Man in Hostage Video Forced to Recite Words Not His Own

[Generic Other]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A disturbing hostage video surfaced on Monday showing an American man woodenly reciting words that were not his own.
The video, which was broadcast on all the major news networks, raised concerns for the man, whose robotic performance indicated that he was reading a prepared statement under duress.
While the man appeared well fed and, to a certain extent, healthy, his facial expressions and body language convinced experts that the act of reciting the prepared text was an extraordinary ordeal for him.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/man-in-hostage-video-forced-to-recite-words-not-his-own?mbid=nl_081417%20Borowitz%20Newsletter%20

[riversedge]

1. ha ha. what a hoot.

[spanone]

2. Love Andy Borowitz

[underpants]

3. From the moment he began speaking, the subjects in his sentences agreed with the verbs, he said.

“From the moment he began speaking, the subjects in his sentences agreed with the verbs,” he said. “That set off alarm bells.”

[calimary]

8. He used the same lines again, at the beginning, including the word "egregious."

When I heard that one over the weekend, my first thought was - "awwww... baby just learned a new word!"

[Gothmog]

4. I love good satire

[NastyRiffraff]

5. This is a good example of

parody mirroring truth.

Dump actually DID sound like a hostage unwillingly reciting words written for him.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

6. I usually detect Borowitz, but this time not until after I finished the excerpt. Brilliant! . . . nt

[LakeArenal]

7. "The man appeared well fed...

...and to a certain effect, healthy.

But his skin tones appeared quite abnormal.

[Honeycombe8]

9. LOL. nt

[Solly Mack]

10. K&R