"What a load of bullshit" - workplace team building

[packman]

"All over the world, organisations encourage kooky activities unrelated to employees’ work. I have attended workplace retreats where I learned beat-boxing and African drumming. I have heard about organisations that encourage employees to walk across hot coals, take military assault courses, and guide a raft down dangerous rapids. There are organisations that force their employees to stage a lingerie show, take part in a ‘bush-tucker trial’ by eating insects, and dress up in giant animal costumes to act out fairy tales."

I've attended my share of morale building, team building, introspective actualization and other goobly gook meetings. One stands out where we were all seated at a table and pushed a piece of paper across to another who was then told to accept the pushers aggression and come to some epipthany as to why the paper was pushed to them. Then they unfolded it, wrote a word on it, refolded it and pushed it to another. At the end , the paper was burned in a bowl as we all sung "We're so happy, now, at our work" to the tune of Kumbaya My Lord.

I'm so ashamed--- I didn't have the balls to walk out, but a family to support and house payments and all that

https://aeon.co/ideas/how-to-fight-work-bullshit-and-keep-your-job-and-your-dignity

[Angry Dragon]

1. I only had to go to safety meetings

[Deb]

2. I actually asked my supervisor if I could go back to the office

Because I had work to do. Lol

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. My former employer (I'm retired) never did anything quite that stupid and pointless.

There was an annual managers' conference that featured a motivational speaker after a fashion, but most of it actually had something to do with the company's business. I don't know how I'd have reacted to the level of corporate bullshit the article describes, but I think I and my co-workers would have dissolved in hysterical laughter.

[GP6971]

4. A large company I worked for

pulled that crap for their larger divisions and their employees hated it. We escaped because our division was only about 50 people in one location so our president was able to convince them that it wasn't necessary seeing we were over performing our budget. But had we has to do it I honestly don't know what I would have done.

[amerikat]

5. Oh don't even get me started.

We got called losers for not showing up at the company picnic, where they had arranged for us to break into teams and build trebuchets. I just wanted to eat, drink and relax with coworkers.
Those of us down in the trenches everyday have a camaraderie that management will never understand.

[TlalocW]

6. In the early 00s

I worked for First Data as a programmer, and they decided to do the FISH Program, which if you don't know was developed by the Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle. I'm told that in the late 90s, you would see higher-ups in 3 piece suits from Microsoft and IBM talking to the fishmonger on the floor as he and his workers chanted while he slung fish to them through the air. They decided to write down their corporate philosophy which consisted of 4 incredibly obvious things that you should encourage your employees to do - so obvious, that other companies of course couldn't come up with them and would pay thousands of dollars for the video/dvd package to learn them.

1. Be there for your clients and co-workers
2. Have fun at work (as long as it doesn't interfere with work of course)
3. Choose your attitude
4. Some other insipid piece of advice

My friend and co-worker in the cubicle next to mine embodied the FISH Program before anyone had heard of it. We were fun-loving guys, and some managers hated to deal with us together because we played so well off each other, we could confuse the hell out of them - having entire conversaions only in song lyrics, movie quotes, etc.

Anyway, the main manager of the floor, who was an incredible, incredible dickhead (liked to bully people both physically and emotionally) was running around the cube farm shooting people with a one-shot Nerf gun. My friend, Brian, and I called him down our aisle.

Brian: So what's with the Nerf gun?
Manager: I just got back from our territory's main office. We're going to be watching some videos on how to have fun at work. I've already seen them.
Me: That's kind of sad that you have to have a video to learn how to have fun.
Manager: (starts to say something but is interrupted)
Brian: Actually, I think it's brave of him to admit that about himself although I don't think just one video can cure you.
Manager: (starts to say something but is interrupted)
(Brian and I have been sitting in our cube doorways looking at the manager, but now we've turned to face each other to continue our discussion while ignoring the manager, who is unsuccessfully trying to squeeze a word in edgewise)
Me: That's as may be, but not being able to have fun at such a stage in one's life without instruction is symptomatic of much more serious problems. Who knows what else is wrong with him?
Brian: Look, I'm not disagreeing with you there. There's probably a lot wrong with him, but what I'm saying is that he has to start somewhere.
Manager: (Screaming) FINE! WHATEVER! (Stomps down the aisle back to his office)

We went out for lunch later that day, and we stopped by Toys R Us where I bought the biggest Nerf Gun they had. Three separate chambers that held 10 balls each and took 4 D batteries to run. Whenever I heard someone yell that manager's name from being shot by him, I would pop over my cube and fire a few rounds at him. I could get him anywhere in the cube farm.

And he couldn't do anything about it because damn it, we were going to learn how to have fun at work.

The program rolled out, and Brian and I took advantage of it to our hearts' desire, often in ways management didn't want us to, but they couldn't really say anything because they wanted to look 'cool.'

TlalocW

[tammywammy]

7. The best team building is

Be open to questions and concerns.

Provide all the tools and supplies your employees need.

Give recognition in public.

Give critical advice in private.

Don't micromanage. You hired good people to do a job, let them.

If you have an employee that isn't working out, provide guidance and if necessary manage them out. Don't leave a toxic employee in place, they'll bring everyone else down.

Follow my 6 simple rules and you'll build a great team without bullshit "team building" exercises.

[amerikat]

8. Great advice. I may send this to my manager

because it might make him a better manager.

[Oneironaut]

9. "Creativity Workshops" are stuffy management drones' idea of what creativity is.

I wouldn't work at a place that considered my time so useless that they would send me to useless "creativity" workshops. You don't need to teach someone how to be creative. That's utter nonsense.

"Team Building" is also complete bullshit. This isn't Elementary School, and we don't need to need to be taught how to work with other people on a team. Even more useless are team building "fun" activities, because there's nothing more fun than spending even more forced time with your co-workers, and being told that you're "having fun." The sheer banality of corporate team building would make me want to die.

This is more about stuffy office managers with no creativity or common sense thinking that they can "buy creativity" for their organizations.

[NCTraveler]

10. I do team building at my business.

It’s called profit sharing. I don’t have an amazing long-term team because I blow money on bullshit. I put it in their bank accounts.

[Thor_MN]

11. Cons run by grifters to replace actual management skills...

I don't know what I did to deserve most of the managers that I have had, but they have been generally terrible. A few good ones, but mostly disinterested know nothings that sucked up to get promoted. Rather than getting rid of the bad managers, the brass brings in a "motivational" speaker or sends people on a team building exercise, which is probably fully tax deductible.

[Orrex]

12. Years ago I stumbled upon an early morning ritual at Target

I stopped by the local store on the way to work, at maybe 8:02 in the morning.

The employees were standing in a circle at the front of the store, with a... group leader(?) chanting some kind of corporate sermon that the employees dutifully and mindlessly parroted back, all while swaying slightly to and fro.

Super creepy, and probably mandatory because some asshole in an office read about it and decided that it was just was Target needed.

[ProfessorGAC]

13. I Saw That Once At Lowe's

I've been in there early for the morning meeting near the customer service counter, but i had never seen the cheerleading bit before.

I was embarrassed for the people that had to be there.