"Allow Me, a Simple English Major, to Decode FBI Director Comey's Goodbye Letter"

[ehrnst]

To all:

I DIDN’T EVEN ACTUALLY GET TO SEND THIS TO EVERYONE IN THE DEPARTMENT BECAUSE I WAS SHOVED OUT LIKE A GODDAMNED PARIAH WHO HAD PISSED IN H.R.’S COFFEE SO FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW POST IT ON FREAKIN’ FACEBOOK SO THAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER SEES IT PRINT OUT COPIES AND DROP THEM FROM OUR STEALTH SPY AIRPLANES OVER THE AMBER FIELDS OF AMERICA MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS

I’M OFFICIALLY NAILING THIS SHIT TO THE CHURCH DOOR LIKE MARTIN LUTHER

I have long believed that a President can fire an FBI Director for any reason, or for no reason at all.

IN CASE IT’S NOT PERFECTLY CLEAR I’M THE LATTER CASE Y’ALL OR ELSE I WOULDN’T HAVE MENTIONED IT

I’m not going to spend time on the decision or the way it was executed.

YEAH I’M NOT GONNA GO INTO IT HERE BECAUSE H.R.’S LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER BUT THE FACT THAT I MENTION “THE DECISION” IS MEANT TO BE A BIG RED FLAG CALLING YOUR ATTENTION TO SHITBAG TRUMP’S SHITBAG DECISION

AND THE FACT THAT I ALSO MENTION THE WAY IT WAS EXECUTED IS MEANT TO REMIND YOU THAT THAT MOTHERF–ER DIDN’T EVEN HAVE THE BASIC RESPECT TO CALL ME OR LOOK ME IN THE EYE WHEN HE FIRED ME LISTEN FRIENDS WE TREAT FBI TRAINEES BETTER WHEN WE CATCH THEM DOING SILENCE OF THE LAMBS COSPLAY IN THE QUANTICO DORMS AT NIGHT

LISTEN FRIENDS ENTRY-LEVEL TEMPS GET BETTER TREATMENT THAN YOUR MAN HERE WHO DEDICATED DECADES OF HIS LIFE TO KEEPING THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY SAFE WHILE TRUMP LIVED IN A GOLDEN TOWER HOSTING REALITY TELEVISION SHOWS AND GRABBING PUSSIES YOU BEST BELIEVE YOU BETTER SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME THINKING ABOUT HOW THIS WAS HANDLED EVEN TOTAL FAILURES GET A HEADS-UP FIRST AND I’M STILL WAITING TO HEAR ABOUT SEVERANCE FROM H.R.

I hope you won’t either.

I HOPE YOU WILL[

more....

https://www.themarysue.com/comey-goodbye-letter/

[PsychoBabble]

1. Full thing very funny

[Barack_America]

2. The punctuation makes me doubt the English major claim, but it's hilarious.

[Kber]

8. LOL

Me too!

But still very funny!

[TheBlackAdder]

3. I think the formatting got lost when you posted it. I fixed it for you.

.

To all:

I DIDN’T EVEN ACTUALLY GET TO SEND THIS TO EVERYONE IN THE DEPARTMENT BECAUSE I WAS SHOVED OUT LIKE A GODDAMNED PARIAH WHO HAD PISSED IN H.R.’S COFFEE SO FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW POST IT ON FREAKIN’ FACEBOOK SO THAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER SEES IT PRINT OUT COPIES AND DROP THEM FROM OUR STEALTH SPY AIRPLANES OVER THE AMBER FIELDS OF AMERICA MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS

I’M OFFICIALLY NAILING THIS SHIT TO THE CHURCH DOOR LIKE MARTIN LUTHER


I have long believed that a President can fire an FBI Director for any reason, or for no reason at all.

IN CASE IT’S NOT PERFECTLY CLEAR I’M THE LATTER CASE Y’ALL OR ELSE I WOULDN’T HAVE MENTIONED IT

I’m not going to spend time on the decision or the way it was executed.

YEAH I’M NOT GONNA GO INTO IT HERE BECAUSE H.R.’S LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER BUT THE FACT THAT I MENTION “THE DECISION” IS MEANT TO BE A BIG RED FLAG CALLING YOUR ATTENTION TO SHITBAG TRUMP’S SHITBAG DECISION

AND THE FACT THAT I ALSO MENTION THE WAY IT WAS EXECUTED IS MEANT TO REMIND YOU THAT THAT MOTHERF–ER DIDN’T EVEN HAVE THE BASIC RESPECT TO CALL ME OR LOOK ME IN THE EYE WHEN HE FIRED ME LISTEN FRIENDS WE TREAT FBI TRAINEES BETTER WHEN WE CATCH THEM DOING SILENCE OF THE LAMBS COSPLAY IN THE QUANTICO DORMS AT NIGHT

LISTEN FRIENDS ENTRY-LEVEL TEMPS GET BETTER TREATMENT THAN YOUR MAN HERE WHO DEDICATED DECADES OF HIS LIFE TO KEEPING THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY SAFE WHILE TRUMP LIVED IN A GOLDEN TOWER HOSTING REALITY TELEVISION SHOWS AND GRABBING PUSSIES YOU BEST BELIEVE YOU BETTER SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME THINKING ABOUT HOW THIS WAS HANDLED EVEN TOTAL FAILURES GET A HEADS-UP FIRST AND I’M STILL WAITING TO HEAR ABOUT SEVERANCE FROM H.R.



I hope you won’t either.

I HOPE YOU WILL

.

[ehrnst]

4. Bwahhhhaaaa!!!

And I adore Blackadder!!!

[Leghorn21]

5. Brilliant!! Must read, start to finish! Thanks, ehrnst! eom

[Nevernose]

6. I believe the "turbulence" line was a reference to Henry II

And Thomas a Becket. "Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?"

Also: really funny.

[zeusdogmom]

7. Just happens to be the 500th anniversary of Luther

nailing his 95 points to the doors of his hometown church in Wittenberg. We all know what that unleashed.