Mike Pence by the onion.

[applegrove]

http://www.theonion.com/article/mike-pence-asks-waiter-remove-mrs-butterworth-tabl-55661?utm_content=Main&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing

"SNIP..........

WASHINGTON—Expressing concerns about the propriety of being left alone with a syrup container of the opposite sex, Vice President Mike Pence reportedly asked his waiter Thursday to remove Mrs. Butterworth from the table until his wife arrived to join him at a local diner. “Excuse me, sir, would you please take this out of my line of sight until my wife gets here?” said Pence, who reportedly attempted to put the table’s sugar dispenser and salt and pepper shakers between him and the feminine syrup bottle before deciding that even having Mrs. Butterworth within arm’s reach could lead him to have impure thoughts. “It just would not be right for me to sit here alone with a woman-shaped container, particularly one as shapely as this. In fact, I would advise you to do the same for the man sitting over there—I see he is sitting very close to Mrs. Butterworth even though he appears to be wearing a wedding ring.” At press time, Pence had asked the waiter to pour syrup on his pancakes for him, as it would be unseemly to handle the curves of the plastic woman in such a public place.

...........SNIP"

[Ilsa]

1. And he's afraid Aunt Jemima might yank

That scarf off her head and shake down her tresses at him to seduce him.

Better make sure the salad dressing is Kraft, not Marie's. And certainly not Ken's salad dressing lest someone think he's gay or bi.

[Ilsa]

2. Other items he can't eat while alone:

Mrs. Paul's fish sticks
Marie Callender dinners or pies
He might be safe with Sister Schubert's parker house rolls.

God help him if Betty Crocker or Sara Lee show up.

[LOL Lib]

3. Pence must not have any self control.

It must really suck to be so weak minded that the presence of a woman other than his wife might lead him to spontaneously ejaculate in his underoos. What a putz!