Meet and Greet Events for Male Democratic Office-Holders Have New Rules
This is official, by the way, and these new rules will be distributed to all office-holders and candidates by the DNC.
Behavior Rules for Male Democrats Holding Office or Running for Office
1. Avoid all physical contact with potential voters.
2. Keep hands in pockets at all time.
3. Do not, under any circumstances, shake hands, hug, touch, or risk contact at any time with potential voters.
4. Consider using a roped-off area around yourself to eliminate any possibility of physical contact.
5. Do not mingle with crowds of supposed supporters, due to the risk of brushing contacts.
6. If approached in public by anyone, even well-wishers, back away quickly to avoid contact.
7. Avoid smiling, laughing, head-nodding and other body language that might encourage friendly interactions.
8. Practice scowling and frowning expressions to keep people at a distance.
9. If you do not smoke, consider taking up the habit. Smelling like an ashtray keeps accusers away.
10. To simplify public appearances and ensure non-contact, speak into a video camera in another room and place screens in public areas when giving speeches and making remarks during campaign visits.
11. Invest in a Popemobile-style vehicle from which to make public appearances, to minimize contact with the public.
12. As a last resort, do not campaign in person at all.
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