It's official - We've parted ways over politics

[KentuckyWoman]

I've tried every which way to understand the hate that has consumed what used to be my brother.

I've always considered him the smartest one of us.... with several different kinds of intelligence. He was gifted at birth with book smarts, mechanical ability, a great sense of humor, and a heart in the right place. The man he grew into made me honored to be his sister.

He had a heart bypass around the same time Barack Obama was running for president. For a long time I blamed the change on the bypass. I've seen people become angry and agitated for a long time after bypass... sometimes years. But this was different. It became toxic. He acquired Obama derangement syndrome to the point it was difficult to have even a family business conversation with him that didn't veer off into a rant again Barack Obama.

About 2 years ago there came an even uglier edge to his comments. A racism I am ashamed exists in my own family. He supported Trump full bore and still makes no excuses for it. He told me "today Trump should dissolve the Congress."

It was the last straw. I started crying. I told him all of the above in quiet tones. I told him I don't know if it was the bypass or that Trump has made him feel bold enough to speak out racism I never knew he had, but he's barely recognizable as my brother anymore. I told him I don't understand the anger and hatred. I told him he only has one life and it's about over. He's over 70 yrs old. He's had 3 heart attacks. His last one could be any time. He deserves more happiness in his old age. I could not stop crying.

He wasn't reachable. He yelled, he called me horrid names. He left.

This was a week ago. I have barely stopped crying since. My husband is beside himself.... wants to fix it. He can't. It is what it is.

I want to hate the architects of hate radio, and the politics of this age. They stole my brother from me. My only brother.

I want to hate them. But I can't. I just want my brother back. While he breathes on this earth, I have hope.

This post is in honor of all of us who have lost someone out of our lives because insanity has taken over the day. Nearly all of us have lost someone dear. If you have, I hope you will remember them here. Let them not be lost forever. Let us try to find hope.

[dewsgirl]

1. I am so sorry you couldn't get through to him, I swear many

Of them are completely brainwashed.

[olegramps]

105. Reagan took us down the path internal destruction.

I see absolutely no way out of the abominable quagmire that opening up the airways to a constant stream of right-wing propaganda has created. Perhaps when I am dead and gone, which every conservative nincompoop will rejoice, the young people will takeout time from texting to realize that their future is in the ashcan. Face it, we are in the final stages of becoming a plutocracy. I must hand it to the Republicans they conducted a brilliant campaign. They convinced the working class that unions were their enemy, right-to-starve laws were their godsend while convincing them that progressives, who they labeled as godless, in-American degenerates, were the real enemy of the republic and that they, the Real Americans, were divinely appointed to lead the nation back to the road of righteousness. Hallelujah!

[sadiegirl]

120. I somewhat know the feeling. I hope for you and your brother. I hate RW talk radio too.

FOX, Clear Channel and the new one now are a real danger to us. They have used the last 30 years to totally dismantle American democracy. They are unpatriotic and don't give a damn. They have broken up many families and other relationships similar to yours. It is sad and I have been crying off and on for since that tax bill passes the Senate.

I want HOPE back.

[dixiegrrrrl]

2. Losing family to any form of insanity is so painful.

My family was not immune to it either.
I take comfort in knowing I made the right decision for me.
Continues to remain a very sad situation, even after 30 years.

[msongs]

3. wish him well. and move on. pray for him if that's your thing. and move on.

you did what you could, so feel sad, really sad if needed then move on. just IMO. no point letting him be the anchor on YOUR boat nt

[darbus]

53. i agree 100% with this.

You have done what you can. Grieve over the loss of him and move forward with your life.

[blue cat]

4. I'm sorry, and I understand.

I told my sister that I thought less of her since she insists on being a birther.

[Rene]

95. same with me and my sister

she kept sending me hateful email topic etc... I've told her to stop..that we don't have the same values that we'd had anymore. She and her husband hang out at a shooting club and a veterans organization clubhouse/bar......between those two crowds and fox news viewing for the last 9 years or so...she's not the same person she'd been all her life. brainwashed I think. I very seldom see or communicate with her now as she's always preaching her crap, warped thinking.

[CousinIT]

5. Sounds like my brother, who used to be a Democrat until a woman won the nomination

Then, he went hard right same as yours. I have little to say to him other than over required family business. NO conversation at all. I want NOTHING to do with him unless absolutely necessary. I was going to move nearer to him and my sister (both Republican) when I retired. But those plans have changed, unbeknownst to them. I'm staying right where I'm at thankyouverymuch. I can't afford to live where they do anyway.

[shraby]

6. Mr. Shraby had 6 bypasses. After the surgery, he began taking a mood

elevator medicine. Depression is part and parcel of that kind of surgery I guess. I'm grateful the Doctor knew his stuff.
Mr. Shraby is easier to live with then he has ever been.
I also don't know how the Doctor did it, but he didn't have enough pain after the surgery to require even a baby aspirin for pain. He had none, zero, zilch.
They also had to take a large artery out of his leg to use for the bypasses and that didn't hurt him after either.

Maybe your brother needed some meds for mood too and if you can talk to him again, see if you can convince him it would be a good idea to ask his doctor about it.

[zanana1]

96. I've had two bypass surgeries, and...

I can tell you that depression often occurs after surgery of that kind. I know it did for me. Each time, it took me about six months to regain my spirits and calm down. A psychiatrist told me that it's very common and that he's often called to hospitals to treat heart patients.

[KentuckyWoman]

144. I hear you

Bypasses all over the place among my family and friends. Yes depression is common. My opinion is it has something to do with that bypass machine. A few cardio docs didn't disagree but said other deep anesthesia surgeries also have the same issue with patients.


None of that is any sort of a problem with my brother. That issue is WELL controlled with the meds.

[bluestarone]

7. happening to a lot of families!

please hang in there! We all know you are 100% right and sometimes the truth hurts! God bless

[lunasun]

8. I don't have anyone but I do experience thier racism and hate often but there is a movie

your family should check out called The Brainwashing of My Dad to see what happened and how one man got away ,somewhat , from the crazy . They sort of remind me of drug addicts except the high they get is from hate . What a terrible end of life quality for your brother.
Hope you can resolve your feelings and thanks for standing up to him and not tolerating or ignoring his hate. Too many Germans gave the haters a pass and Nazis took over. No one in Germany benefitted in the end from ignoring the problem as it grew

[Alice11111]

88. " They sort of remind me of drug addicts except the high

they get is from hate." Great observation!

