Vote GOP! We'll fix the economy by making the rest of life worse, too!
By Alexandra Petri
Voters! We are thrilled to see that so many of you are leaning R this fall! And we hear it’s because of … the economy? Wild!
To our knowledge, we haven’t been saying anything about the economy or offering any kind of exciting plan to fix it! As far as I can see, we’ve just been calling Joe Biden a socialist, fear-mongering about the existence of trans people and suggesting that people who want us to denounce antisemitism are Like “1984,” But Worse!
That’s why we appreciate your confidence so much! As you clearly have realized, when one thing is going very poorly, you have options! Try to fix it, or just make everything else worse, too! Vote Republican, and we guarantee to do our level best to distract you from the economy by impeaching everyone in government, putting Marjorie Taylor Greene in charge of more things, and, in our spare moments, urging the Supreme Court to eliminate any more rights or protections that might be lying around!
I have always been a big believer in the idea that if you have a stomach ulcer, you should immediately also break your arm. Suddenly, the stomach ulcer is just one of a large set of problems you are dealing with! Time you would have spent dwelling on it is now time you will have to spend figuring out how to open heavy doors and brush your teeth with a cast. Well, that is how we feel about the economy. Is it bad? Absolutely! Do we have solutions? Is more tax cuts for the wealthy a solution? Okay, how about holding the debt ceiling hostage while we make cuts to Medicare? Please do not tell us if it’s not a solution, because it’s all we brought!
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/10/21/vote-republican-economy-worse-satire/
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