As Gen X and Boomers Age, They Confront Living Alone

[Zorro]

More older Americans are living by themselves than ever before. That shift presents issues on housing, health care and personal finance.

Jay Miles has lived his 52 years without marriage or children, which has suited his creative ambitions as a videographer in Connecticut and, he said, his mix of “independence and stubbornness.” But he worries about who will take care of him as he gets older.

Donna Selman, a 55-year old college professor in Illinois, is mostly grateful to be single, she said, because her mother and aunts never had the financial and emotional autonomy that she enjoys.

Mary Felder, 65, raised her children, now grown, in her rowhouse in Philadelphia. Her home has plenty of space for one person, but upkeep is expensive on the century-old house.

Ms. Felder, Mr. Miles and Ms. Selman are members of one of the country’s fastest-growing demographic groups: people 50 and older who live alone.

https://tinyurl.com/2murjbzk

[True Dough]

1. My wife and I are in that boat, by choice

No kids. As we age and things gradually get harder to do and especially when one of us dies, there's not going to be anyone to step in and help, unless we find affordable private services/care. But that was our decision and we'll cross those bridges when we come to them.

EDIT: I know people who have adult children who do lots of wonderful things to help them out (as we did for our parents), but I also know others whose children are almost never present in their lives despite having a rather privileged upbringing.

[OldBaldy1701E]

15. The 'privileged upbringing' is why they are never there. (n/t)

[llashram]

2. yep

living alone at 74. Love the peace and quiet. I do not worry about being alone. Something happens, something happens. Just hope I make it through. I have great neighbours on both sides. Trust in the God I know and keep on pushin' oh I do have two feline fur buddies. Do they count?

[wryter2000]

4. Also 74 and alone

Happy to be so. When I need help, members of my church step up. They are true family.

[PortTack]

8. Great attitude!

[Phoenix61]

3. Replacing the Missing Middle in housing would fix this.

“The Missing Middle is a term coined by urbanist and architect Daniel Parolek to describe multi-unit, low-rise housing comparable in scale to single-family homes. These are typically smaller residences with design elements that encourage walking, biking, and transit use.”
Originally, neighborhoods contained all different types of housing, from smaller homes on smaller lots to large 3-bedroom homes… all side by side. This supported multigenerational neighborhoods. Current zoning, in general, does not allow this. Considering what a huge voting block the over 50 crowd is they should push for change.

[appalachiablue]

14. ++

[Beatlelvr]

5. Wow, this is hitting home with me

71 yr old divoced no kids female, good health, living with elderly mom ( with full time live in care). No kids by design, but have no clue about MY care when I'm older. I do have long term care insurance, but that just goes so far. After mom is gone, going to sell house (so brother and I can receive inheritance) and just rent a small house.
Family is aware I should be compensated for the 11 years, so far, I've been here, so that will help.
Life is a crap shoot, but you try to plan as best you can.

[Walleye]

6. Life sure is a crapshoot. 73 year old woman and living alone myself

As Leonard Cohen says,
“everybody knows the dice is loaded,
everybody rolls with their fingers crossed.”

[IbogaProject]

18. Do a medicaid workup

If you have any potential heirs or groups you wish to bequest to then do a medicaid workup. While health care medicaid is narrow, medicaid covers assistive living and nursing homes. If you don't need to leave anything than don't worry beyond finding a good home for yourself. Continuing Care Community, CCCR is the standard.

[BlueGreenLady]

7. Me too.

65 and living with a dog and a cat. Love my solitude interspersed with occasional family get togethers, but it's getting harder and harder to do the yardwork and house upkeep alone. Have to take it day by day.

[pnwest]

9. 58, and starting to plan for it.

Scared shitless. Divorcing, no kids, only child of immigrants - so zero extended family here, other than one half sister who loves me to death but lives 2000 miles away, and I’m not going to burden my nieces, who barely know me, with my care. I have literally no one. Swore I’d neeeever live in an “old folks community”, but there’s a 55+ apartment complex nearby that’s starting to look pretty damn good to me now. At least I’d be surrounded by GenX, pot smoking “old folks” who won’t complain when I play Pearl Jam or Hootie too loud

[OldBaldy1701E]

16. Yep.

I have to say, and I know how this is going to sound, but kids today are not as... independent?... as they used to be. Hell, I remember when I turned 14, I took drivers ed. so that I could get my permit at 14 1/2 and then my license at 16. I could not WAIT to have the ability to just drive away from anything. Decades later, I worked at a school and those 8th graders... there were about 33 of them there (Pre-K - 8th private school) and NONE of them wanted to get their license. NONE. I am still speechless about it.

(I suppose that you say 'Gen-X' because you were born in the latter part of the year. I am 58 as well, was born in the spring, and I was always told I was a 'boomer'.)

[GenThePerservering]

19. Cars just aren't that important

to a lot of kids these days. I know where I live they're just as happy to ride the bus, walk or whatever and don't want the millstone around their necks and don't see it as a mark of self-worth. They seem pretty independent to me. I remember when I was a kid my contemporaries being stuck with bills for those gas guzzlers, insurance and everything else, and basically having no money.

As for aging - a lot of people think they're a lot older than they really are.

[OldBaldy1701E]

20. Well, as Harrison ford so perfectly stated

In 'Raiders of the Lost Ark', "It ain't the years... it's the mileage." I may be 58 but I feel 108. And this decrepit body is not going to get any better.

[Midnight Writer]

10. All I know is that I am happy living alone, and would not be happy living with another person.

Fortunately, my health has held up (so far) enough that I can take care of myself.

My plan is to carry on as long as I can, and, when it gets to be too much, let go.

Maybe I will change my mind if I am confronted with it, but dying alone at home sounds like the best option for me.

[2naSalit]

11. That's where I'm at...

By default. I really don't have any other options at the moment.

[lambchopp59]

12. My solitude as a traveler, very remote home idea

Lost it's luster with my recent cancer diagnosis. I'm on yet another humanitarian mission helping out on a native reservation. But I'm fukked in reality:
Damned jealous of those who have family connections that keeps them in one location, one job, retirement plans. Must be nice. Before criticizing my choices: understand none of this was really by choice. I've been many places that project valuing experience and compassion. The bottom falls out from under that when someone who's related to important someone gets a misimpression about you, pulls the strings and you're out. It's really ridiculously true beyond denial: It's not what you know but who.
I'm out on a very dangerous ledge. My insurance is cut as soon as I'm done with work. COBRA coverage is ridiculously exorbitant rates just for one month's extension. I'm 1 year 9 months from Medicare coverage and praying this stays in remission.
But that's not the worst part. Surgery recovery all by myself was like a long week of continual torture.
There's a steep price paid for not remaining one place securely. For some of us radical elements, that's not a realistic expectation nor reality. I've ended up the caregiver no one cares for.
I know hundreds of people, ex-coworkers, professional contacts, some ex neighbors all over the west coast. No one keeps touch. No effort productive to develop the likes. I'm contracted, used, paid then gone.
You can do everything right and righteous in your life and still end up royally fukked.

[Skittles]

13. we are here for you lambchopp59

someone is always here on DU

[OldBaldy1701E]

17. "You can do everything right and righteous in your life and still end up royally fukked."

HEAR HEAR!