[Eko]

9. Pretty much the same thing with my brother.

Wont talk to me at all. I send him emails now and then inquiring how he is doing and I hope well for him.

[pnwmom]

10. I am so very sorry. I'm glad it's not your husband, though, and that he is supporting you in this.nt

[csziggy]

11. So sorry to read this

If you can, talk to a counselor about your feelings. They could help a lot.

Four years ago while my Dad was dying my little sister and her oldest daughter did things that in my opinion were unforgivable. I will never speak to either of them again. I felt guilty about feeling this way and went to a counselor to talk about my Dad's death and my anger at my sister and her oldest daughter.

The counselor validated my feelings - she described my sister as a malignant narcissist - and helped me realize that cutting off all contact was the healthiest thing I could do.

Please consider finding someone to talk to - it could help you a lot.

[rpannier]

12. Trump should dissolve the congress????

I am sorry for you and him
That's a really weird statement for anyone to make
Stay strong

[Mariana]

75. He's not the only one.

Plenty of Trump's base would jump up and down with glee if he were to seize power and make himself absolute dictator. They want him to do exactly that.

[Beartracks]

122. Self-styled super-"patriots" seem to hold the most un-American ideas.

[liberalnarb]

13. Ive been having similar issues.

I could let it go when Obama was President, because at least then the destructive ideology they were adhering to wasn’t in power, destroying the country. Everyday it gets harder to move on after fights about politics. It’s the most frustrating thing in the world when you can’t get through to somebody, especially if the things they are arguing are completely ridiculous. Hang in there, just know that you are not alone. The world is SOO fucked up right now.

[ProudMNDemocrat]

14. My condolences on your loss, Kentucky Woman

You have done what you could. Your brother is the one who has lost out.

Pray for him for what quality of life he has left regardless of his racism and hate. At least your conscience will be clear.

[sandensea]

15. I pray you'll have a reconciliation.

You deserve nothing less - and your brother deserves to have the wool pulled back from his eyes.

All the Best!

[StevieM]

16. To be fair, at least he's upfront about the fact that he would be OK with Trump dissolving Congress.

I think a lot of Republicans would be OK with that.

But what is important to remember is that it is not just about Trump. They would also be all right with a different Republican, like Scott Walker, moving us towards a dictatorship. As far as they are concerned, if you are liberal you are not an American.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

17. added up between my five siblings, we are 3 and 3.

It's been split like this since Reagan and the emergence of talk radio heads. It's almost impossible to defeat or counter their propaganda. I revel in any tales of success. But they are infrequent.

Totally feel your pain.

[gay texan]

18. It is a poison

Hate radio and Fox are nothing but poison. Some of my dearest family members are being consumed by the bullshit.

So much to the point I am about to leave facebook forever.

People are getting so fucking mean these days. Its as if people are handed a list of who to hate; they need to have an enemy in order to function.

Religion it seems only emboldens them by removing all brakes of morality.

Liberals are bad, Trans people are bad, gay people are bad, lesbians are bad, and people of color are just up to no good. Same programmed bullshit day in, day out.

I have to listen to this screed on a daily basis at work. Thanks to trump, I no longer have the workplace protections I once had.

I'm afraid that there is going to come a day when I let loose. Ill probably get fired, but I'm the point that I just don't care.....

[catbyte]

19. A good friend I've known since we were 13. I celebrated my 62nd birthday in June

He went on a crazed anti-Obama, anti-Hillary, pro Orange Shitstain rant on Facebook in late October, 2016. I blocked him from everything & haven't heard from him since. I miss him occasionally because he has a skewed, quirky sense of humor I've appreciated since middle school, but I just couldn't get past his bigotry & misogyny--especially since he knows I'm over 1/2 Ojibwe and a woman. It's a damn shame--at least I didn't lose any family members. That would be unbearable. That thing currently infesting the White House poisons everything he touches.

I'm so very sorry, KentuckyWoman.

[nolabear]

20. I think this may well be physical.

He’s getting to be of an age where people decline often, and the surgery may well have begun an escalation of that decline. Sometimes cognitive decline (not dementia but the aging of the brain) can create concretization and overfocusing on things that are, ironically, an attempt at holding on to something. I’ve seen it in therapy practice. People become angry and grasp onto things, or lose inhibition, or get compulsive about things that might just have been a little piece of a rounded mental process.

Honestly, you might take it as an actual symptom and while you can mourn the loss of the brother he was, try not to take the man he is personally.

I’m sorry. This is very hard stuff.

[SharonAnn]

34. I've seen this with some friends who developed Alzheimer's. Early on the signs were subtle

and it wasn't until it was diagnosed that the pattern became more obvious. Black & White thinking. Believing things that weren't true and arguing about them being true. Anger, anger, and anger. etc.

[Locrian]

91. I think you're right on target

This sounds like something more than normal trump worship.
Likely it's some sort of primal trigger (fear?) in his brain that's getting scrambled and coming out as hate.

[lucca18]

21. I am so sorry. Stay strong.

Take a deep breath.
Take one day at a time.

[Glorfindel]

22. I haven't lost any family members yet to the right-wing madness, but several friends

I just don't have anything to say to them, and so, sadly have completely lost touch. I hope they come to their senses, but I doubt that they will anytime soon.

[Mariana]

23. KentuckyWoman, I'm so sorry this has happened.

Intelligence does not make people immune to propaganda. Your brother probably spent a great deal of his recovery time from his bypass watching Fox News and listening to RW radio and he got drawn in. Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything you can do or say. Your brother is so far gone that he wants Trump to rule as a dictator? I don't know if he can come back from that, if he can become an American again, but I hope for your sake that he does.

[Bradshaw3]

24. I'm sorry for her pain but I have a generic question about family

What rule is it that says we have to have a relationship with family members when it is a toxic situation. I know most people are probably horrified to have that question even asked because most are taught from an early age that family is everything, that blood is thicker than water. But is it? Check out what happens when a rich relative dies and there is no will or a question about inheritance. Watch how family members tear each other apart over money. Her brother is willing to push her away because of his politics. I understand she is a caring person and grieves for the loss of her brother. But maybe in the end it is what is best, considering there is little to no chance he will change. In the Brainwashing of My Dad they were able to take away control of the television and his newsfeeds from him. Don't think this is possible here.

[hatrack]

73. Never quite understood that myself . . .

You can't choose your family, but some mythical tie of blood supersedes other relationships because . . . why?

