Government still unable to evict squatters from the White House
Mr. Tak E. Buffon continues to squat in the White House since January 20th.
Unwilling to use force with such an "unpredictable actor", government officials have tried to use various "soft power" schemes to remove him.
The initial plan was to lure Mr. Buffoon away from DC with trips to various Buffoon owned golf courses, but sadly, he always found a way to return.
An alternative plan was to remove all Sharpies within a twenty mile radius of the District of Columbia, but Mr. Buffoon’s cadre of enablers smuggled in a supply of the markers disguised in a Big Mac wrapper.
Mr. Buffoon continues to do significant damage to the historical residence. Recently he was heard screaming, “Gold plate those toilets NOW!”
Mr. Buffoon also carries on his policy of his destruction for the country. “Let’s put coal sludge in the rivers!” “More carbon in the air!” “War on women - YES!” "Grant guns to senile old people!” “Let’s bomb people! ”Ooh, that’s a really big bomb - use it - find someplace to use it!”
When asked for a statement, popularly elected Hillary Clinton said, “Oh, ^&*#, this will take a long time to clean up. And I thought Obama had it bad.”
Senators Sanders and Warren have also indicated their willingness to help with the clean up. Senator Sanders said today, “Were it necessary to go into the White House and bite that fool on the calf to remove him, I would consider it.” Senator Warren was quoted as saying, “I have a shovel. I am willing to help with the clean up.” When asked whether she the aforementioned shovel was a snow shovel or garden spade, Ms. Warren replied, “I own both, and I fear both might be necessary.”
Alternatives do remain to remove Mr. Buffoon. Senator Burr and Representative Conaway could grow a spine and serve an eviction notice, but medical experts consulted for this report indicate that this is unlikely. Alternatively, Vladimir Putin might grow tired of blackmailing Mr. Buffoon, and release the damaging information he is known to possess.
Support for Mr. Buffoon remains strong in the heartland. When questioned, one Buffoon voter in Obscure county in a state beginning with a vowel said, “Sure. I still support him. He is bringing his Trump tie factory back from China to give us jobs.”
Replying to that comment, Buffoon spokesman and former White House Easter bunny said, “Mr. Buffoon denies the truth of that statement. He cares more about his markup than he does about the welfare of the American people. Oops, I told the truth - ignore that.”
As the press corps peppered him with follow up questions, Mr. former WH bunny became confused and ended the press conference shouting “Hitler is still under audit!"
I should not watch the WH press conferences, It causes me to write fake news.
Or is it fake?
The "check spelling" function is giving me some weird stuff. Hope this post looks OK.
= new reply since forum marked as read
