Oh shit! I totally forgot about the Civil War we were supposed to start today.

[NightWatcher]

Tell me some of you guys picked up the slack... for Antifa's sake.

Once again, my bad.

[marylandblue]

1. Sorry, the Civil War was cancelled due to lack of interest

Only three of us showed up and all we had were protest signs.

[NightWatcher]

3. Oh well, at least you tried.

[MFM008]

37. I had a sign

Protesting protest signs.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. Sorry, I got really busy today.

It all sort of slipped my mind, to tell you the truth.

[HipChick]

5. Damn...was that today?

[Wounded Bear]

4. Was that today?

Well, shit.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. Yeah, I guess. I forgot to put it in my iPhone calendar

so I ended up doing some grocery shopping and got so busy trying to find some decent bananas that I completely forgot to kill anybody.

[TomSlick]

6. I feel really bad about this.

I never got the word.

[rusty quoin]

8. I thought it would happen, but I also prepare for all rapture predictions.

My home is full of Jim Bakker tubs of tasty food and bibles.

[SergeStorms]

31. No Alex Jones goodies?

You're going for those good "christian" survival rations, huh? Water into wine, loaves and fishes......that sort of stuff. Alex Jones' profit margins must be tanking, while Jim Bakker's 'prophet' margins are going sky high! Just a little pre-apocalyptic humor there.

[rusty quoin]

32. Of course I drink the Alex Jones chocolate shake so that I can be as fit as him...DUH

[SergeStorms]

35. If your goal in life...

is to be as fit as Alex Jones, you might want to raise that bar just alittle higher. That's said in jest, just to make myself perfectly clear.

The man's a walking heart attack. They say you can hear his arteries harden clear across a crowded room. Not that it would be a bad thing, mind you.

I saw that chocolate drink crap he sells. Made from all natural chicken powder, if I'm not mistaken. Whatever the hell "chicken powder" is, beyond vomit inducing.

[jmowreader]

39. I thought you were kidding!

https://decider.com/2017/07/31/last-week-tonight-with-john-oliver-alex-jones/

I found out what the "chicken powder" is. I'm not sure if you REALLY want to know but you're going to anyway: They put chicken bones in a pot of water and boil the fuck out of them until they dissolve, then put the resultant mess through a dehydrator to get chicken powder. Apparently there is a huge fad of people drinking boiled-to-extinction chicken bones.

[SergeStorms]

48. I would....

NEVER joke about something as disgusting as "chicken powder".

I saw that episode of Oliver's show on HBO (they had a 'free' weekend on DirectTV) It was hilarious!

[Xolodno]

9. Well, you know...

..I didn't attend because I couldn't find my Musket...oh wait, I don't own a gun.

[lastlib]

41. I wrote "Resist Fascism" on an envelope I mailed--is that violent enough?

Had to work Saturday, so that was all I could do. Almost too tired even to lick that darn envelope, but knew I had to do my part.

[Grassy Knoll]

10. Shit, My Dog Ate My iPhone...

[Codeine]

11. The dog ate my Molotovs. nt

[MFM008]

38. My dog ate

My other dog.

[ProfessorGAC]

43. My Dog Ate My Stealth Bomber!

That really threw sand in the gears!
Otherwise, I was all in. Honest!

[Squinch]

12. I double booked and had to do my Costco run instead.

[brewens]

13. I was busy working a gun show. Not my thing really. My girlfriend is kind of a libertarian type.

She runs our sideline business, selling custom shirts and stuff. She works a few gun shows, which we are getting out of really. I go and help if the show is in my area, she lives in another town.

This show is way down! Last year when the "Hillary for Prison" shirts were all the rage, I tried to tell some of them. My girlfriend and some of the other vendors I trust. Be careful what you ask for, we need that boogieman to keep the shows going! If Hillary had won, this show would be packed to the walls! As it is, they had trouble even getting vendors to come.

[rusty quoin]

15. So tRump is bad for that business...GOOD!

[brewens]

17. They think their gunz are safe with tRump in charge. I'd be willing to bet, if he thought he could

get away with it, he'd be as likely as anyone to go after guns. His type would feel much safer if we were like Australia and some of the other countries that are sane about guns. They just can't tell the base that.

[rusty quoin]

19. I know. He sure gives no shit for those of us in danger. Hes a hollow man.

[Lochloosa]

14. Hey, I rented the Porta-Potties. Did my part.

[jberryhill]

16. I had a plumbing project that took longer than I expected

The garbage disposal under the kitchen sink had a small leak that was starting to get larger, so I wanted to fix that before it became a major issue. Can’t have dirty dishes piling up.

[Leith]

18. I Was Gonna, But I Didn't

Because I got high...

Because I got high...

Because I got high...

[C_U_L8R]

20. It's over. We won.

Nazis have 24 hours to leave our country.

[Initech]

21. Oh crap I forgot to set my alarm!

[pbmus]

22. ...

[rusty quoin]

33. +1

[ProudLib72]

23. Somebody royally f'd up!

I stood on the corner waiting for the bus to take me to the civil war, but it never showed. I'm pissed!

[Flaleftist]

24. I slept in. Maybe tomorrow.

[eleny]

25. Slacker

..... .....

[bluecollar2]

26. I was at my "War on Christmas" logistics meeting

Then I had to get my car washed...

Can we try again for next weekend?

[underpants]

27. (Cue Ken Burns) Dearest Clarissa...

Morale is low. We're hungry. Short on ammo, pumpkin spice lattes, and patience. I fear the worst.

Give my love to Rose.

Humbly,
Jedediah Beauregard Lee

[Squinch]

44. I'm dying ovah heah.

[oswaldactedalone]

28. I was too busy setting up

Positions for the War on Christmas to trifle with your little Civil War.

[grantcart]

29. I was waiting for my cat to give me my orders but he slept all day..

[rpannier]

30. We won

George Soros is now king
all conservative white males have been beheaded
Communism is the order of the day
And we did it all without one weapon (because liberals don't own guns)
Personally, I hit 'em with my lattes and birkenstocks
Sent them running

Now you know why il douche is out of the country

[SeattleVet]

34. Larson...

[Alice11111]

40. Darling

[denbot]

36. I lost my decoder ring..

Other wise, I was going to bring the onion dip.

[muriel_volestrangler]

42. See, this is what happens when you change the clocks

All your appointments get screwed up that weekend. This is also why no one ever schedules revolutions for Feb 29th.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

45. It's raining here. Can this wait until Tuesday? nt

[mercuryblues]

46. I have a really nasty cold.

and a pile of laundry to do.

The only time I could join would be between sneezes and laundry change over.

[raven mad]

47. 4 inches of new snow and I can't find my boots.

That excuses me from having to go outside, right? LOL!