Because some of you share the same DNA? Well, yeah, but how much of a difference between your/their genes, and some stranger walking down the street? Not much, really.

[Bradshaw3]

82. True

I'm sure it goes back to before we had the highly mobile, technological society we have today. Before you had to count on family because outsiders couldn't be trusted. Now many people - especially those susceptible to faux news - are often isolated older people who welcome tv and radio talking heads into their home as friends. They don't see that they are just being used.

This and threads like it make me sad but I don't know what we can do to change this situation. It illuminates how many have changed in the past 10 to 15 years and that makes me fear what is going to happen if dump is impeached.

[Merlot]

76. A poster above mentioned going "no contact" with her sister and niece

It happens, more than people think. I don't think people are so much horrified as puzzeled. People who don't understand "no contact" are lucky if they've never had someone that toxic in their life.

[luvtheGWN]

100. Yes, it does. And it's even worse when you've had

a close, loving relationship. My American nephew is a Trump lover. I try to remember him as a sweet, loving little boy and teenager who was especially close to his mom, my sister. His Dad was a staunch Republican and my sister (a Canadian liberal) and he avoided discussing politics, but their son took on the GOP mantle with a vengeance after my sister passed away several years ago. He was the only one of his family who did not go to college, and instead entered the construction business, and became fairly successful, but I know he always felt inferior to his two sisters who had great academic success and established excellent careers.

Having said that, I often think that the only way some people can "exist" is to put down others who they consider inferior to themselves. Conservative talk radio feeds on this, and that's the big difference between regressive politics (i.e. I want things to stay the same because I don't want to lose my position in society) and progressive politics, where the goal is to improve lives for everyone regardless of education, colour, sexual identity etc.

For those of you who have lost dear ones to Trumpism and the society of hate, I can only suggest that you try really hard to remember them as they were "before", just as those of us who have lost a dearly loved spouse, parent or child can only cling to our good memories of the one(s) who are no longer physically with us.

[Lucinda]

25. ...

[SunSeeker]

26. I feel the same way about me dad.

[jrthin]

27. It feels like a cult. I am so sorry. nt

[Cary]

28. Sorry KentuckyWoman.

That's a sad story.

[trueblue2007]

29. I think my brother in law is your brother. I'm sorry that our relatives are the way they are

my brother in law hates President Obama. He came unglued when my hubby had dinner out with my sister and "Harold" ......

i mentioned something about the horrible people who were in the news that had problems in past years with the teenage girls. Harrold
went nuts and almost sounded like it was the young girls fault and said to my husband Carl that we would not be having
these problems if the women were not in the work place.

we women entice the men and cause all the problems. I told him in no uncertain terms he was wrong, we were not living in
medieval times. it is the way it is and his way will never come around again. I told him to shut up and he did.

miracles upon miracles. he knew he was wrong and he had better shut his yap.

sickens me that the perverts are okay but we victims are at fault. i was sexually harrassed in my early 20's and got fired because i would not put out to the boss.

again, I'm sorry for our pain.

[nini]

30. Good for you and I know it's tough

I have cut off about 2/3 of my family. And you know what? I don't miss the constant underhanded comments and all the things you mentioned. I got tired of me being the one to keep the fights down in front of my mom etc.. I'm done..over it .. finished.

This is the first year we are not having a family Christmas party and I am relieved. I'm tired of them. They are toxic and I would never choose them as friends so why tolerate them with this stuff.

You can love them still .. as I do. But you don't need to tolerate that until they decide you're important enough to not treat like crap.

It's that simple. Hang in there.

[TNNurse]

31. They have been brainwashed.

It takes more work and skill than most of us have to change them.

I am so sorry.

[IADEMO2004]

33. Tip of the hat to Molly Ivins

[TNNurse]

40. Lordy, I miss her.

[LuckyLib]

84. Wouldnt she be having a field day with Drumpf

and the continuous flood raining down from the Repugnant congress? Based on how she used to skewer the Tex legislature, imagine her writings on sexual harassment!

[IADEMO2004]

32. Fox and hate radio caused a terrible change in my Dad his last ten years.

[Botany]

35. "I want to hate the architects of hate radio, and the politics of this age."

Fox News/hate radio scratches the itch of the right wing tumor that
is fed and paid for by billionaires and the GOP. Simple answers to
complex questions and a feed back loop that re-in forces a person's
fears and prejudices. And at its core those hate talkers have one simple
massage, it is the liberal's fault. And now Russia has plugged into that
network in order to bring down America from the inside.

Just an idea make him a meal that he really likes and drop it off to him
and leave.

[Maggiemayhem]

107. The hate machine exists because it makes them money

[Xolodno]

36. It wasn't politics...its psychological.

"Repeat a lie often enough, it eventually becomes truth"

Also the "backfire effect" of arguments, the more you point out facts, sources, etc. you only convince them they are in the right.

I've been forced to write off family and old friends, and I'm better for it. The person you knew is long since gone.

I treated family, well, like family. But eventually realized, I was the only party treating the other like family...and they were not reciprocating. They interpreted it as weakness and tried to exploit it. I haven't seen some in a very long time and I suspect I won't in the future any time soon...if at all. Yeah, it sucks, but, they aren't the people I used to know anymore.

You did everything you could and he wasn't even willing to budge an inch to salvage your relationship. He gave you the ultimatum and was well prepared to write you off if you refused. He put his "values" above family. There was nothing you could do, other than becoming a carbon copy of him.

[Olafjoy]

37. Me too

Lost dear, dear friends over the dotard. I can’t associate with people who support him. They also revealed a streak of ugly racism I had not seen before.
I have met some really great new people through the Women’s march and my Resistance group.
I’m very sorry about your brother, KentuckyWoman. I will pray for you.

[calimary]

111. Welcome to DU, Olafjoy.

I'm afraid I'm about to lose a good friend since grammar school. Gone over to the Dark Side, voted for trump because she just couldn't see herself voting for Hillary ("I just don't trust her..." - something I am completely and thoroughly unable to understand), and she really liked Mike Pence. She's kinda turned on trump but she still loves Mike Pence, and she still hates Hillary, even though she tries to deny it. I KNOW she hates Hillary. I've seen her texts. I've seen the names she calls HRC, which I'm sure must come from Pox Noise or Alex Jones or Breitbart or some hate radio lout. I've heard her snide "'course, she LIED the WHOLE TIME..." comments to others in the room when she didn't realize I was within earshot, the morning after the Gowdy-Howdy-Doody Benghazi hearing. And when I confront her on these things, she denies it. "'Hilldebeast'? I never heard that before!" "Um... do you want me to show you the text YOU sent ME, using that pejorative?"

