The Borowitz Report: A Bucket List for Trump

[FakeNoose]

Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/a-bucket-list-for-trump

As 2025 comes to a close, my thoughts turn to mortality—specifically, Trump’s.

Given Metamucilini’s alarming mental and physical deterioration, I don’t think it’s premature to compile a bucket list for him. By “bucket list,” however, I don’t mean things he’d like to do. I mean things we’d like to see him do.

Obviously, undergoing a Nuremberg-style trial, getting convicted, and going to prison for the rest of his life would top the list. But what else should he do before he reunites with his BFF Jeffrey Epstein?

I polled TBR readers to determine which items should go on his bucket list. See how many you agree with, and add your own!
- Take a polygraph test
- Cognitive exam, televised live
- Recite the times table
- Spelling bee vs. 4th graders
- Jump rope
- Visit Mars
- Debate Jasmine Crockett
- Play Jeopardy against Barack Obama
- Push-up contest vs. Michelle Obama
- Wrestle J.B. Pritzker
- Bike race against Biden
…and since he’s so fond of renaming buildings, Trump should be forced to make this slight alteration:

- short article, no more at link -

Woo hoo! Andy nailed it today!

[CrispyQ]

1. I'd pay to see the pushup contest between the orange baby & the finest first lady ever.

Oh hell yeah, I would!

[Stardust Mirror]

2. state the names of his grandchildren

without warning or prep

[PatSeg]

3. Ha, ha, ha!

Sadly, he probably can't do it.

[mwmisses4289]

4. 😲

[erronis]

5. I wish he hadn't put Joe Biden anywhere near the oranganus's name.

[FakeNoose]

8. Let's enjoy the humor and let the rest of it go

[chicoescuela]

6. I was thinking- kicking the bucket

[BattleRow]

10. Exactly my first thought,too!

[KS Toronado]

7. Our "Is he dead yet?" crowd could make this list really long.

[Ilsa]

9. Someone, please put the tower pic on Truth Social!

Oranganus needs trolling!

[FakeNoose]

11. Or put it on Xwitter, since not many of us waste time on Chump's garbage forum

[CTyankee]

12. I'd like to see him try to jump rope...

that would be fun

[CTyankee]

13. Play Jeopardy against Obama?

I'd like to see that! I'd pay money to see it!