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The Borowitz Report: Horrible News for Republicans
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/some-horrible-news-for-republicans
(for paid subscribers only)
Welcome to The Borowitz Report’s newest premium feature, TBR Midterms HQ. Between now and November, we’ll offer deep dives into the midterm races you need to know about—and make a few predictions.
Today we’ll look at a US Senate contest that’s been very much under the radar, because it’s in a state long considered solidly Republican: Mississippi. The last Democratic senator in The Magnolia State was John C. Stennis, first elected during the Truman administration. Could Democrats end that lengthy dry spell this November?
It would be a huge upset, but they have a secret weapon: the Republican incumbent, epic assclown Cindy Hyde-Smith. Because when Cindy opens her mouth, anything can happen.
In 2018, Mississippi’s Republican governor, Phil Bryant, tapped Hyde-Smith, the state’s Commissioner of Agriculture and Commerce, to replace Senator Thad Cochran, who had resigned for health reasons. Seven months later, she faced former US Secretary of Agriculture Mike Espy in a special election to serve the remainder of Cochran’s term. And that’s when Cindy, the Mouth of Mississippi, started making headlines around the world—for all the wrong reasons.
Hyde-Smith became the author of her own catastrophe at a campaign event in Tupelo three weeks before the election. After a rancher named Colin Hutchinson praised her to the crowd, she cheerfully reciprocated, “If he invited me to a public hanging, I’d be on the front row.”
People ignored her eccentric choice of preposition—generally, one sits in the front row, not on it—and focused on how deeply offensive her zest for public hanging was, given Mississippi’s notorious history of lynching. According to the NAACP, of the 4,743 lynchings that occurred in the US between 1882 and 1968, 581 happened in Mississippi, more than any other state. Seventy-two percent of those lynched were African American—as was Hyde-Smith’s Democratic opponent, Espy, who called her comment “reprehensible.”
The backlash was swift and brutal, as corporate donors fled Hyde-Smith’s campaign. Walmart tweeted from its official account, “Sen. Hyde-Smith’s recent comments clearly do not reflect the values of our company and associates. As a result, we are withdrawing our support and requesting a refund of all campaign donations.”
- more at link, for paid subscribers only -
It would be a huge upset, but they have a secret weapon: the Republican incumbent, epic assclown Cindy Hyde-Smith. Because when Cindy opens her mouth, anything can happen.
In 2018, Mississippi’s Republican governor, Phil Bryant, tapped Hyde-Smith, the state’s Commissioner of Agriculture and Commerce, to replace Senator Thad Cochran, who had resigned for health reasons. Seven months later, she faced former US Secretary of Agriculture Mike Espy in a special election to serve the remainder of Cochran’s term. And that’s when Cindy, the Mouth of Mississippi, started making headlines around the world—for all the wrong reasons.
Hyde-Smith became the author of her own catastrophe at a campaign event in Tupelo three weeks before the election. After a rancher named Colin Hutchinson praised her to the crowd, she cheerfully reciprocated, “If he invited me to a public hanging, I’d be on the front row.”
People ignored her eccentric choice of preposition—generally, one sits in the front row, not on it—and focused on how deeply offensive her zest for public hanging was, given Mississippi’s notorious history of lynching. According to the NAACP, of the 4,743 lynchings that occurred in the US between 1882 and 1968, 581 happened in Mississippi, more than any other state. Seventy-two percent of those lynched were African American—as was Hyde-Smith’s Democratic opponent, Espy, who called her comment “reprehensible.”
The backlash was swift and brutal, as corporate donors fled Hyde-Smith’s campaign. Walmart tweeted from its official account, “Sen. Hyde-Smith’s recent comments clearly do not reflect the values of our company and associates. As a result, we are withdrawing our support and requesting a refund of all campaign donations.”
Mississippi voters need to retire Cindy Hyde-Smith back to the 19th Century where she belongs. Please read the rest on today's Borowitz Report. And please consider subscribing to Andy Borowitz's substack for as little as $5 per month, (or whatever you can afford.)
3 replies
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This year she's up for another 6-year term, and Andy Borowitz (plus many other Dems) hope she'll lose this time. Unfortunately Mississippi has a lot of Repuke voters, and she plays to their prejudices.
