A Few Thoughts on This Admission: I Am Old
A Few Thoughts on This Admission: I Am Old
by Douglas Penick | September 25, 2023 - 5:57am
Much to my surprise, I find that Im now part of a large minority that is often ignored, frequently disdained, and regularly segregated.
I am old.
And indeed, its quite a shock to find that the world in which I worked, struggled, dreamed, and loved now regards me quite differently than it did only 10 years ago. Growing old, it seems, is a condition that Western post-industrial society and culture do not consider meaningful, useful, or even valid. And yet, the truth is, and this is also a surprise, that as we become old, we enter a time of life, even with its losses and deficits, that is not a defective version of youth or middle age, but is something quite different, with its own qualities, discoveries, and surprises.
Ageism is an attitude people inflict on themselves. Old people are what almost everyone will become. But somehow, this part of existence is treated as something that must be actively ignored, as if old age were an infectious disease transmitted by acknowledging it. Or a misfortune that can be averted by denying it. Youre only as old as you think you are, said my son recently. Only young people think that, I snapped. Contemplating dying and death is, it seems, more appealing than imagining being old.
snip//
We cannot escape the fact that old age is a time of loss. Old, we experience depletion in many parts of our lives. Our bodies and senses weaken, become unreliable in unforeseen ways, fall subject to illness, and require more attention simply to continue a reasonable level of function. More difficult is the loss of friends and family and the changes in the social institutions where we once had a place. Most difficult and certainly most frightening is the threat or actual loss of mental capacity. None of these occurrences are part of how we thought of ourselves or planned our future. As we age, our lives become strangely unrecognizable. We realize that life is no longer in our control. And old age ends only when we enter a terrain that is truly and completely unknown.
Thus, more than any other time in life, old age is the time of deepest and most pervasive uncertainty. The uncertainty regarding our financial sustainability is not the least of these, but somehow comes to epitomize the perilousness of our situation. How we will manage being ourselves, being in our world, is no longer obvious. So we feel the world moving away from us. We can no longer reach out and grasp and cling, control and shape whats happening. Our future is no longer limitless. It is genuinely and utterly unknowable.
But as the world becomes perhaps more distant and out of our control, we begin to see patterns we had never imagined or only dimly sensed. Our world, our selves become less stable and less secure. Everything is more intensely transitory. Situations, objects, places, people become, moment by moment, very deeply to be cherished, valued; loved, not in spite of being impermanent, but because they and we are only together for this moment. Colors become more vivid, momentary smells, sudden sounds, temperatures and textures, memories, ideas, gestures appear, vanish, and only briefly detach themselves from the flow of sensoria. We take less and less for granted.
more...
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/douglas-penick/107804/a-few-thoughts-on-this-admission-i-am-old
To a large degree, "old" is a relative word, it depends on state of physical and mental health, genetics and attitude.
Quakerfriend
(5,450 posts)As we have children later in life & smaller families, the ability of the family to care for their elders has changed.
When I was in my young twenties I looked after my great aunt- getting her things she needed, taking care of her garden while she sat on the bench and gave me directions as to what she wanted done etc.
So much has changed. I dont believe that my children can or will be able to care for me or my husband, nor do I want them to.
And, avoiding the cost of long-term care is more & more difficult. They do a five year look back on all your property and & now in PA the law mandates that your children must cover the cost of your care, if you cannot.
1WorldHope
(686 posts)Quakerfriend
(5,450 posts)Ive known nursing home administrators to look up patients properties to determine their financial worth-
No kidding!
As soon as the rehab says a patient is not safe to return home the family is faced with possibility of long-term care placement.
1WorldHope
(686 posts)Have they looked at the suicide rates of older people since they passed that law? We've all heard, "I don't want to be a burden on my kids". That's just more stealing of generational wealth, of poor people. Make sure we don't have 10¢ to leave our kids.
pandr32
(11,588 posts)Our children are facing so much they won't be able to help care for us parents as we find ourselves needing help as we get old. As it is, both parties in a relationship are likely working in order to meet their own needs. Often, their jobs or our choices have separated us from living geographically close by.
Add to that the horror stories we hear of elder people in retirement homes or facilities. Stephen King has plenty of material to work with there if he chose to use it.
The wonderfully written post reveals something I hadn't thought of--the living more in the moment deliberately to find meaningful moments to make up for all the change, loss, and uncertainty. I doubt many younger people get that. It is as if the senior population is the group more inclined to live in the way we thought young people did before they committed to college and careers. I think we need to capitalize on that as a feature and not a bug. Perhaps younger people would stop treating elder people as stuck, finished, and depleted. Ageism is a problem.
We certainly have some good examples to help. President Biden and Nancy Pelosi are stellar examples of wit, wisdom, experience, and more than enough savvy to work through issues and help others sort them out. I would bet they can be fun and interesting, too.
BobTheSubgenius
(11,564 posts)It's astounding to think of having a friend for over 60 years, but it happens. I was brought face-to-face with my mortality several years ago by a Staph A infection in my heart. (Don't worry - it is far from common.)
But I fear for my friend. Dementia seems to not just run, but careen wildly through the females of her family, and she is even more terrified of it than she admits. She's started to show a few signs, but we cannot bring it up, of course.
Fortunately, I live in the "same" (left outside unit of buildings of 4) townhouse in the building about 400 feet down the driveway from her, so I can do what I can fairly promptly when needed.
I have become friends with a friend of hers that is "family-close" to Jeannie. She's 82 and has been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that has blocked off one nostril on its way to her brain. Her oncologist is planning surgery, of course, but that involves losing her complete nose. I guess it's age-related, as well. and we are all horrified.
