So what do us good guys do or say during this huge Weinstein scandal?

[titaniumsalute]

Obviously sexual harassment and sexual abuse in/near the workplace is nothing new. But the Weinstein scandal has really lit a match...or inferno...into the topic. My opinion is it is good this has blown up because it drives serious conversations from everything cable news, newspapers, talk radio, blogs, social media, etc.

But yesterday I was reading some comments from a blog where the 4 or 5 woman were just sort of lumping all men together. Saying things like "Men are generally scum down deep..." and "It is in men's DNA to treat woman like objects..." to "I really don't trust any man at the end of the day..."

Whoa. Shit. I guess they are lumping me into this mix. I've always been very cognizant of not being a turd to woman or coming across in a weird sexual perverse manner. I had a few times I drank too much and felt like my flirting went too far with comments or actions and felt shitty about the next day. (never co-workers just in random bars.)

But now in my early 40s and a manager I have ZERO tolerance for this in my workplace. I also have two boys 19 and 13 and remind them often to be respectful, hands off, etc. I'm married to a HS teacher who sees all kinds of things everyday and who tries to instill the same type of respect into her male students.

At the end of the day I don't even know how to be included in this conversation though. I don't chime in on social media even though I've been reading numerous first hand abuse accounts from even friends and family members. I don't want it to come across disingenuous or seemingly forced.

I recently drove a co-worker home from an event because she drank too much. Being at night and she was drunk I made sure she got into the house OK. I didn't even move more than a few feet across the threshold of her house however. I kind of wanted to make sure she made it to a couch but I didn't want any perception of any wrongdoing so I just immediately left once she was inside. I don't know...it is a weird time.

[MineralMan]

1. Sometimes, it's best to say nothing and simply listen.

Perhaps...

[WinkyDink]

2. 1. Behave. 2. Next time, call a cab.

[titaniumsalute]

4. I've never been one to put a drunk girl into a cab and wish them good luck

I was going to call an Uber but I decided that could be even more risky. We've been friends for a long time...she's like a sister to me so I wasn't worried about it. But once I stepped into her house it hit me to just leave ASAP. I hadn't been drinking at all that night due to an early morning physical.

[jberryhill]

6. If there were other people at the event, get one to come along

[OnDoutside]

12. That's good advice.

[titaniumsalute]

17. There wasn't any employees left

But I could have called one and had them meet me maybe to drive along. She lives near me so it was on my way home.

In hindsight you think of all of these things...at the time it was just I want to get home...I want her to get home safely.

But good advice.

[Jim Beard]

3. Stay the hell away from a drunk misandry woman

[PJMcK]

15. In general, your advice seems cogent

As jberryhill wrote above, calling the woman a cab and seeing her get into it safely is polite, proper and self-protecting.

In the context of this story, however, the co-worker was not identified as a man-hater, only that she was drunk.

[titaniumsalute]

18. She certainly isn't a man hater

Most of her friends are males. She jokes she's the "dude" in her group of girlfriends.

I wasn't very worried about this situation but if I were put into a similar situation with maybe someone I didn't know as well.

Obviously the point is don't get sloshed at a work event. We had the discussion the next day. But of course things get out of hand occasionally and it just happens to get a little too liquored up.

[PJMcK]

21. Good advice

"Obviously the point is don't get sloshed at a work event."

Or any other event, unless you're in a safe place. Maybe not even then, ha, ha!

[Jim Beard]

24. Drunk people don't always remember events correctly. Stay the hell away. I had a young girl and her

younger brother come to my door last week selling a dozen Crispy Cream donuts for a class fundraiser. I live in a very small town and see this every year and most of the time, the kids class project gets to keep very little of the money. I usually just give a donation instead which gives then more money. As I started back in my house to get some cash, the kids also started to follow me inside. I told them WHOA! All of us could get in trouble and for them to wait.

[jberryhill]

5. "I recently drove a co-worker home from an event because she drank too much"

Never do that alone.

That could be a huge mistake.

[titaniumsalute]

8. I agree with you...

I did text my boss and told him I was doing it so at least I'd be up front with it. But I told my wife I'm not doing that again.

[underthematrix]

7. You tell them 53% of white women voted

for a man who talked about phucking his daughter. Pointed at 10 year old girls he wanted to date, talked about sexually assaulting women by grabbing them by the pussy, was accused of domestic violence and rape by his first wife, and has been sued by a women who said he raped her when she was 12.

When you do this, then sexual harassment is not an issue. This is about something else.

[fleur-de-lisa]

9. I think you did the right thing.

Since she was a good friend, I agree that you shouldn't have just shoved her into a cab and left her to whatever fate awaited.

You weren't drunk, so it was safe to drive, and you left her house immediately.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

10. The "conversation" you want to have needs to be with men.

With women, listen and offer support.

With men, share your knowledge and understanding. Read about rape culture with an open mind. Learn how being encouraged to hug Uncle Tim is connected to our culture of disregarding consent. Follow feminists on Twitter. Read some more. Listen some more.

