I haven't worked on this date in 14 years.

[barbtries]

in 2004 I had just started the 1st new job I got after my daughter was killed on 19Jul2001. i started the job on the 15th and when the 19th rolled around I thought I cannot take a day off 4 days into the job. so i showed up and as soon as my new boss asked how i was, I fell apart.
"This is a sad anniversary..."
Now my job has required me to be here and working today. I am sitting at the site crying. She's been dead for 17 years and I can't believe she's even DEAD. But she is, she is, and i have to work. Bekah give me the wherewithal to do what i have to do. Love forever.

thanks for the indulgence DU.

[janterry]

1. I'm so sorry

You deserve every indulgence. (And then some)

Much love to you

[barbtries]

2. thank you janterry

i'm here but so far it's questionable how much work i'll get done today. gotta stop crying first...

[badhair77]

3. I am so sorry you're hurting today (and everyday, I'm sure).

I wish I could fix your pain but I can’t. However I can listen and tell you I support you and I’ll keep checking this thread to see how you are holding up today. Time can soften the sharp edges of that pain but it doesn’t erase it. I wish you peace.

[barbtries]

4. thank you.

it's a very long road and i've come very far. anniversaries can be hard. i have achieved a level of peace with her loss but it floods me today. this day thankfully for me and my family is exceptional any more. i'll try to remember that too.

[badhair77]

6. I am relieved to read this.

It is all understandable. I hope you can find some extra special ways to pamper yourself today. Be extra kind to yourself or do something special in honor of Bekah today.

[Borchkins]

5. I'm so sorry.

She is so loved. I wish I had words to make it better.

[barbtries]

8. you do make it better

thank you. i feel isolated in a city where i don't live and none of my family near let alone her bones which are all the way across the country. Thank you, really!

[IADEMO2004]

7. Self-employed so I had the luxury of anniversary days off.

Sobbing in a customers backyard on the first wedding anniversary without her I said no more of this. Feelings are part of what makes you you. Be yourself. Wet cheeks here now.

[barbtries]

9. exactly - i never work on July 19

but circumstances this year left me little choice. I am sorry for your loss

[Fla Dem]

10. No words to ease your sorrow, just a caring hug. Have peace in your heart.

[barbtries]

11. thank you Fla Dem

i'm working on it

[demmiblue]

12. ...

[LeftInTX]

13. I'm so sorry Barbtries

I can't imagine losing a child......

[barbtries]

16. thank you LeftInTX

never find out.

[LeftInTX]

20. I know.....

[Duppers]

14. Your July 19 is my April 29, 1983.

It has gotten better for me as the years have passed but there remains that pain in the back of my throat when I try speaking about her. I mostly can't.

I'm so sorry, barbtries.

[barbtries]

17. I'm so sorry for your loss as well Duppers

i always say that the pain doesn't change, it justs hits less often and for shorter periods of time over the years. but it's still the indescribable inexpressible pain that was felt the day she died.

[janterry]

15. Just wanted to check back in

since it is now tomorrow.

[barbtries]

18. you're a sweetie!

i got through the day with DU and FB love. wasn't as productive as i wanted to be but i'll forgive myself. still crying a little.

it was like an experiment almost - let's see if i can work on the anniversary of Bekah's death. hadn't even tried since 2004 and i won't do it again voluntarily. i was cast back to 2001 like it was yesterday. now i dust myself off and reenter the current nightmare of my country being lost, but hopefully stronger yet.

thank you!

[badhair77]

19. I'm checking in also.

I’m glad to see you made it thru the day even though you went through a world of emotions. Just remember we care. And that goes for the others who spoke about their loss in this thread. There are DUers here who will listen. I don’t have much on advice but I can listen.

[barbtries]

21. thank you badhair!

it is a comfort truly

[badhair77]

22. We all need that - on the giving end and the receiving end