the glass and fell on the floor! He’s bleeding everywhere, folks! Oh the humanity!



And this is a shocker! Florida has lost! With their star player out for the forseeable future unless he takes crystal meth (which is strictly forbidden by NFFSA rules, though like steroids in baseball, overlooked if used) , Florida is out. Texas shocks Florida! And they will advance to the Final Four. Final score – 83 – 75. I tell you folks, anything can happen in this tournament, and we literally witnessed a bloodbath! Just look at the shocked faces on the kids in the audience! Some parents in the audience are going to have some ‘splainin to do, am I right? This is the exact same stunt that cost Florida the tournament last year, I mean fool me once… shame on you. But this is Florida we’re talking about. Next week, we’re going back to the Family Values Conference. Alabama. Tennessee. This is for all the LGBT bigotry and hypocrisy!

[font size="8"]And now this:[/font]
[font size="8"]CLUTCH[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, this music will grow hair on your knuckles. Playing their song “A Quick Death In Texas” (speaking of Texas!), from their album “Psychic Warfare”, available everywhere music is sold, please welcome the one, the only CLUTCH!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

[irisblue]

1. KnR for Intechs' talent

[niyad]

2. k and r and bookmarking. have to run.

[underpants]

3. Pork? Fast fact - the Smithfield Packing plant in Tar Heel NC "processes" 32,000 pigs a day

32,000. Each day. Every day. And NOTHING is wasted. They'd package the squeal if they could.


It's true. You can look it up.

[countingbluecars]

4. K&R

[tblue37]

5. Just a quick FYI--it is the Department of Energy, not the EPA, that Rick Perry forgot

the name of and now is the head of.

About this phrasing by Devin Nunes:

“I’m quite sure that I think. . . ."

That is self-contradictory. We say, "I think," when we believe something to be true but are not quite sure of it! Is he trying to compete with Palin and Trump in the Wird Salad Tournament?

[malaise]

6. Great stuff as usual

Still reading

[Initech]

8. Yeah I try to make these things short...

But there's so much news that it's hard to contain it all!

[malaise]

12. Kick

Way too good

[Gabi Hayes]

7. some fffffing funny stuff in there! especially the QVT, or whatever garbage up for sale:

gotta get me some of this



or one of those first lady coins.....very tasteful!

[Initech]

9. Thanks! I had some fun with that one!

Might be one of my best yet!

I wish I could find some cheesy QVC background music to go with it!

[Gabi Hayes]

10. didn't realize that was you! thought it was a c and p job all the

way through

I is impressed!

the melania coin was the top!

btw, how STUPID is she? did you see her trying to figure out how to talk and look at the prompters tonight?

wonder how hard he had to strangle her to get her to do this

[Initech]

11. Their articles, my commentary!

And that is a disturbing thought. Not going there!