America's Federal Emergency Response Is Currently Led By A Guy Who Insists God Teleported Him To A Waffle House
"As the prophets once foretold: the head of the Office of Response and Recovery at the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) is suffering from webwide ridicule — and just because he told the world that God Almighty Himself decreed that he must be at a Waffle House and teleported him there straightaway. Who would have trouble believing that? After all, there is a long, proud tradition of partaking of certain liquids and/or substances and realizing that you've just gotta go to Waffle House, and then it goes all black, but anyway then you're at said Waffle House. Truly, this can only be the will of God made manifest, both in how you got there and also just how good those waffles really are."
"Gregg Phillips was already a bit of a controversial choice to head the Office of Response and Recovery. This is a vitally important team, the members of the federal government tasked with monitoring natural disasters and determining how best to help the affected population, per the New York Times. It has 1,000 personnel and $300 million at its disposal (or at least, it does when its parent Department of Homeland Security isn't shut down). To lead it, you'd want someone with deep experience at emergency response or at least running a large organization. But in December, it got Phillips, most famous for being an election truther favored by President Donald Trump."
"His most notable achievement before that was being run out of the Texas state health department after steering an additional $20 million to a contractor that wasn't supposed to get it, per Chron. See? When Phillips is around, something that's supposed to be in one place just miraculously appears in another. God be praised!"
"Truly, Phillips is a chosen one, for God has blessed him not once, nay, but twice with teleportation. As he revealed on the Onward podcast and as reported by People, the first time he was teleported, it was while he was in his car... and lo, it was into a ditch. Hallelujah! Just outside a small-town church, no less. 'It was an incredibly frightening moment to experience yourself in your car, flying through the air,' he said. No kidding."
Continued at link:
https://www.jalopnik.com/2139605/fema-head-says-god-teleported-him-to-waffle-house/
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