Monica Lewinsky: ‘The shame sticks to you like tar’

[arikara]

Nearly 20 years ago, Monica Lewinsky found herself at the heart of a political storm. Now she’s turned that dark time into a force for good

One night in London in 2005, a woman said a surprisingly eerie thing to Monica Lewinsky. Lewinsky had moved from New York a few days earlier to take a master’s in social psychology at the London School of Economics. On her first weekend, she went drinking with a woman she thought might become a friend. “But she suddenly said she knew really high-powered people,” Lewinsky says, “and I shouldn’t have come to London because I wasn’t wanted there.”

Lewinsky is telling me this story at a table in a quiet corner of a West Hollywood hotel. We had to pay extra for the table to be curtained off. It was my idea. If we hadn’t done it, passersby would probably have stared. Lewinsky would have noticed the stares and would have clammed up a little. “I’m hyper-aware of how other people may be perceiving me,” she says.

She’s tired and dressed in black. She just flew in from India and hasn’t had breakfast yet. We’ll talk for two hours, after which there’s only time for a quick teacake before she hurries to the airport to give a talk in Phoenix, Arizona, and spend the weekend with her father.

...more...

Lewinsky was once among the 20th century’s most humiliated people, ridiculed across the world. Now she’s a respected and perceptive anti-bullying advocate. She gives talks at Facebook, and at business conferences, on how to make the internet more compassionate. She helps out at anti-bullying organisations like Bystander Revolution, a site that offers video advice on what to do if you’re afraid to go to school, or if you’re a victim of cyberbullying.

...more...

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/apr/16/monica-lewinsky-shame-sticks-like-tar-jon-ronson

FYI Its not about the Clintons, its about cyberbullying.

Ted talk link:

[ViseGrip]

1. And Bill thinks he's above it, while Hillary thinks the nation needs to revist it.

We don't need them going back into the white house, that is for darn sure.

[zalinda]

2. She stepped into it.

She did something wrong, she knew it and didn't care. When I was her age, I had plenty of offers to sleep with married men, and yes, some were even a boss or two, but I never did. Yes, I was tempted, but I was well aware of the GOLDEN RULE and stopped myself.

If she had stayed out of the public eye, she could have stopped a lot, if not most of the cyberbullying. I don't feel sorry for her one bit. Her talks are disingenuous at best, it's not like she is an innocent party. Those speaking on cyberbullying should be the ones actually speaking to those who are innocent. They are bullied because of the way they look, the way they talk or because of a relative, a situation or something they have no control over. She does not fit the bill.

Women like this make me sick and yeah, I speak from experience. Guess how my marriage broke up? One of these 'I'll do what ever the fuck I want women', decided that my husband and marriage was fair game. My son basically lost his father at 2 years old. And, I've lived in poverty since 1978, and there was no escape. So tell me again how valuable a woman like this is.

Z

[Demit]

4. How did the woman force your husband to leave his marriage?

The way you describe it, it sounds like he had no choice in the matter.

[zalinda]

7. Because men can be dumb as rocks.

As my son tells me, sometimes he is ashamed to be of the same gender.

She had 2 children by him, plus the 6 she already had. He liked to mentally bully, she would take it. Instead of him growing up and being a father, she allowed him to continue to drink, take drugs and think his abuse was okay.

Z

[Baobab]

10. Bill Clinton was monumentally stupid

Thats for sure.

the mind reels how stupid.

[arikara]

6. I have empathy with you for your experience

But extreme levels of cyber bullying, on the world stage is not the same thing as an asshole running off with another woman.

Bitterness with the other woman over a period of decades isn't healthy, if she wound up with the jerk she probably got the short end of the stick so maybe you can take comfort in that. And I speak from experience too, I was glad to see the back end of a cheater.

It takes two to tango.

[zalinda]

8. I'm not saying she didn't get the short end

because she did. He was shy around women and would never have made the first move.

I don't hate her, but I have a hate for all the women who think this is an okay thing to do. I am on a dating site and I am amazed at how many men who want to cheat. I've heard all kinds of excuses, but the best one was, "why do you care, you don't know her". I really don't care, I can't do to another woman what was done to me.

My father was a cheater, all his life. When I was 17, my mother finally divorced him. The thing was, they both loved each other until the day they died. I know how cheating can effect lives for the entire family.

It pisses me off that this cheater, gets to make a huge amount money off of something that will make it more okay to cheat on spouses and wreak families because they are selfish people.

Z

[arikara]

9. But you see she isn't making money

Off that she cheated, she's making money off the disproportionately horrible way she was treated because of it. She was probably one of the first to be publicly shamed worldwide over the Internet for her indiscretion. She said even years later she couldn't get a job or even volunteer for a charity.

So I'm not condoning what she did, but she did not deserve the fallout. The other participant in the affair or whatever it was has managed to make out like a bandit with no repercussions. Is it fair that a 22 year old woman's life gets ruined when people who commit heinous crimes can get out of jail and find work, and most who cheat aren't publicly shamed except perhaps in countries like Saudi Arabia.

[zalinda]

12. Which is why I don't think the Clintons deserve the White House. eom

[lsewpershad]

3. What about Bill

I suppose he is too big to shame and blame. This sucks if you're the little guy.

[Mike Nelson]

5. Dear Monica:

How sad for you. My advice is to stay out of the spotlight and move on... it was only sex. Everyone has the urge to do stupid stuff... it's really no big deal. Forget it and have a nice private life.

[vkkv]

11. Bill is a corrupt individual.. it's a flaw. alright? HRC?? Her, too... eom

[vkkv]

13. Big thanks to BILL CLINTON for the LAYERS of tarnish on the Democratic Party!! ~eom