Anusha Viswanathan: A love letter to Roe and my first pregnancy

[marmar]

A love letter to Roe and my first pregnancy
I have always been pro-choice, but am more fiercely so now

By ANUSHA VISWANATHAN
PUBLISHED JUNE 4, 2022 7:30PM


(Salon) Roe is falling, and so am I.

I am falling into a deep ocean of memories, nearly a decade old.

My first pregnancy is both meticulously planned and easily joyous. I am in my medical training, and my husband is starting a career eight years in the making. In our dual-doctor household, expanding a family is a fine balance of timing, but voila, we are there.

There are little hiccups after 12 weeks — every test comes back slightly out of range, and we pour over journal articles to figure out their significance. It's just a one-off, we decide — surely it couldn't be that every possible thing that could go wrong in one pregnancy would?

....(snip)....

The bad news hits us with gale force, although apprehension prickles when the ultrasound tech falls silent. Things are not looking well for our extraordinarily, profoundly growth-restricted baby. I am not going back to work that day, or the next. I need amniocentesis, genetic testing, counseling — all of it now, because there is a clock in Harrisburg that is ticking. My husband sobs as I sit motionless on the table. We squeeze each other's hands until they are white and numb.

....(snip)....

Bad news pours forth, and my husband and I are adrift in a sea of grey, despite our combined pediatric knowledge. We anguish over this final exam we never wanted for a pregnancy we desperately did.

The obstetrician who counsels me prior to my abortion is unfailingly kind and effortlessly competent — perhaps she has spent her prior appointment talking to a woman who feels only relief after making her decision or a woman who decides not to proceed with abortion. Or maybe someone like me. Anyway, I never feel the weight of her judgment. Your decision is the right one, she says, the wisdom of her experience shining in her eyes. ..........(more)

https://www.salon.com/2022/06/04/a-love-letter-to-roe-and-my-first-pregnancy/