Millions Willing to Work for Mueller for Free If That Would Speed Things Up
By Andy Borowitz
12:01 P.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Millions of Americans would gladly work for Robert Mueller for free if that would help speed things up, a new poll finds.
According to the survey, a substantial number of Americans would leave their jobs, their homes, and even their families to join the special counsels team if doing so would help bring this nightmare to a swifter conclusion.
A spokesperson for the special counsel confirmed that his office has been receiving thousands of résumés a day from Americans begging to do anything to help Mueller move things along.
We saw a big surge in interest after the bust on Paul Manaforts house, the spokesperson said. A lot of folks were devastated that they didnt get to play a part in that.
The spokesperson said that, although the special counsel really appreciates the publics interest in helping out, limitations on office space prevent Mueller from accommodating all of those who desperately want to pitch in.
We hate to disappoint people, but were overwhelmed, the spokesperson said. Right now, I have about five thousand résumés from people who just want to help investigate Jared.
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