Then after Hurricane Harvey devastated Houston, she texted me about her friend losing a coastal vacation home, breathlessly adding - "but this has NOTHING to do with climate change!" Seriously. I just couldn't let that go. I texted her back - "Hon, this has EVERYTHING to do with climate change." And I went on to explain to her that, since I joined Indivisible and got more active in other groups last year, I've joined a number of climate-crisis groups and I now hang out with oceanographers and climatologists and lecturers from USC and people who work at JPL (which is as nerdy as you can get), and told her there's no way on earth that she'll ever convince me this stuff "has nothing to do with climate change", so she might as well just save her breath. And THEN, she texts me back with "oh, I know!"

Sometimes these folks we love and try to keep loving - are just freakin' CRAZYMAKERS!!!!!!

I'm REALLY trying to save this friendship. She claims she doesn't want politics to come between us. Neither do I. We've been through schools, broken hearts, betrayals, sicknesses, financial reversals, births, deaths, and other disasters. But I've gotta admit - as this nightmare continues, I find my opinion of people I know who somehow STILL support trump is dropping. Little by little, I find I'm now feeling much more disappointment, with a growing sense of being disgusted. I'm not happy about that. But I'm not happy about seeing these souls deliberately marching themselves right down the drain, either - when the truth is right there, staring them in the face every single day.

[Doodley]

38. It sounds like you are disowning your sick brother

What exactly is that going to achieve? Does it make you feel better. I am surrounded by Trumpees. It isn’t easy, but non-communication isn’t the answer. Suck it up and show what is right.

[Cary]

44. You mean it's not your answer

Other people may see it differently.

[Doodley]

78. Fine. Other people can see it anyway they wish.

[Cary]

94. That's awfully generous of you

Just a suggestion here, but most of the time people look for a listener. The opening post expressed a fair amount of pain, if you were listening. Telling her to just suck it up is pretty cold.

[Doodley]

112. Cold is pissing off one's sick brother by talking down to him and acting self-righteous.

Yes, you suck it up and be there for your family.

[Cary]

119. You think KentuckyWoman is "self-righteous."

You are so awesome that you can diagnose that on an anonymous internet board.

I hear you now. Have a nice life, you have no place in mine.

[Doodley]

132. Like I really care. Do you normally insult people who don't agree with you too?

[Cary]

135. I insulted you?

No, I didn't. I disapprove of your behavior, such that there is behavior in this context. I find what you said about KentuckyWoman to be rather nasty and out of line.

Judge not lest ye be judged and all of that.

[Doodley]

137. Sorry, I don't agree with every poster. If you think that is being nasty, so be it. By the way, I

haven't spoken to my own brother for over eight years. I broke communication with my brother-in-law for four years, but made up for the benefit of my wife and her parents. I am not judging others for doing the same kind of thing, but I do know there are two sides to every argument. I know enough to understand that when you hurl a litany of insults at a family member, as the OP outlined, you can expect them to walk out.

[Cary]

138. You said she had to suck it up for her family

I know of many instances where that would be a huge mistake. Healthy people leave unhealthy environments, especially when there is substance abuse involved. I would never, ever judge someone in an arbitrary way like that.

I admire KentuckyWoman, inasmuch as I know of her story, for standing up for herself. That takes courage and strength. Her choice is her choice, not ours.

[Doodley]

141. There is a difference between sucking it up and acting like an asshole. I fall into the latter

category. I have been told to suck it up for years, having no contact with my brother. Thank you for your advice, I say, and then I continue to go my own sweet way, but I did the right thing with my brother-in-law. Suck it up here means put up with it, reconnect with your brother.

You can't have it both ways - the story I see is the brother walked out (after being insulted) and the relationship is all over (okay there are other factors) without accepting that no attempt is made to reach out to the brother and reconnect.

It is one thing for me to say I don't want to ever see my brother again, but I am not going to blame him for ending the relationship. It was my doing and my choice because I cannot stand to be around him.

[Cary]

142. That is your right

I am a probate lawyer. I see it all.

Your answer is within you. No one can give you your answer, and no one has any right to judge you.

[KentuckyWoman]

143. Cary, it's OK - let it go.

If this person sleeps better at night assuming I'm a meanie then let them. Not everyone has the capacity to get it - and to be fair, one paragraph on a political board is hardly enough to know someone by. Nothing is ever as cut and dry as we'd like it to be.... let alone someone else's life.

There are snap judgments aplenty on DU. It's part of the fun. I'm OK with it.

[Cary]

145. We do not know how this person sleeps

What I do see from this person is denial. Denial is a particularly toxic aspect of family dysfunction.

Yes you get all kinds of stuff here at DU. It's like shopping at TJ Maxx or Nordstroms Rack; you have to sort through a lot of crap to find the gems. I will not go so far as to call my supportive post a gem, but I have a lot of experience with dysfunctional families and I will not accept denial. We are all dysfunctional, but most of us in the balance are healthy. Being healthy is a process. Your ability to weigh the facts and let them take you to your conclusion is healthy, as is your ability to protect and nurture your inner child regardless of your family of origin scripts.

I recommend the lateJohn Bradshaw. I think you can find his Bradshaw on the Family series on YouTube.

[marble falls]

51. Not what I got, sounds like she's accepted that he's disowned her and then he walked out in a rage.

[Doodley]

83. People tend to walk out when you talk to them like this:

'It was the last straw. I started crying. I told him all of the above in quiet tones. I told him I don't know if it was the bypass or that Trump has made him feel bold enough to speak out racism I never knew he had, but he's barely recognizable as my brother anymore. I told him I don't understand the anger and hatred. I told him he only has one life and it's about over."

[marble falls]

85. Which came after this:

" He acquired Obama derangement syndrome to the point it was difficult to have even a family business conversation with him that didn't veer off into a rant again Barack Obama."

"About 2 years ago there came an even uglier edge to his comments. A racism I am ashamed exists in my own family. He supported Trump full bore and still makes no excuses for it. He told me "today Trump should dissolve the Congress.""



