F.B.I. to Special-Order a Pair of Tiny Handcuffs

[L. Coyote]

Andy Borowitz on Fb today:
I agree with Donald J. Trump's advice to the police - when the inevitable day comes that he is handcuffed and loaded into a paddy wagon, they shouldn't be too gentle with him.

F.B.I. to Special-Order a Pair of Tiny Handcuffs
By Andy Borowitz - February 15, 2017

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Federal Bureau of Investigation is special-ordering a pair of “tiny handcuffs,” an F.B.I. spokesman confirmed on Wednesday.

The spokesman, Harland Dorrinson, downplayed the significance of the handcuff purchase, calling it “strictly routine.”

“In reviewing our inventory of handcuffs, we found that we only had models that fit normal-sized hands,” Dorrinson said. “This order is intended to remedy that.”

The F.B.I. spokesperson said that, if regulation-sized handcuffs were used on a suspect with “extremely small or tiny hands,” the suspect could slip out of them and elude capture.

“That’s the scenario we’re trying to avoid with these minuscule handcuffs,” he said.

Dorrinson would not speculate when the special-ordered pair of microscopic handcuffs might be used ................

[dalton99a]

1. Gold-plated?

Not very nice without the gold plating

[jmowreader]

3. With mink lining too

The real problem isn't the cuffs. They can use cable ties if they have to. The big problem is going to be the rhinoceros-sized leg irons needed for his Con Air flight.

[BumRushDaShow]

4. Must have his name or initials engraved too.

[Gothmog]

2. I love good satire