Your bullying boss may be slowly killing you

[limpyhobbler]

Your bullying boss may be slowly killing you
41 percent of American workers having been psychologically harassed at work

If you spend your workday avoiding an abusive boss, tiptoeing around co-workers who talk behind your back, or eating lunch alone because you've been ostracized from your cubicle mates, you may be the victim of workplace bullying. New research suggests that you're not alone, especially if you're struggling to cope.

Employees with abusive bosses often deal with the situation in ways that inadvertently make them feel worse, according to a new study published in the International Journal of Stress Management. That's bad news, as research suggests that workplace abuse is linked to stress — and stress is linked to a laundry list of mental and physical ailments, including higher body weight and heart disease.

In at least one extreme case, workplace bullying has even been linked to suicide, much as schoolyard bullying has been linked to a rash of suicides among young people.

Bullying is "a form of abuse which carries tremendous health harm," said Gary Namie, a social psychologist who directs the Workplace Bullying Institute. "That's how you distinguish it from tough management or any of the other cutesy ways people use to diminish it."

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[no_hypocrisy]

1. Three situations where I worked in law firms and my bosses were very abusive.

All bosses yelled (literally) to express displeasure. These were attorneys, who were supposed to have the ability to verbally express themselves with self control.

I left the first employment because the yelling escalated to where my boss hit me hard on the arm.

The other jobs I put up with the nonsense but I shouldn't have. The last job I had gave me a blood pressure reading of 205/110.

[JDPriestly]

2. So true, no_hypocrisy. And courts have a terrible time dealing with the lack of civility of lawyers

Law is an extremely stressful, very competitive profession. Lawyers face winning and losing every day. Sometimes the stakes are high. Their clients trust them with the clients' futures and pasts. It's a huge responsibility. And court rules are demanding -- unforgiving.

So that is probably why so many lawyers abuse their co-workers and other lawyers. They themselves are under tremendous pressure and they think they can just let it out on people around them. It is not an excuse. It's a real shame.

[treestar]

4. Agreed, they are under stress and always the scapegoat

The place to attack it is arrogant judges. The legislatures ought to do more to curb their powers, especially when it comes to making court rules and passing their clerical work onto the bar.

In one court I worked in it was absolutely abusive. Rather than hire one clerk to make up their files, they in essence trained each member of the bar to do it. On their website is a blatant instruction booklet on how to present the file to them. Just disgusting, and the big firms just cater to it obsequiously rather than standing up for themselves and their clients, onto whom the cost passes.

[Samantha]

9. You and I could have worked at some of the same places!

I worked in the legal community for about 25 years. Since 1984, however, I took jobs no one else would do. I did this because I needed a ton of money to put my daughter through a music conservatory, which she would need to attend for 5 years, the tuition for which was the same as an Ivy League law school. This is just a roundabout way of saying I didn't do it for myself.

The last one was the most horrendous. No one in this huge firm would work for one of my two partners, no one in administration would address his horrendous, outrageous behavior because they were afraid of him and because he brought in too much money. My blood pressure increased 50 points the last year I was there, and my doctor told me I had to get my stress under control because I was the perfect candidate for a heart attack or stroke. After about 4 years in this position, I walked away from the job. It was the most lucrative job I had ever had.

I did not know the extent of my boss' bullying when I took the job. I was recruited into the firm by another employee who called and told me I should come on over, the benefits were excellent. I found out later no agency in DC would even try to fill the position because everyone knew this attorney's reputation. I will say this. I learned how to repel his bullying tactics, one of which included coming to my desk, yelling at the top of his John McLaughlin-type voice that I must drop what I was doing and immediately take on his project. He used words to intimidate and humiliate me in front of the rest of the hallway. I got to the point where I simply said, "I am not doing this today" and I would turn my back to him and continue the project I was working on. BTW, he also used these tactics on other attorneys who worked with him, all of which told me they didn't know how I did what I did.

Eventually, he got to know me so well that he learned when his tactics had failed him. Once I planted my flag, he knew by my response when he needed to get assistance from Word Processing.

So today, having been away from all this 3 years, my blood pressure has finally returned to only 8 points above normal, and I can discontinue my medicine after this year. I am a much more impoverished person, but in so many other ways, so much richer.

Just needed to share my story after reading your remarks. Thanks.

Sam

[WorseBeforeBetter]

16. Cruel & Boring, errr, Crowell & Moring, by any chance? (n/t)

[Samantha]

18. No, I have worked in two law firms with worse reputations than they

But I am so done with that now.

Are you familiar with DC legal community?

Sam

[WorseBeforeBetter]

19. At one time, yes, but I got out...

years ago. "Discovered" the NOVA tech industry and never looked back. Glad you made it out, too.

[FarPoint]

3. I sure recognize this scenario.

It's an epidemic ...it must stop.

[YvonneCa]

12. So do I. 'Mobbing' is a form of group...

...bullying, and it exists in many workplaces...including public schools:

http://gbr.pepperdine.edu/2010/08/are-workplace-bullies-sabotaging-your-ability-to-compete/

[raccoon]

5. I've experienced this too, and it can take a long time to recover. Google "workplace bullying"

and see how much comes up.

