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The Borowitz Report: Tom Homan Demands ICE Agents Return Their Signing Bonuses to Him in Paper Bag
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/tom-homan-demands-ice-agents-return
MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—As part of the DHS drawdown from Minneapolis, on Thursday Tom Homan ordered all 700 ICE agents leaving the city to return their signing bonuses to him in a paper bag.
In a memo sent to all departing officers, the border czar instructed them to place $50,000 into a paper bag from the restaurant chain Cava and meet him in the DHS parking lot after sundown.
“And make sure no one’s freaking filming us,” he added.
While some ICE agents grumbled about transferring their signing bonuses to Homan, he sternly reminded them, “Taking away people’s freedom isn’t free.”
- short article, no more at link -
In a memo sent to all departing officers, the border czar instructed them to place $50,000 into a paper bag from the restaurant chain Cava and meet him in the DHS parking lot after sundown.
“And make sure no one’s freaking filming us,” he added.
While some ICE agents grumbled about transferring their signing bonuses to Homan, he sternly reminded them, “Taking away people’s freedom isn’t free.”
As always, The Borowitz Report is 100% written by Andy Borowitz, and 0% by AI.
