Millions Willing to Work for Mueller for Free If That Would Speed Things Up

[Generic Other]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans would gladly work for Robert Mueller for free if that would help speed things up, a new poll finds.

According to the survey, a substantial number of Americans would leave their jobs, their homes, and even their families to join the special counsel’s team if doing so would help bring this nightmare to a swifter conclusion.

A spokesperson for the special counsel confirmed that his office has been receiving thousands of résumés a day from Americans begging to do anything to help Mueller “move things along.”

more:
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/millions-willing-to-work-for-mueller-for-free-if-that-would-speed-things-up?mbid=nl_081517%20Borowitz%20Newsletter%20

This is a spoof but also may be true.

[Pacifist Patriot]

1. I've offered to donate cases of Red Bull if it would help.

Alas, I do not have the knowledge and skills that would be most beneficial. But I'd help in any way I could.

[Leith]

2. Count Me In

I have decades of office and computer programming skills, including databases. Heck, I'd be willing to go around emptying wastebaskets, replacing drinks, and bringing meals and snacks.

[Gothmog]

3. I love good satire

[TeapotInATempest]

4. Sign me up!

[Orrex]

5. LOL. Borowitz is dangerous!

He is so consistently great at posting just-possible satire.

It's cliche to point it out, but if I didn't see the link/byline, I would very often mistake his work for actual reporting.

[maxsolomon]

6. it's funny, but i want it airtight

and I want President Asshole, not everyone around him.

RICO charges take a long time to make airtight. I can wait.