Nobody Wants to See your Dick : A Guide to Handling your Newfound Wealth and Influence

[ehrnst]

Last edited Mon Dec 4, 2017, 09:12 AM - Edit history (1)

You may not have noticed during your climb to the top, but your dynamic with others in your field has undergone a significant change (you may feel like the Zack Morris of your industry, but you’re actually Mr. Belding — keep that in mind at all times). Whether you’re an accountant, television host or stand-up comedian, you’re now in a tremendous position of power, and to paraphrase the immortal saying, with great power comes great responsibility not to pull your G.D. dick out whenever you freaking feel like it.

Just keep that simple advice in mind and you’ll be well on your way. Before we go, a brief Q & A to recap what we’ve just discussed:

Q: I’d like to have sex with my co-worker, but she’s not showing me the same level of interest. Should I pull out my dick, sweeten the deal a bit?

A: No, you should definitely not do that. Pulling out one’s penis without any sort of encouragement is not only a deal-breaker, but it has also literally never been a deal-maker. Nobody has ever been glad they saw someone’s penis in hindsight. “I had no interest in him whatsoever, but when he got me alone, locked the door and pulled his penis out, I was like ‘Wow, that looks great — let’s do this’” is a statement that has never been uttered in the history of humanity. Yours will not be the penis that ends that streak.

https://medium.com/chrisrosenthall/nobody-wants-to-see-your-dick-a-guide-to-handling-your-newfound-wealth-and-influence-132708f771b9

[Canoe52]

1. Thats always been my policy, thought it was everyone else policy

but what do I know?

[whathehell]

4. Precisely

if you're a guy, you probably don't know...It's mainly women who've "had the pleasure".

[spooky3]

2. Funny! But Samantha Bee should get credit

For a similar (shorter) Public Service Announcement several weeks ago on Full Frontal.

[whathehell]

3. Exactly!...She wrote the "Definitive Guide", you might say

Someone needs to post it again..It was hillarious and precisely on point.

[steventh]

7. Samantha Bee Penis PSA

[whathehell]

8. Thank You!!

A stroke (no pun intended!) of comedic genius.

[steventh]

9. You're welcome

Thanks for pointing out the existence of this wonderful rant so I could find it and post it. Yup Samantha Bee is a comedic genius. Also a quite good dramatic actress. I was surprised recently when I came across an old Law & Order in which she played a dramatic role.

[whathehell]

11. Yes, the CW that it's easier for comedians to do drama than the reverse..

is fairly well known.

I didn't know she did drama and would love to see her in something...If you recall the name of the old Law & Order episode she was in, maybe you can tell me and I'll look for it .

Thanks again.

[Shrike47]

12. It was Blackmail, 2010 episode.

[zentrum]

5. Well done!

[LiberalArkie]

6. As a guy I would like to say also that I have considered it kind of gross

when a well endowed woman leans over in front of me so that I can see all the way down to her thong. Don't get me started with the younger girls in high school and college.Going commando with shorts that cover less than my briefs and cutoff t shirts that are cut a little below the nipple.

I know it's not the same, both genders need to learn a few manners.

[PatSeg]

10. Though it is not the same,

there does seem to be an excessive show of more body than than necessary these days and it often is not attractive or appealing. Just because you can do something, does not mean you should.

[LanternWaste]

13. It's important we discuss safety measure about mountain climbin

It's important we discuss safety measure about mountain climbing when at a swimming pool... granted, they're not the same, but all sports activities need to learn safety.

[Skittles]

22. yup

[RandomAccess]

14. Careful -- there was an angry rant by some women

a few weeks ago who insisted that no one should tell her that she should think penises are ugly. Or whatever. SMH

[Orrex]

15. Her OP was actually more sophisticated than that IMO

In it, she specifically identified consent as the issue, rather than the debatable aesthetic of the penis unto itself.


Seemed reasonable to me, but YMMV.

[RandomAccess]

17. Yes, I think you're right and I also think

No, actually, I know -- because the part I mentioned was so objectionable, ridiculous and appalling to me that I didn't even remember the rest. She'd have done better to downplay all that, IMO.

ETA: And really, if the point is about consent, then one's personal aesthetic preferences aren't even a consideration.

[Orrex]

19. Yes, her delivery was a bit weird

I read her OP and was prepared to unload a ton of snark, but then I re-read it and was like "Oh."

Consent, consent, consent.

And the greatest of these is consent.

[ProudLib72]

18. What if

I tape a $100 bill to it? That should be a clearly visible reminder to whomever sees it that I'm rich and powerful and have a wonderful penis.

[TomSlick]

21. Nope. Still wrong.

And it might hurt when you pull off the tape.

[Tipperary]

20. Kick/rec.