I might have made a little faux pas at work today.

[smirkymonkey]

We just got a new manager in our department and he is much friendlier and chattier in than the old one. The previous manager had meeting back to back almost every day, however this one has been complaining about having too many meetings and how his wife has been getting mad at him for not taking time to answer her emails during the day.

He has been complaining about this for the past two weeks, and also how she doesn't want him to go on business trips (fyi, she used to be a high-powered business woman in finance before she took years off to raise their children). Anyway, I guess I finally got a little curious (and yes, annoyed) by the fact that his wife expected him to have all kinds of free time during the day to be available to text back and forth.

So I just asked him, "what does she text you about?" and he said "just what she is doing during the day and asking about how my day is going". Then I said "doesn't she realize that you are in meetings all day" and he said "well, I think when she was working she would have, but she doesn't now and I don't want to make her angry". But I suspect he may have been a little offended. I admit I was totally inappropriate and plan to apologize as it was not my place to inquire, but when I have been hearing him complaining for weeks about too many meetings, yet he is the one on insisting upon more meetings in the department, it is frustrating so I kind of said something I shouldn't have.

How do you think I should handle this. It wasn't a hostile exchange by any means, but I feel like as a subordinate I really overstepped my bounds by asking such a question. Especially when I don't know him that well.

However, one of my biggest pet peeves is people who insist upon bugging people at work all day with minutia when they know damn well that they are busy. I have people who do that to me too and it's annoying.

Ok, sorry for the rant.

[Eko]

1. I think you helped him.

"well, I think when she was working she would have, but she doesn't now and I don't want to make her angry".

[Sherman A1]

2. I wouldn't handle it

I would just move on and perhaps he will stop complaining which is what started this exchange based upon what you have stated. I wouldn't apologize, I would just go about my day.

[avebury]

5. This. NT

[Squinch]

3. I don't think you did anything wrong. And he did provide more of an explanation than was

required when he said he didn't want to make her angry, so it doesn't sound to me like he was particularly bothered by it.

What makes you think he was offended?

[smirkymonkey]

7. Well, I think it might have sounded like I was a little critical of one

of his family members. I'm not sure if he found it disrespectful or not. As soon as I said it I wanted to take it back.

[badhair77]

4. I think you're fine.

I’d just move on as if nothing happened. I hate when people bug me when I’m busy, also. Maybe he’ll give you some space with his complaints.

[MaryMagdaline]

6. Understandable slip, if that

He is probably embarrassed that he drew criticism of his wife. It was really his misstep. Since he is your boss, it is doubling embarrassing. I would write it off as he drew you in (his fault), but you won’t take the bait again. I think if you try to talk to him it will only remind him that he was, however slightly, disloyal to his wife. You, on the other hand, were bring loyal, and only mistake was recognizing boss crossed a line. Not horrible, but definitely crossed a line. Not your fault but definitely your problem when the boss is involved. I say don’t address it directly. My credentials? A bit temperamental but well liked in most work places, 6th of 8 children. Alternatively referred to as peacemaker, but sometimes my mother referred to me as a patsy. Sometimes took more on just to have peace. So ... you can place as little or as much weight on my opinion as you see fit.

Good luck! Work families can be tough

[smirkymonkey]

8. Thank you!

I have a habit of being hypersensitive and reading into people's minds. Projecting my own guilt upon them. I think because I feel so guilty about getting annoyed with people who bother me. Also, I guess I got tired of him complaining about his wife. I felt like saying, "look, you are here to work, not to chit-chat w/ your needy wife all day."

I don't know why. I guess really needy people get on my nerves.

[MaryMagdaline]

9. I know how you feel. Plus new bosses are tough adjustments even when nice

[Upthevibe]

10. I think you're fine....He's the one that started it by sharing that his wife

was mad at him for not getting back to her. It seems completely in sync with a conversation for you to have asked. I absolutely wouldn't worry about it.

[smirkymonkey]

11. Thank you. He does have a tendency to overshare how much his

wife hates to compete with his time at work. I actually think it's kind of unprofessional of him. I still should have kept my mouth shut, but in a way I felt like he was almost asking for it. Like he wanted someone to tell him that his wife was overbearing.

I would have thought the same thing if it was a female boss who had a husband who did the same thing.