Then came: " I started crying. I told him all of the above in quiet tones. I told him I don't know if it was the bypass or that Trump has made him feel bold enough to speak out racism I never knew he had, but he's barely recognizable as my brother anymore. I told him I don't understand the anger and hatred. I told him he only has one life and it's about over."

At which point: "He wasn't reachable. He yelled, he called me horrid names. He left. "

"This was a week ago. I have barely stopped crying since. My husband is beside himself.... wants to fix it."

"I want to hate the architects of hate radio, and the politics of this age. They stole my brother from me. My only brother.

I want to hate them. But I can't. I just want my brother back. While he breathes on this earth, I have hope."

[Doodley]

113. I can see what is going on here.

[Ferrets are Cool]

52. Bullshit

[hatrack]

74. Not your call to make . . .

And in case you didn't actually read the post, he pretty much disowned her.

[Doodley]

77. "It was the last straw.....I told him he only has one life and it's about over."

[hatrack]

92. Well thanks, Councillor - I'll take that under advisement . . .

.

[MFM008]

89. How do you communicate

With a wall.
This man obviously has mental issues, perhaps a form of dementia, in fact every Republican alive has mental issues to me.
I have no use for them.
My sister has changed since she hooked up with a libertarian maggot loving type who wants to store food, hate the government and hoard guns.
She's choosing not to come around any more.
Not even my mom's failing health will get her over . There's no talking to them.

[Doodley]

114. What do you want? For half the country to never talk to the other half? How does that

make the situation better?

[MFM008]

115. SHE left Us

You dont get it. Sometime there IS NO making the situation better.

[Doodley]

116. You said "There's no talking to them." When did you last try?

[haele]

140. I think what they're trying to say is that when the other party won't listen...

There's no talking to them.

There are at least two mental/emotional issues at play here.
The first issue has to do with the way people who tend to be conservative think and feel the world around them. That's little "c" conservative - the type of people who are hierarchical or black and white thinkers, not those who politically Conservative - there's quite a few self-proclaimed Liberals and Progressives who are at heart conservative that way.
These people, no matter how funny or smart or loving they seem are wired to Manichean thinking (yes/no, right/wrong, now/always) and it's difficult for them to accept concepts and actions that might not fit in a worldview they're comfortable with. So conservatives crave a small world where the divisions between what they can accept and what might threaten them is very small and controllable.

The other issue is a feedback loop issue between control and reward. Everyone desires control over their own lives - from the time they first become aware that there's a world around them to the time they finally sink into the great comfortable dark at the end of life. The more adrenaline one is experiencing, the more pleasure taking "control" or being on top gives one.
So a conservative (Right or Left leaning) who feels off-balanced because they're feeling the world is too large, or they're not being respected enough, or because they are being lied to constantly by those who want to profit off that agitation can become addicted to that feeling of power one gets being part of a movement that is aggressively active - no matter what the end goal of that movement is.
It's almost a Lizard Brain reaction. If one is angry or frustrated, the identification, categorization, and total destruction of one's "enemies" - whether or not they're actually enemies or just someone who disagrees with one's point of view - is an incredible high. Whether it's a little argument, a social movement, or a physical battle, the winning becomes everything. And people become addicted to that feeling - it's the real reward for winning - they're on top of the world, the king/queen of all they survey...

So no, if someone is caught in the feedback loop between control and reward, there's no discussion with them. They want to win, and you're the enemy if you disagree with them.

Yes, I've tried talking to Randriods, conservatives, Evangelicals (religious, philosophical, or otherwise), and Alcoholics and any one time or another over the past almost 60 years.

When they're under the spell of their emotional ruler, they don't want to listen - they don't care about the world outside their particular concerns, they are certain they're right, and they have the overwhelming desire to beat you into submission if you disagree.
It's better not to waste time and energy engaging with them, but rather figure out ways to mitigate the damage they do, and be there if and when they come to their senses.
I know, I've occasionally felt a similar urge myself when angry or frustrated. But as a liberal, I accept to my bones that the universe is huge and diverse, and totally outside my control. The only thing I can really control is my own reaction to what the universe sends my way, and what I choose to do with my skills and talents.

But most people either can't or don't want to accept that. They want a nice, predictable, small world they can have a modicum of control and certainty over, even if it's as a slave to some ambitious group with delusions of Godhood.

Haele

[sinkingfeeling]

39. I'm so sorry for you. I Haven't lost anyone due to politics, but I

did lose my only sibling, my sister, to suicide 8 months ago. It's a hard loss either way.

[marble falls]

50. I am so sorry for your loss.

[lunasun]

59. Peace to you

[Texin]

41. Please consider that your brother may have undiagnosed dementia.

My parents - both progressive- became more deranged and more racist the older they got. They each had cognitive degeneration in their 80s and became delusional. They both watched Fox at that time and never before, but both grew up in Texas, and the most unsettling thing they experienced was the demographic changes they were being confronted with on a daily basis. This was primarily fear-based at some point. The feeling that their "power" is diminishing -- as a vital player in the world - was shrinking and disappearing. Fox became a place where they heard the dog whistles and became infected. Thir fear was being stoked and their beliefs being perverted.

[Catherine Vincent]

134. Good point. Thanks. n/t

[czarjak]

42. All too common...

[uponit7771]

43. Sorry about that

[NRaleighLiberal]

45. I've not lost my brother, but our relationship has suffered.

He was ripe picking for the right wing - very smart, but low self confidence and prone to fear - married a right wing holy roller and jumped right in. At best a "both sides do it" type, but also his money - his things - are very important, and he swallows all of the
taxes - bad" stuff.

We've given up trying to change each other's minds - he is entrenched and brainwashed by his church, primarily (I don't think he watches much news).

So sorry to read of your story - be thankful, though, that you have awareness - that you understand clearly what is going on.

[Initech]

46. I swear this is turning into a cult.

And it's reached extremely dangerous proportions. And it's ruining the lives of everyone it touches.

[Mariana]

80. It's long since become a cult.

Another thread earlier had a conversation where the Trumpista said he was "appointed by God himself" to be president. This one wants him to be an absolute dictator. This shit really is dangerous.