[titaniumsalute]

13. Good points

My circle of close male friends are all pretty like minded. We don't really talk much about this stuff but we could for sure. I've never detected any of them have abused woman in any way or frankly I wouldn't have anything to do with them.

I guess listening is probably about the best thing I can do.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

14. No, talking with your male friends is the best thing you could do.

Too many men think this issue doesn't touch them because they know they don't assault or harass and are sure their buddies wouldn't either, when women's experience says otherwise. Of course you haven't "detected" that any of them abuse women -- they don't do it in front of you. The men who are assaulting and harassing women don't work in a vacuum; they play off the supportive friendships of men as well.

[Demit]

11. I'm curious. Whose perception of wrongdoing were you worried about?

[ghostsinthemachine]

16. You know, I am wondering that myself

I don't get 'Bad Penis Syndrome".

I am always the good guy, more female friends than male.(most men are too simple) I've known people who have raped. Been accused of rape. A good friend of mine has been in a horrible marriage (documented last year here). She has been raped 4 times. (I posted here). I've always been drawn to women that were completely fucked in the head. Most of the time becoming friends only. Many are lesbians. Once they get into a relationship, our friendship ends. Or if I get into one. Then my partner is my best friend. Or should be.

The one thing my fucked in the head friends have in common is they were abused by men. Each and every one of them. From Sherrie who was raped repeatedly over many years by many in a church foster home, to the woman I am seeing at the moment. My first wife was raped, by her brothers. She took her own life because of it.

I grew up in the Playboy days. The porn days, the
San Francisco during all the revolutions including the sexual revolution days. I look too. Always have, always will. I don't ogle, stalk, flash, but I do look. I think women are beautiful.


I've never forced a woman to have sex with me. Not even close. In fact, I've been forced to have sex twice by women I was friends with (very complicated). I prefer, and always have, to delay sex as long as possible. Or so I tell myself. Doesn't always work that way however. I prefer romantic. I've found that if you wait a while, you can communicate about sex more, and that leads to a more complete sex life.

I don't know how to react to this. Thankfully most of the men in my life are hippie freaks, and respect women. But damn, sometimes it seems that good guys are becoming harder to find. Or that you just never know. I've had good friends who were serial child molesters.
Women are closing off too. Always leery. Shame.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

19. Here are some tips.

1. Google: what can men do harassment, or a variation thereof.

2. Read and learn.

3. Google: how to be a male ally, or a variation thereof.

4. Read and learn.

5. Google: how can men stop rape, or a variation thereof.

6. Read and learn.

7. Keep reading and learning and using it to inform your conversations with men, the way you listen to women and how you act in the world.

[samnsara]

20. im sorry we do this.... i sometimes do this with my hubby and its...

...not fair to him. I told ( kinda yelled it) him that hes at the top of the social food chain.....a white American male. He responded that he 'hadn't thought of it that way before'. Hes a raging feminist... but he hadn't thought of that before? So sometimes we both forget...

[ileus]

22. Just deny it ever happened and point to their side.

[Vinca]

23. Nothing.If a rightie gives you grief ask them why Trump's buddy just bailed out Weinstein's company.

[lagomorph777]

26. Ask them why they voted for a confessed sexual assaulter.

[lagomorph777]

25. Screw him. Shun him.

Above all, don't elect him President.

We aren't Reputins; we are better than that.

[MichMan]

29. Is Weinstein running for president?

[lagomorph777]

32. No, but if he was an (R) and he ran, he'd win.

Because that's the difference between us.

[Not Ruth]

27. "Lets Generalize About Men ......the hilarious misandrist anthem that the world needs

This is a timely song

https://hellogiggles.com/reviews-coverage/tv-shows/crazy-ex-girlfriend-lets-generalize/

"There are not exceptions, all three million men are like this!”

[Laffy Kat]

28. OK, so you handled it fine.

No one was victimized in your last paragraph, including you.

[titaniumsalute]

33. No

But I was thinking how the situation today is much more delicate then previously. Kind of like as a white guy I seem to be going out of my way to be kind to different ethnic groups as to not be labeled "one of those bad white Trump voters."

[Bettie]

30. It isn't even really about men exactly

it is about power and the fact that in our society, power means the ability to behave like a complete asshole toward everyone, but especially toward women.

It shows that they feel entitled to whatever they desire, even if it is someone else's body.

Those "Men's Rights Movement" guys? They feel powerless, so they act just like their role models: rich white guys who do whatever they want without consequence.

The thing that horrifies me is that these are the metaphorical cockroaches we see...how many more are there? Probably a lot more than any of us would like to consider.

[Jim Beard]

31. This always puzzles me....

It isn't even really about men exactly

it is about power and the fact that in our society, power means the ability to behave like a complete asshole toward everyone, but especially toward women.

Why is there always the but?