The Idea That Parents Didn't Care about Their 14-Year Old Daughters

[MineralMan]

back in the 1970s is ridiculous. I don't care where in the United States you live. They did. They still do.

I was a teenager in the decade before that, but things didn't change much in the next decade, either when it came to parents of teenagers. It still hasn't, really.

I remember dating in high school. During those four years, I went out with a number of schoolmates, ranging in age from 14 to 17. One thing was universally true. The first time you took a girl out on a date, you had to go through the "meet my parents" interview. It was obligatory, and I remember doing it many times. First, you asked the girl to go with you to something. Maybe a movie, a dance, or some other event. "I'd love to," she said (at least sometimes), "but you'll have to meet my parents." Those fearsome words. Generally, it was enough to have that meeting just before the date, when you stopped by to pick her up. Occasionally, though, you had to come by for a visit before the date night to go through the ordeal. For a nervous teenaged boy, this was always somewhat intimidating. Typically, it went something like this:

First, the girl met you at the door and invited you in.

Next, the introductions were made to her parents. Acceptable responses were, "Hello, Mr. (Mrs.) Johnson. I'm glad to meet you." "Hi" was not good enough. They expected full politeness mode.

Then came the interview portion of the "meet my parents" session.

Question: "Do I know your parents?" Answer: "My father is {full name}. He works at {business name}. My mother is {full name}. She {something she does}." Bonus Points are awarded if they know one or both of your parents.

Question: "What do you plan to do after high school?" Answers: More points if you know what college you plan to attend and what your major will be. Fewer points if you plan to start working immediately. No points if you say, "I dunno."

Question: "Is that your car out there?" Answers: "Maximum points if it is not and you have borrowed the family car." Fewer points if it is your car and it is either beat up or a hot rod. Negative points if it is a pickup with a camper on the back. Do not go to a "meet my parents interview in such a vehicle. Dads do not want their daughter to ride in a rolling bedroom. Trust me on this. It's better to walk to the event than to do that."

Question: "What time will you bring Emily home?" Answer: This is a trick question. Answer carefully. "Well, the {dance, movie, whatever} gets out at 11, but we can leave earlier if Emily has a curfew." You needn't mention any other plans you and Emily have for the evening. It's best not to. If you're smart, you have already ascertained when her curfew is and use that time in your answer.

Veiled Dad Question: "I hope you don't have any ideas about my daughter. Do you?" Answer: Say, "We're just starting to get to know each other, sir." Of course you have "ideas," but that answer is usually sufficient and doesn't acknowledge the actual question Dad is asking. Negative points and failure if you say, "Well, we're only at second base, so no worries..."

Mom Statement: "Well, I hope you two have a good time this evening. Don't be home too late." Answer: "Thank you Mrs. Johnson. I'm sure we will, and I'll bring Emily straight home."

Dad Statement: "I expect you to drive carefully, young man." Answer: "I will, Mr. Johnson. My father is very strict about driving."

Everyone stands up at this point and you escort Emily to the door and say, "It was very nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. We'll be home right on time."

Then, off you go. Dad is still skeptical. Mom assumes the best. But you're out the door and on your way. You have passed the "meet my parents" interview.

All of this, of course, is due to the parent's concern about their daughter. They don't like you very much. They're afraid you will behave like a teenaged boy and girl and do things of which they don't approve. In fact, they know you two are going to do that to some degree or another, but, well...you're dating, after all...

If you are, however, 32 years old, you are guaranteed not to pass this interview. No parent is going to let their high school age daughter go anywhere with you. Not a freaking chance. I don't care where you live or in what decade. That isn't how it freaking works. That isn't happening.

[Phoenix61]

1. Exactly! Which is why those men

resort to lurking at the mall.

[MineralMan]

3. Yes, exactly.

They aren't interested in "meeting my parents." In fact, they'll get Emily to sneak out to meet them.

[NewJeffCT]

2. While I agree with you in most normal situations

from what I understand, sexual predators looking for too young girls sometimes will single out a single/divorced mom because they may seem more vulnerable - and, if they're in a tough situation financially, they think the mom may be more inclined to give her blessing to an older man with a good job. And, if the man is a state's attorney like Moore at the time, they may feel they can't say no because he may be able to fix a situation with an ex-husband's missing alimony payments or where the ex is abusive. Or, they fear he'll look the other way if they don't give their blessing.