[FloridaBlues]

47. Hey Kentucky woman I know how you feel while reading your post

It sounded like what happened to my older brother and his political views, fortunately I didn't let it over come me as much as I wanted to at times.
We just buried my brother two days ago due to a short illness.
It's hard to fight differences but I'm glad I did because blood was thicker than Trump or republicans in my life.
Knowing we had our major differences but the last thing I wanted was to carry that dislike for the rest of my life toward him.
Hope you can settle this within yourself.
Wish you much luck

[procon]

48. I'm in the same boat. My brother has also changed so much I scarcely know him.

This Thanksgiving was the worst yet and I went home crying. I had lost my brother. It's like he's joined some bizarre cult that is pushed out of Fox News and hate radio 24/7. He believes everything they tell him. He's brainwashed by the constant barrage of emailed conspiracy theories and nutty propaganda videos. Now he is a bitter, hateful and suspicious old man. He thinks I'm "one of them". It hurts me to the core when I see that flash of animosity in his eyes whenever I question his POV. I have almost no contact with him anymore, but I'm trying desperately to hang on to the last threads of my family.

I wish you peace.

[marble falls]

49. Its all we can do to be in the same room with my in-laws, she's 86 and he's 94....

We bite our tongues and refute in the gentlest of tones, and mom even has to get dad to stop his rant usually.

I wish I had some advise but I don't. I hope my prayer helps. I pray you can get some peace out of a very painful situation not of your making.

[Hamlette]

54. it is so painful

I remember a cartoon that said if you could reason with a Trump voter he would not have been elected so no amount of talking will help. Gawd knows I've tried. It's like religion "where reason ends, faith begins" and you can't change that.

A woman who blogs on Balloon-Juice told of her grandmother going off the right wing ledge. They found out se was watching Fox all day long. They went to her house and put a block on the Fox News channel. When she asked about it, they told it was no longer available and she should try another news station.

She accepted it and is now just fine.

[SergeStorms]

55. Sorry to hear that, KentuckyWoman.

I think we've all lost someone - a family member, a friend - to this toxic political climate we've been exposed to. It didn't just happen when Trump came on the scene, it's been evolving for decades. Trump is just the figurehead of this malicious, injurious, dangerous ship of state.
I don't know how it's all going to end. What I do know, speaking from personal experience, is to NEVER talk about politics with family or friends unless you're positive they're of a similar political bent as yourself. My brother is much the same as your brother, my mother - 90 years old, and to a lesser degree than my brother - are died in the wool Republicans. They don't know why, or they're not telling (I think it's racism and xenophobia), but they're not going to change.
Don't try to change your brother. He is who he is, and you're not going to change him. Maybe your husband could smooth things over enough so you can at least be civil to each other, with the stipulation that you never discuss politics again. That's the only way this could ever work.
The final decision is up to you and your brother. Is family thicker than politics? It is in my family, but only because I told them we would never discuss politics with each other again. If the subject comes up, walk out. I don't mean away, I mean out! Leave the premises, and their "company".
I wish you the best, and don't take anything your brother says personally. He's obviously under stresses or circumstances you never before experienced with him. That's his problem, and not a reflection on you or the rest of your family. You be you, a wonderful, kind, loving person who knows the correct road to take.

[mobeau69]

56. You're not alone.

I'm sure there are a lot people with similar stories to yours and mine. Dotard is not only destroying our country but American families as well. His evil has no bounds.

[irisblue]

57. I am so so sorry for your loss.

[Lifelong Protester]

58. I am so sorry for your loss.

Seriously, it is like a death. And I am truly sorry.

[greymattermom]

60. Keep in mind that there may be a medical explanation

brain damage after heart surgery is called "pump head" by some.
https://www.verywell.com/cognitive-impairment-after-heart-bypass-surgery-4122168

[Upthevibe]

65. I'm so sorry to hear this KentuckyWoman...............

What a horrible loss for you... I'm very fortunate that my siblings (two of whom aren't with us anymore) and I are completely aligned. My remaining Sister and I talk at least every other day and both have always been very progressive. I realize how fortunate I am. Many of my childhood friends are Republicans but I live in California and they in Texas so there's not that much interaction. When there is, we don't talk politics. I've unsubscribed from them on Facebook so I don't have to read any of their pontificating. As others on this post have said, it sounds like there very well may be something physical happening with your brother. Once again, I'm sorry and prayers your way....

[LittleGirl]

61. I lost my sister and one of my brothers during Obama's terms

and this does not upset me anymore. It used to but they are far right bigoted wingers that I have nothing in common with anyway.
My brother has been a conservative for years and has listened to Rush Limdick and fox for decades. He's a lost cause.
My sister is a racist bitch and I haven't spoken to her in 5 yrs. I don't miss her. Somehow her kids and grandkids turned out okay.

My younger brother used the N word over the holiday last week and I wouldn't have it. I told him to shut up and stop it. He was showing off in front of his friends (who were not amused) and he finally stopped. I was disgusted. I left his home.

My liberal 85 yr old Mother is completely beside herself in grief that her daughters don't speak, her oldest son and daughter don't speak and two of my brothers don't speak to each other. She has made all of her funeral arrangements and refuses to arrange an actual funeral. I guess she thinks that none of us will speak to each other and start a fight in front of her friends that show up. (that may happen, who knows so we will have no service). Thankfully, we live all over the country so we don't run into each other anymore.

All of my siblings are in our late 50s and early 60s. This is just the way it is in my family. No regrets.

I'm sorry it's so hard for you right now. I was very close to my youngest brother that is one foot in the grave too with his heart. It will break my heart when he dies but he's so close to death, I expect it any time. I'm surprised he's still alive considering his drinking for that past 40 yrs. My condolences to you. Hugs.

[renate]

124. so many of the posts here are so, so sad, but your family's situation really got to me

Your poor mother. I wish I could give her a hug. It would shatter my heart to have children who were mean and cruel and racist. Thank goodness she has you.

[LittleGirl]

125. Thank you

I think I'm her favorite now. I try as hard as it is sometimes to rise above it and be kind.
She's so unhappy that her family is broken. When one of my brothers cut her off for over 3 yrs during Obama's second term, I hated my brother. I wanted to yell and scream at him. I just unfriended him and forgot he was alive. My youngest brother will never speak to him again. I found some compassion and forgave him but we don't chat much. We're facebook friends and that's about it. We never have holidays together anymore.

[bucolic_frolic]

62. insanity has taken over the day

yes i have had days like that, a few of them. not about politics. i assure you i see conflict as inevitable when specific different personality types intermingle. the narcissist bent in our culture, perhaps born of the media age, or Hollywood, or righteous religion - it is intolerant. Rigid minds do not flex anymore. They prepare to clash. They like displays of drama. They would rather be right than compromise, and prefer 'I win - you lose' to win-win. It's competition over cooperation, the triumph of the mighty over the weak, the rich over the poor. Survival of the fittest, social Darwinism, cutthroat competition, capitalism over socialism. See it how you choose, there's a vein for everyone to mine.

