European DUers please help me with tonight's Stephen Colbert opening...

[Hekate]

He frequently has a team of actors playing newscasters, or alternatively runs a bit of North Korean newscast with completely comic subtitles.

But this was different. We thought it was supposed to be German. A newscast called Nachrichten (I think I got the title right) spoken by a woman with a mop of curly blond hair -- English subtitles, okay, but even though we listened several times (the woman was absolutely hilarious) neither of us could understand a word of what she said or match it with the subtitles. Maybe another language?

She started with a photo of Trump and Merkel and related how he said Germany was completely owned by Russia. She began to crack up laughing and got kind of hysterical with laughter.

If it was a skit, it was great. But it felt so real. Do any of you recognize this as a real news program? Do you recognize the woman?

Any help appreciated.

[Rhiannon12866]

1. Here's the video which may help:

I just posted the monologue and opening in V&M.


How German News Covered Trump's NATO Visit

After Trump accused Germany of being 'captive to Russia,' German news networks attempted to report the story with a straight face.

[Sophia4]

2. OK guys, she is either Austrian or perhaps Bavarian.

And what she said could be interpreted as vulgar. But it is so vulgar that is funny. Maybe I misunderstood, but I doubt it.

I'm not going to translate what I understood her to say.

[Hekate]

3. Thanks -- I just wanted to find out if it's a real news anchor or if our legs were being pulled

I thought her reaction was perfect, under the circs.

[Sophia4]

4. I think it was a joke, but I don't know if it was a joke taken from Austrian or German TV.

It could actually have been from, say, Austrian TV.

[DFW]

5. It was taken from Austrian TV, and the "translation" has nothing to do with what she really said

It was a report on cultural issues, and had something to do with the preservation of some kind of eggs. Whether dinosaur eggs or buried Fabergé eggs, that couldn't be determined from the clip, but the report said that women who were expert at scratching eggs were few and far between. However, "Eier (eggs)" is also German slang for testicles, so when she read that it was very difficult to find women who could scratch eggs, it was as if an American broadcaster said that the Ministry of Culture was having difficulty finding women who could scratch a man's balls.

I think we can forgive her for cracking up.

[Hekate]

6. YES! Thank you so much, DFW!

I knew you'd have the answer straight off.

We both thank you -- we couldn't make sense of a single word, and now we know it was because of the cognitive dissonance of e.g. seeing a red apple captioned "blue."

Colbert strikes again.

[csziggy]

7. I wonder if the original report was about Czech Easter eggs?

These beautiful eggs are called Kraslice. In the past, women in the countryside used to paint them and on Easter Monday gave them to the men as a gift. They are still made by professionals today and you can buy them on an Easter market anywhere in Prague. To decorate these eggs many materials are used such as bee's wax, straw, onions or watercolors.
http://pragueherewego2015.eklablog.com/czech-easter-customs-and-traditions-a117905904

The designs often look as though the color is scratched off but I've never explored exactly how it is done.

[eppur_se_muova]

8. During the Berlin blockade, JFK gave a speech describing the plight of West Berliners ...

... in which he spelled out the deprivations of the children, including "the poor children have no eggs". Of course this got translated into German -- and Willy Brandt, mayor of W. Berlin, hearing this, pounded his desk and shouted, "Was meint er da ? Man muss eier haben um Deutsch zu sprechen !"









(This is an old joke, dredged up from an old memory ... apologies for any errors. )