My feeling is that cancer statistics are not headed quickly enough in the right direction because so many people now live to develop it, but, in years past, would have died of something that is now curable, or at least very treatable.
Sorry for rambling, but this is a subject that occupies too much of my cranial real estate.
calimary
(81,318 posts)Its the reality, like it or not.
Sooooooo
what do we DO about it - and how do we cope with it since its inevitable? Seems to me thats the biggest question.
BobTheSubgenius
(11,564 posts)I don't mean to be flippant or facetious, but we have MAID - Medical Assistance In Dying as one avenue. I know one person who has chosen that route. That isn't exactly a panacea, though, is it?
In my case, the titanium heart valve requires that the risk of clotting is reduced, because it's not "if" you will throw a clot, but "when." So, I take anti-coagulants every day, which is a double benefit to me, because strokes killed my father and both of his parents. Anything that reduces the risk is welcome here.
But the dementia??? Holy hell, that is a poison pill. When you are firmly in its grip, MAID isn't an option, for obvious reasons, but that's just my reaction. I've not read anything definitive on that. It is an unbelievably cruel and destructive, and all I can hope for is some promising stem cell therapy. My mother had a syndrome very like Alz's, and my younger sister died of a "Parkinsonism" called Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. She was sharp and aware right up to the end, so I'm not sure it's part of a genetic pattern or not.
In Jeannie's case, we are watchful and more than ready to help, but what else can we do? She has a very busy life, which is good, and during downtime, she does jigsaws, which I hope is stimulating her brain. My wife often does them with her. She is increasingly clumsy, and gets a lot more things wrong than in earlier years, and it's awful to watch.
I share a thought that I didn't voice until someone else did, but I think it's a strong possibility that J's friend might refuse surgery and let the very aggressive and fast-moving cancer take her.
I know your final question was of a more general, societal nature, but I'm afraid I have nothing concrete to offer. Thank you for your interest, though.
iluvtennis
(19,863 posts)Pas-de-Calais
(9,904 posts)50+ years
WOW
Sadly a few have already passed
Too young
Auggie
(31,173 posts)and theres a hell of a lot us Boomers out there too.
BOOM EM!
RKP5637
(67,111 posts)usonian
(9,814 posts)It shouldn't be like the dog that chases a car and finds that it can at best bite the tires.
Everything in life is transient. Enjoy each moment, despite the annoyances. I practice Buddhism, so this means a lot to me.
In fact, the source of suffering is clinging in our minds to what inevitably changes. Life is a process. Be the change.
There is a thread about the generation gap, and I stand by my reply. I align with youth, because youth is a time of change and I am open to positive change in my life, along with the inevitable changes. A minor example: I have had ingrown hairs, so for the first time in my life, I'm growing a beard to mitigate this. Apparently, shaving is the trouble maker. I AM STILL LEARNING. And sharing what I learn.
Here's the OP
https://democraticunderground.com/100218298873
The Generation Gap on DU is real
This could be seen as divisive.
https://democraticunderground.com/100218299672
Watch out for attempts to divide progressives on social media (including DU)
But I think that the experiences of the 60's generation are invaluable in firing up young people.
My post:
Some of us grew up with John Kennedy, Martin Luther King and so many young and dynamic leaders.
We fought for civil rights, against a war staged by oligarchs and felt a genuine genocide going on against young people and African Americans. Many lost their lives in the struggle, and we saw the slaughter of John and Robert Kennedy, Dr. King, Emmett Till, Medgar Evers, Addie Mae Collins, Denise McNair, Carole Robertson and Cynthia Wesley, James Earl Chaney, Andrew Goodman and Michael Henry Schwerner, Viola Liuzzo, and many others. (a reply mentioned "the deliberate "let them die" genocide of countless people with AIDS" )
I am on f---ing fire when I see nazi scum trying to undo civil rights, push misogynist crap and a gospel of hate.
I challenge youth to have the resolve and energy, yes energy to stamp out decades of troglodyte scum blinded by race hate.
¥ou're as old as you think.
Some of us had a zoom discussion yesterday. Do our thoughts, prayers, chanting, and compassion reverberate throughout the future, other than our direct mentoring and encouraging of young people?
I take a personal variation of Pascal's wager ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pascal%27s_wager ).
If we have a positive effect on the future, great.
If we don't, we lose nothing through our positive thoughts for ourselves and others, and feel better for doing so.
As people (particularly parents) who have taught and inspired others, we see ourselves reflected in them, and they see themselves reflected in us. As much as things change, there are stories throughout history that are as vital today as they were long ago. Human nature doesn't change much, and we can learn so much, and make every day the best it can possibly be.
keithbvadu2
(36,828 posts)I want to be 14 again, when I knew everything...
I want to be 16 again, when I was immortal.
stage left
(2,962 posts)When I was just a young thing of only 68, I met a group of strangers known as Tell Them Tuesday, one of the groups that formed after the inagauration of the orange menace in order to try sway our senators and congressman against him. I now have a group of friends from among those strangers, one of whom has become a very close friend. We are all liberal Democrats, some more liberal than others. I have never before belonged to a group of women so like minded in my entire life. You never know what you're going to find on the path to something else. And when you're going to find something rare and valuable.
ShazamIam
(2,575 posts)anciano
(995 posts)in the physical sense, it has been a time of enrichment in the spiritual sense. I have become more aware of our oneness with nature and the universe, and find comfort and reassurance in the wisdom of such philosophers as Marcus Aurelius, who wrote in his famous treatise 'Meditations': "Pass then through this little space of time conformably to nature, and end your journey in content, as an olive falls off when it is ripe, blessing nature who produced it, and thanking the tree on which it grew."
samplegirl
(11,480 posts)First time I heard that!