You must be strong for yourself. It is not your fault. It was inevitable. I feel sibling conflict is rooted in the personality roles we each occupied in the family. Often those roles are repeated later in life, or most often with others in society that occupied similar roles. We attract the same type of people we had in our nuclear family.

Peace. Be kind to yourself.

[Bozvotros]

63. This will all end very badly.

My heart breaks for you as it breaks for this country that is being pulled apart day by day. Your brother is just one of many people who are being transformed into unrecognizably cold blooded haters who are just waiting to melt into a mob. They have been steeping themselves for years in the flood of lies, innuendo and race baiting on hate radio and Fox and are beyond the reach of reason.

Heavily armed white supremacists and garden variety racists are more than ready to start taking people out if Trump would call for it. And he might. They also hate liberals and progressives almost as much as they hate minorities and immigrants. They want to and believe it is necessary to purge people like you and me from their lives and this country. Our loathing and mockery of their demented leader is felt as a unforgivable insult to them and the more we rail about him the more they hate us.

Months ago that evil Trump troll, Roger Stone predicted (nay, called for) a violent reaction to any attempt at impeachment or removal and there is no doubt that is where we are going. Every day there are paramilitary groups training in rural areas for that day when chaos and lawlessness are unleashed. They believe it is going to come from violent gangs of immigrants and the minority underclass but the real source will be them. Our DOJ has chosen to ignore this threat when it is clearly the most pressing mortal danger to our democracy.

I fear and I believe that before this is over, there will be terrible violence from the right and a great loss of life including many police officers, National Guard and US military troops called in to quell the violence. I believe the haters will fail but there is no guarantee of that.

I wish I didn't feel this way but if you listen close you can hear the threats growing bolder and louder all the time. We all need to be careful and alert and probably more of us need to be armed.

[NRaleighLiberal]

66. whereas you, banned hundreds of times here, are NOT a drama queen?

no, you are simply a repeat loser.

[sakabatou]

69. Banned that many times?

Really?

[NRaleighLiberal]

70. probably thousands. Repeat troll extraordinaire!

[sakabatou]

67. Callous much?

I'm nowhere near you and I feel the cold.

[uppityperson]

68. Ironic.

[kellytore]

71. I have lost quite a few family members and friends

and to be honest, I have moved on and not looked back. I have no tolerance for ignorance and hate.

[Hekate]

72. I am so very very sorry for your loss, KentuckyWoman.Your intuition about the surgery might be right

I know my mother had a personality change from what may have been unnecessary bypass surgery when she was about 80. (She passed away at 82.) Other people saw it -- it was directly after the surgery. She and I had been at odds for years (not politics) and that worsened, which was bad enough. She became completely unreasonable to others. She also became paranoid and alienated some dear friends of hers that I had to console at her memorial service.

During the period after Mom's surgery my sister and I stumbled on an article in a medical journal, and I had a talk with an old friend of mine who worked in the sales side of the medical industry. Mom probably shouldn't have had the surgery, but since Medicare pays hospitals and doctors for the whole thing without question, why, it has become very common for very old people.

As for my friend, a quite bright professional who reads medical journals himself, there's this bit of info: while your blood does get filtered while you are under the knife, it is being filtered by a machine, which leaves something called microthrombi circulating in the blood. That's right: microscopic thromboses, which can cause microscopic but real damage to the brain. Not always, certainly, but enough that it is a known potential side effect of the surgery.

You are having a worse time of it because your brother is so much younger and you were so much closer. I don't know what to tell you, except to trust your intuitions and your observations about the wreck of this once rational and loving personality. Your grief is real and justified. I could suggest counseling, if you want to try that. Prayer, if you are a praying person. I clung to this Buddhist meditation as my family fell apart over Mom, and it helped, as you start with yourself and move outward to named persons, and then to all beings.

May I be peaceful
May I be happy
May I be safe
May I awaken to the light of my true nature
May I be free from suffering

May all beings be peaceful
May all beings be happy
May all beings be safe
May all beings awaken to the light of their true nature
May all beings be free from suffering

Someone may be along to post the long version, but this is the short version engraved on my bracelet, quick and available.

May you find peace.

[Solly Mack]

79. I am sorry it came to this but there does come a time, unfortunately, when toxic people

are best left to their own devices.

You aren't anyone's doormat or punching bag. You don't have to endure potshots and other hurtful behavior.

Be well. Take care of yourself - and know you can only do so much to bridge any gap. After that, you have to protect yourself.

I know it hurts. I really do.

[FM123]

81. I am so sorry that you have to go through this terrible loss

[NurseJackie]

86. So sorry ... That's so sad.

[kyburbonkid]

87. Sorry, but your brother has gotten the brainwash

It's an illness acquired by smart people that try to analyze rightwing media debate without having prepared themselves with a good crap detector horn. My brother also has the same disease and its hard to speak with him anymore either. It's a real psychological cause and effect that makes them this way and they need to be weaned away from it. Remove them from exposure to all rightwing media (of all types). It takes weeks of work to de-program someone once they fall into rightwing spin cycle of their propaganda machine but that does work.

Given that our nation has (and is) being attacked with all sorts of rightwing media penetration methods, at least 1/4 of our population is in a similar state as your brother. Best of luck in the de-program effort.

[democratisphere]

90. drumpf loving redumbliCONs are a lost cause.

Why waste your time on such horrid people. My rotten brother is a drumpf lover and I loathe his existence and never want to have anything to do with him again. You can't rehabilitate evil or stupidity!

[HAB911]

93. It is little comfort but

you are not alone.

[samnsara]

97. im so sorry.. this is quite literally happening in my family as well...

...fuck trump....

[Bettie]

98. I'm so sorry

I don't speak to either of my brothers anymore for similar reasons.

[doodsaq]

99. It's about time Western governments...

...take a hard look at the disastrous effects of highly funded, large scale extremist propaganda efforts (i.e. by right wing donors and media) on democratic institutions. It's a cancer that will eat any great country from within.

[jimlup]

101. I feel your pain

For me it was a great uncle so much farther removed. Still I understand that it must be very hard. Stay strong sister!