Not saying it's right, just what I read up on in regards to Moore not long after the allegations came to light.

[MineralMan]

4. True, which is the whole point of the "meet my parents" thing.

Parents do care about their daughters. Nobody wants their teen daughter hooking up with some adult. It's bad enough that they go out on dates with schoolmates. That's difficult enough for them. Which is the reason for my story.

[sarah FAILIN]

5. Sounds like Mayberry.

I didn't live in Mayberry though. I'm sorry, but not everyone lived this way. Honestly, I am embarrassed enough. I don't enjoy the judgement.
My aunt married at 14. They built a little cement block house next to my grandmother and had 3 kids. She was quite a catch back then because she was going to inherit some land from our families "Uncle" who had taken my grandfather in during the depression as a teen farm hand. All the children in that family had been put with either families that needed workers or nannies for the girls.
My father found a 14 yr old of his own when I was 10 or 12. I raised holy hell and pretended like I was taking pics of them if he touched her, but that was useless. My parents were divorced and we had no contact with our mother at all, so he brought her around us all the time and even took her on our family vacation. My grandmother raised holy hell to start with till she got scared he as a nearly 40 yr old might marry the 14 yr old to spite her.
The only people that didn't care was her parents and they saw him as a factory worker with a little land and his own block house sitting on it as an unbelievable catch to a family of egg pickers and chicken catchers.
So sorry to tell you, but it was not that unheard of and will not sway the election much at all. It is an embarrassment to me bu not unheard of in poor families.
we need to move past this and get on issues which Moore has not a lot to say on.

[MineralMan]

6. Actually, your experience sounds more like Mayberry.

I grew up in a small town, but not in a rural hamlet. I was born, like everyone I knew, to WWII veterans and others who went through the depression and were coming out of it. Where I lived, that was the pattern, and I've heard the same from others of my generation.

Nobody married at 14 where I lived. A couple of kids got married to each other at 16 or 17, when the girl got pregnant, but that was about it. There were no inter-generational marriages during my time in that town. None.

I suppose that did happen in some places, but it wasn't general. And by the time there were malls and things like that, this country was already pretty standardized on that.

[Arkansas Granny]

7. I grew up in the same generation as you. It was not common or desirable for 30 year old men

to date teen aged girls. Fact is, I don't remember that ever happening in my circle of friends nor do I remember ever hearing my parents talk about such a relationship. This really sounds more like something that might have happened in the 19th century or before. But, if old Roy thinks America was great back in the days of slavery, who knows what else he believes.

[MineralMan]

8. I don't remember any instance of that, either. The same kids who started high

school with me graduated from high school with me. It was a small town, and I knew everyone at my high school. There were no kids dating older adults. That would have been considered very icky.

We did have a couple of couples from high school get married before graduation. We all knew the reason for that. That was a great source of fear for a lot of us. We all knew how that happened, and tried very hard to avoid such a thing.

[ProudLib72]

9. This sounds like the process my BIL goes through

with any boy who wants to go out with my 14 year old niece. I'm pretty sure times have not changed much.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

10. But it did happen, and still happens. It can be woven into the fabric of a community, and the law

can be unclear, making it difficult for people to act. Grand Marais, Minn., is not an isolated incident, I would guess.

https://www.mprnews.org/story/2012/02/27/grand-marais-older-men-pursuing-teen-girls

Parents can care about their children and still not be able to protect them. It's easy to believe that just because a person hasn't seen or experienced something, it didn't happen. Surely someone would have heard about it. Surely we all knew everyone. Some communities -- neighborhoods, small towns, school districts, social groups -- may be like that. Many aren't.

[beveeheart]

11. I lived in a small town and your description is pretty much how it went in my house too.

Except a boy would never have had a chance to have that interview at all if his father had run around with my father when they were boys/teens because my father "knew" what that boy was up to. So I made sure that my father didn't know theirs. lol