Pity the poor aide charged with driving Rep. Todd Rokita around his district.

[brooklynite]

Politico:

Who knew it could take eight pages of instructions on how to properly escort a member of Congress around his district? Yet there it is, laid out in mind-blowing detail, in a memo obtained by POLITICO that's sure to make any young, eager-beaver political aide shudder.

Tasks listed in the document, entitled “Instructions on Staffing and Driving — District Version,” include handing Rokita a cup of black coffee upon picking him up at his home, acting as a physical barrier between him and trackers looking to capture embarrassing footage of the congressman, and “avoid[ing] sudden acceleration or braking” while driving.

“The goal is to provide as smooth a ride as possible,” reads the instruction manual, co-authored by a former chief of staff to the congressman and Tim Edson, Rokita’s ex-communications director-turned-campaign spokesman.

Drivers are expected to transport not only Rokita’s toothbrush and toothpaste but also stock and tote around the district a nearly 20-item supply box that Rokita’s staffers call “the football.” The contents include gum, hand sanitizer, business cards, bottled water, napkins and Kleenex, lozenges, a stapler and stapler remover, Post-it notes and Shout wipes, among other items.

[Solly Mack]

1. Yeah, no. I'm the only prima donna in my life.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. Does the driver have to wipe his ass for him, too?

[CurtEastPoint]

3. I hope he gets SO SHAMED by this. WTF does he think he is? Princess Di?

[TygrBright]

4. meh.... pretty standard PA stuff, really. n/t

[gratuitous]

6. Nothing out of the realm of reasonableness

It's just that it has to be written out in such soul-shriveling detail. Let me guess: Rep. Rokita is one of those small government types who think that the nanny state doesn't have to spell out every little thing (such as "Don't make the air unbreathable" for industries). That kind of laissez-faire philosophy doesn't extend to his own life. "SEE? IT SAYS RIGHT HERE THAT I GET A CUP OF BLACK COFFEE WHEN YOU SHOW UP, DAMMIT!"

[Sanity Claws]

5. Republican from Indiana

I guess we all knew he was Republican. I had to look him up to try to figure out his prima donna origins.

[Achilleaze]

8. republicans think they are frikken royalty

screw that. Real patriotic Americans ditched the frikken royals over 200 years ago.

Royally deplorable republian horseshit.

[Angry Dragon]

7. TER is an unprepared ass

[DFW]

9. Is he a Congressman or a member of Van Halen?

I have to go back and see what color M&Ms he requested.

[jberryhill]

10. My son has that job for a US Senator

...and he thought that was pretty funny.