Nation’s Dogs Vow To Keep Their Shit Together During 4th Of July Fireworks

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—Admitting that their behavior in previous years had left them embarrassed and ashamed, the nation’s dogs announced Thursday that they intend on keeping their shit together during this year’s Fourth of July fireworks displays.

“Though we recognize we have not always demonstrated the most poise and self-control on this particular holiday, we want to assure everyone that this will finally be the year we don’t completely lose it and freak out upon hearing the booming of distant fireworks,” said Duchess, a 6-year-old cocker spaniel, adding that the country’s 80 million dogs aim to avoid cowering under the coffee table or uncontrollably urinating on the kitchen floor in a moment of pure panic after neighbors light off firecrackers or bottle rockets.

“We’ve been preparing for the past few months, and we think we’ll finally be able to maintain our composure this time around. We can’t promise that we won’t whimper a little or try to jump up and sit next to you on the couch, but we’re definitely not going to sprint in circles around the living room or howl continuously until the noises stop.”

The nation’s dogs concluded by acknowledging they could not guarantee that they won’t go completely apeshit the next time the doorbell rings.

http://www.theonion.com/article/nations-dogs-vow-keep-their-shit-together-during-4-50578

[Purveyor]

1. I feel so bad for those dogs that are 'gun-shy'. Never had one that was horrified of loud sounds

but my late Suzy and Ting-Ting were no fans of that noise but didn't go into freakout mode.

May all my canine friends get through this comfortably and safely...

[Gidney N Cloyd]

2. My lab's doing OK but he's definitely in 'velcro mode'.

Funny how when he was younger he didn't seem to care at all.

[brer cat]

3. Our dog did fine tonight.

Amazing...in years past she has freaked out and run around barking at all the doors and windows. The cat slept right through it although he is usually under the bed when storms are on the way.

[840high]

5. My cats became invisible.

[milestogo]

4. Noise going off all around the neighborhood

and my dog is leaning on me. I don't like it much either.

[shenmue]

6. My dog was scared

[63splitwindow]

7. Funny stuff. Thanks. nt

[renate]

8. my little dog is vibrating like a tuning fork

My bigger/older one can't hear any but the really loud ones.

I feel so bad for all the outdoors animals.