Joss Whedon's Ex-Wife: 'He Is Not Who He Pretends to Be'

[oberliner]

Joss Whedon’s ex-wife, Kai Cole, wrote a gut-wrenching personal essay for the Wrap today, detailing the conflict between her former husband’s vocal support of feminism and what Cole sees as his contradictory personal choices—namely, the several affairs that he carried out in secret over the course of their 16-year marriage.

Whedon has been widely praised for his propensity for writing “strong women characters,” a particular plaudit that he’s enthusiastically embraced. But Cole sees the real Whedon somewhat differently, having not only been cheated on by him for years, but also serving as an unwitting tool to exculpate him from criticism that he was anything less than a model feminist ally.

http://jezebel.com/joss-whedons-ex-wife-he-is-not-who-he-pretends-to-be-1798143415

[DavidDvorkin]

1. Well, damn.

[Proud Liberal Dem]

2. Seems that we have another "hero" who actually has feet of clay

I have learned not to get too excited and reverent about celebrities. They're all human too and have the same flaws, foibles, and problems as everybody else- we just don't always hear about the rotten stuff.

[TheDebbieDee]

3. Didn't read the article but I'm not understanding

How fidelity and sympathizing with feminist are one and the same! Why would being a feminist mean that he's faithful to his marital vows?

[oberliner]

7. Maybe you should read the article

Because she provides some details that may help answer that question.

[politicat]

9. If someone can't treat their primary partner with decency & respect, why expect it in other

Relationships? (Though the feminist-geek community has been pointing out a lot of "not so feminist" within his work for about 15 years. Even given the standards of the late 1990s vs today.)

Nice Guys(TM) and sexual harassers do camouflage themselves in the language and culture of social justice movements, including feminism, as a means of having a hunting grounds. It comes from objectification, from seeing people as conquests, from putting one's own desires above the interests of others. Which are explicitly not feminist attitudes.

The section that concerns me is "affairs" with coworkers. As Exec Producer, head writer and show-runner, there aren't many co-equal relationships there. It's almost impossible to imagine any possible relationship without an exploitative power dynamic.

And Ms Cole describes heavy gaslighting -- that's emotional abuse. (And possibly some financial or career abuse.)

I say this as a (queasy) fan, who recognizes the extremely problematic aspects of his work.

[kcr]

11. It's not about fidelity

He used the casting couch to sleep with women, then blamed them by calling them needy, all the while lying to his wife about it. Then he cloaked himself with the feminist label to hide it all.

[Tiggeroshii]

4. That has nothing to do with feminism and far more to do with fidelity

Surely he has issues he needs to work out with himself, but being a feminist is not one.

[oberliner]

8. Did you read the piece?

He sure doesn't sound like a feminist based on what he wrote to her.

[Tiggeroshii]

10. No. I didn't... I'll check it out, that is too bad :(

[Dreamer Tatum]

5. Thank god we knew this before he dies so we can disregard him now.

Don't know about you guys, but I thought he was perfect. He's in Hollywood, after all.

[bluepen]

6. This is the problem with celebrity culture.

It happens with actors and musicians more often (because they tend to become more famous than writers) but it's all the same.

People enjoy the creative output, then project onto the creator what they think that person is like. Or worse, what that person SHOULD be like. And rarely does it work out.

People are flawed. People do things we don't like, things we don't approve of, things that are bad. If that "ruins" the creations for a fan, that's on the fan, not the creator. These people offer their art for consumption, not their entire lives.

That, and there's usually more to a story than one person's account. (I have no idea if that's the case here, but I also don't care.)

[rusty fender]

12. Can you be a craven cad

and a feminist? I don't think so...