[Nitram]

102. Kentucky, I feel for you. Thank you for sharing.

I went through something similar as both of my parents slowly drifted from progressive conservatives to extremely right wing. I blame Fox News above all. They were never overtly racist, but expressed issues in racist terms without even knowing they were being racist. My Mom died two years ago and my Dad a year ago, but I still feel the pain of seeing two good people become paranoid conspiracy believers with whom I could no longer discuss most topics without stirring up unfathomable anger.

[Maraya1969]

103. Your story is the same as mine. I don't recognize my brother either

Except that he is Presbyterian minister so he never curses and always acts like he is in such control

But he has sent gay people to reparative therapy even after that big organization apologized to all gay people and said it doesn't work, (I can't remember the name of the organization.

He also supports whoever is refusing to serve gay people.

He has commented on the people in the Middle East as not being as advanced as a people than us

I so wish I had a normal brother. It is just me and him. I understand you pain.

[True Blue American]

104. I am sorry

We had to take Politics off the board for family get together.

Most turn a closed ear to what they do not want to hear.

I first spoke out when someone was praising the Iraq war. I could not let that go,told them I was against the war.

I seem to be the lone Democrat in a sea of right wingers in Southern Ohio.

You did not do wrong. I blame the hate mongering Press that began the hate filled rants,and lies against President Obama and Hillary.

They fed these hate filled politicians and gave us Trump and put Republicans in charge.

Now,Congress is showing how mean they really are.

[malthaussen]

106. Please accept my condolences n/t

[Mike Nelson]

108. I know how you feel...

...a sibling of mine had the TV on FOX news all the time and became a Republican - mainstream Republicans I thought... it was bearable until my nephew moved in with a "Mexican" woman (meaning someone of Spanish/South American heritage). Then, unleashed bigotry and revelation she and husband are big Trump supporters. I don't call or visit anymore because they are so mad all the time... they thought of "colored" blood in the family has them angry. They are destroying themselves in hatred.

[NastyRiffraff]

109. I'm very sorry, KW

I have no words of hope for you, only wishes that your brother can come back to the former self you loved.

There are times when you need to let go, and only you can know when or if that time comes. In the meantime, please try not to let this consume you. You are not responsible for your brother and I hope you can find happiness, with or without him.

[Paladin]

110. You're undoubtedly a better person than I am.

I've lost friends and family members based on their unquestioning allegiance to trump---and I've factored those individuals out of my life. I believe a civil war is an increasingly likely possibility in this country. Better to look to the future than dwell on the past.

[Faygo Kid]

117. I unfriended a friend of 45+ years today

On Facebook. She loves animals, the environment, and Social Security and Medicare, etc. But she hates Obama, and thinks Trump can do no wrong. Can't stand those posts anymore.

[DownriverDem]

118. Can relate with sad ending

Last edited Tue Dec 5, 2017, 04:03 PM - Edit history (1)

My one brother moved right with reagan. He was a hard core trump supporter too. When Clinton was going through his Monica stuff, we had to decide to not do politics at all. My other brother and I would just shake our heads. We were civil, but it wasn't the same. In fact I saw him less and less over the last few years.

Sadly, in the beginning of 2016 he found out he had lung cancer which was a big surprise since he quit smoking in his 20s. He went through all the treatment and then in Sept. 2016 he found out it had gone to his brain. We lost him a year ago which ended up being related to Agent Orange exposure. We were in contact after he got sick. But to be honest with you our relationship was screwed for years prior to him getting sick. I don't feel guilty, but I do wish politics hadn't ruined it all.

[TheBlackAdder]

121. "Trump should dissolve the Congress" Wow! That's some next level Emperor Palpatine kind of shit.

[niyad]

123. as trite as it sounds, as long as there is breath, there is hope. my heart aches for you,

and for the man your brother used to be.

every day, I am grateful that, having no family, I don't have to deal with this crushing sadness.

[get the red out]

126. I am so sorry :(

This is a horror story happening across red states everywhere from what I see, I also am a "Kentucky Woman" (Lexington), people in the south have had their minds stolen by the RW conspiracy mongering media. In a way it is genus, force feed people the most vile ideas then tell them they are the only true Americans for listening, and that any other media is lying to them and going to take their "freedom" and "way of life", which is also code for BROWN PEOPLE being the cause of any problem they have in life. Such a vicious cycle, and I can't see how it can be broken once it has taken control.

[colsohlibgal]

127. So Sorry For You

Cannot imagine the hurt. My only sibling is my Sister, 3 years younger. Thank goodness we both are quite liberal.

[Ligyron]

128. Probably all that Fox TV while convalescing started it.

So sad, but these people are toxic.

[FailureToCommunicate]

129. So sorry to hear your impasse. I am fine with hating FOX and right wing radio on your behalf.

Hope you can fine some peace. Family relationships don't always stay the same. After my younger brother died of (pancreatic) cancer, my youngest brother has become increasingly estranged from the rest of us. Not really sure why. Mortality fears and money issues I guess. At least not politics...yet.

[Catherine Vincent]

130. I am so sorry

What a sad situation.

[jimmil]

131. I know that a zillion people have responded to this but...

It has happened to me and my brother too. Everything except the by-pass is the same. I don't know what happened in his life to cause this but it has. I miss my brother terribly but there seems to be nothing I can do. He has thrown off friends he has had from college. He has been a total stranger to me. It is like he has died in my life while he still lives. I am so sorry for your brother and you being estranged. I know it hurts so much. I hope some day you will have peace in your heart.

[Niagara]

133. I've had blood relatives go on anti-Obama tirades for the last 9 years and

in 2016 had non-blood relatives go on anti-Hillary tirades at birthday and Thanksgiving gatherings. They just don't understand why I can't "make it" to this event or that event. I'm done with the deplorable statements and toxicity. How much poison does a person have to deal with before cutting ties? It shouldn't be like this. We should be able to celebrate birthdays, holidays and talk family business without this poison.

I'm sorry this is happening with you and your brother. Please take the time and do something nice for yourself. This much stress can hurt your health. Talking to a counselor wouldn't hurt either.

[SWBTATTReg]

136. I'm sorry to hear this...remember...

No one deserves to be treated this way. Period. Family or not. I'm in the same boat w/ some family members. You've risen above the anger and rage, and have hope...hope endures forever. Best wishes.

[ananda]

139. Look up "walk in"

He might have a different spirit.

A former boss of mine also changed after surgery.

I also thought she was taken over by a walk-in.