I think there's always been a lot of this, it's just that now we're starting to hear about it.

Rec'd.

[FarPoint]

13. I sure will search this.

Ya know...you can go the extra mile so to speak...be kind to others etc... and bammm...the boss throws you under the bus just to make oneself feel important ....powerful ...my boss is a miserable soul.

[KatyaR]

6. I think this happens more often than people think.

Unfortunately, we lost our HR director last year because of her boss's bad behavior, which includes throwing people under the bus to cover her ass when she makes a mistake. We still don't have a replacement, and right now management is looking to outsource our HR to a PEO to "save money." This means pretty much no access at all to an HR professional who can intervene in these situations (because a PEO won't help, they're there to protect the company), so management will now be able to continue to treat people like crap and get away with it.

I have one coworker who is chronically ill and is now so stressed out from her boss and doing 3-4 people's jobs (because we are horribly overworked, understaffed, and underpaid) that she's about to stroke out. I truly expect her to have a major event of some kind soon if she doesn't quit.

[RKP5637]

7. I know the places I've worked are responsible for my high BP. Fortunately it

wasn't bullying but the pressures were so high to succeed there is no way anyone could not have left without some type of health problem.

[Mopar151]

8. Too many bosses

Who think this stuff is "normal", or like to watch - some of them even set this stuff up. I've seen HR - in-house and outsourced - who were at least "enablers", if not instigators.

[yurbud]

10. the bullies on Wall Street are effecting EVERY workplace

People have to work harder and overtime for fear of being replaced by the hungry unemployed.

Those of us who work for the gov't feel it too, in the budget austerity they demand and corrupt pols comply with.

[limpyhobbler]

11. yeah

Yes that's true...
The the crappy economic climate creates space for more personal bullying to go on, as people can't afford to lose a job or miss a paycheck, so they are compelled to take whatever abuse the boss dishes out.

[90-percent]

14. I seem to be a magnet for bullies in my life

Bullies in public school and ostracism. I first was ostracized at 10 by neighborhood friends. I was devastated and pretty much only had myself as a coping resource. I was so sad and heartbroken. But, I coped and made new friends and worked at it. It was a part of my life, not a defining all consuming part. Other stuff was going on and I really tried not to let it define the rest of my life. I took a lot of sociology and psych courses in HS and early college. It helped me understand people and myself better.

I spent 30 years in CNC Applications and was laid off at 55 in Feb 2009 in what I call the great panic. I got a job 18 months later on the floor - being a user instead of a builder. I changed careers and found I could hack it. 20% pay cut and loss of all those white collar privileges I took for granted for 30 years. But I fended of bankruptcy and going broke.

Well, 3 20-something males, 2 in my department (swiss machining) and one from shipping, filed a complaint with personnel that I was sexually harassing them. My all female outside contractor personnel department got on the job and questioned me. I forget all the questions, but one of them was, "on so and so date, did you not ask James, while at the optical comparator, "Is this some sexy part I made or what?" All accusations were of similar quality, because it is not my nature to attack others, especially other men or women in a sexually or any kind of harassing kind of way.

I lost a lot of sleep over all this. I was hurt and scared.

The company closed up what little American MFG they had left - which was only about 30 people, so there was never a ruling.

a year later I met up with one of my accusers - I asked him directly why they did that, and he said "It was all Phil's idea- he wanted to get rid of you so he could be top dog in the department".

I currently work for the most dehumanizing economic servitude type of operation I have ever experienced. I am proud of myself for being able to to work in such a place every day. Manufacturing is picking up again, dramatically, and I had one great interview last week and one coming up Tuesday.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I am going to do better. PS - My current boss is a major bully, but, he's not Machiavellian. The self control I have learned in relating to him will serve me well for the rest of my working life.

-90% Jimmy

the only people that can truly know how hurtful bullying can be are those that have been victims of it.

[limpyhobbler]

15. wow dude that sucks but I'm glad you got through it.

To tell the truth, I can relate.

By the way I love that Frank Zappa quote in your signature.

[90-percent]

17. Still time to rec up my Zappa SNL link, then.

http://www.rocklineradio.com/replay/replay.php

I am a bully magnet to this day. I think it may be why it gets me laid off from jobs more than most. I have a lot of flaws, but I'm a critical thinker and can do it quickly. That tends to frighten the empty suits I tend to end up reporting to.

For example, at the send off to our GM five years ago, my toast was; "Bill, you are one of the few people I've ever met in your level of management that wasn't a complete flaming fucking asshole." His superiors and others that flew in from the main plant may not have taken this as constructive criticism. But, I did think these guys could take a joke. I think I was channeling too much Frank Zappa and Hunter Thompson in the workplace at that time?

I will tone it down,( lessons learned) but I can't brown nose to save my freaking life, and I chafe at reporting to people I perceive as doing their jobs much worse than I do mine. But, in middle management these days, the empty suits and wastes of skin are enjoying tremendous prosperity.

-90% Jimmy