Four years ago, today, I lost my best friend

[Siwsan]

This is my sister. Today is the 4th anniversary of her death, so I’m a bit mired in sadness and memories. But since I’ve mentioned her in a lot of posts, I decided to share this with my friends on DU, who helped me navigate the early grief of her death.

This photo captures her spirit better than any other. The fur coat she’s wearing was either our grandmother’s or aunt’s. It likely hadn’t been worn for years, before this picture was taken, and hasn’t been out of the hall closet, since. What inspired her to put it on and pose this way - well, that’s just the sort of thing she was prone to do.

She was so much fun. She was always the one I could go to for advice, or just to talk about stuff and nonsense. The last time I saw her I sat and talked to her, scratched her nose, and held her hand while we watched ‘The Goldbergs’. She loved that show. I assured her that I would always be there for her children.

The guilt I feel about being the one to celebrate the birth of her first grandchild, and to stand in for her at her daughter’s wedding definitely bump up hard against the joy. It is a bitter sweet privilege. I’ll miss her until I take my last breath.

[Lifelong Protester]

1. I am sorry for your loss.

Time doesn't make it better but it makes it a bit easier to take.

[guillaumeb]

2. Recommended.

Celebrating beer, or winter? Or beer in the winter?

I have never lost a sibling. Best wishes and feelings in continuing to deal with the loss.

[blm]

3. ((Siwswan))

.

[mia]

4. A beautiful tribute to your sister!

Thank you for sharing your memories.

[dameatball]

5. Thank you for sharing that great picture. When you say it captures who she was I can believe it.

Sometimes the raw truth is the best memory . She seems like she would be someone good to know. My condolences.

[blur256]

6. So sorry for your loss.

She looked like a beautiful soul.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. Thank you for this lovely tribute, my dear Siwsan...

It’s a lovely photo. The love between you both shines out from your post.

She’s at peace now, and I hope you will be there soon, as your life goes forward.

[Ohiogal]

8. Hugs, Siwsan

Your sis looks like a real character! I'm sure you will always cherish the time you had together.

[sheshe2]

9. A beautiful tribute to your sister, Siwsan.

[Donkees]

10. A Toast in Remembrance of a Beloved Sister

[sl8]

11. "To live in hearts we leave behind, is not to die."

[3catwoman3]

12. What a spirited picture.

As a fellow bereaved sibling, my heart aches for you.

Last February marked 40 years since my brother, and only sibling, died way too young at 23, in a scuba diving venture gone awry. The sharp, jagged grief softens over the decades, as it must, but there is always a hole there.

No matter if it is 4 years or 40, there are times when the loss feels like it happened just moments ago, and times when it feels like forever. My brother has been gone so long that it sometimes feels as if I imagined him. He had no kids.

I hope you draw some comfort from being part of the lives of her children, as I expect they do from you. A poignant joy, to be sure.

Cyber hug to you -

[JudyM]

21. I feel your heart in your post, and I'm so sorry for your loss, too.

[Siwsan]

24. I've also lost a brother

Back in 1976, to a drug overdose. Whether it was accidental or on purpose, we'll never know, but his life circumstances, at the time, indicate the 2nd. We were very close in age and I always thought very close a siblings. I always wondered why he didn't reach out, to me. That will weigh on me until I die.

So, now it's just me and my younger brother, left of the family. Fortunately we are always there for each other.

[3catwoman3]

25. How dreadful. You must be a very strong person...

...to still be standing, metaphorically speaking, after such a double whammy.

The loss of a sibling is second only, IMO, to the loss of a child. Or, a parent dying when a child is young.

With my brother having died so young, it is almost as if my childhood has been negated, because there is no one of a similar age with whom to share the memories of that time. There is what I call a biological loneliness that comes from not having many immediate relatives. I am envious of people from big families. None of our extended family lived close by when we were growing up, and we saw aunts, uncles, and cousins perhaps once a year. My mom is 96, and still going strong. We don't live near each other, unfortunately. I dread her inevitable passing.

My husband and I have 2 sons, now 28 and 26. They are the joys of my life. It's not their job to do so, but they helped restore a sense of connectedness to the rest of humanity that was ripped away when my brother died.

I do hope I am not guilty of highjacking your thread. Such was not my intention. When one is a reluctant member of the "bereaved sibling club," it always resonates when you come to know someone else's "membership" story.

[Siwsan]

29. It is something you can fully relate to, only when you've experienced such a loss.

Three weeks after my sister died, my mother followed her. She never knew about Chris' death because she was in end-stage Alzheimer's. That left me dealing with these two deaths while also trying to take care of my 96 year old aunt, who fell on New Years's Day and broke her hip. I sometimes wonder how I made it through 2015 but taking an early retirement was probably a life saver.

I'm lucky to have a niece and two nephews, and, now, their spouses. I've been in their lives since they day they were born. Right now there's a competition going on as to where I could end up, in years to come. And it's not a question of who has to be there to take me in, should the need arise. It's who gets to. There's talk of a 'granny house'.

Thanks so much for sharing your story!

[littlemissmartypants]

13. So sweet a tribute but so sad.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[orleans]

14. we remember those we love forever

... until you meet again ...

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

15. What a lovely picture.

It does seem to capture her spirit, and I wish I could have known her.

[NJCher]

16. terrific picture

It seems to match the kind of person you described. I can understand your feelings for your sister; I have a brother I feel that way about. You should contact a medium and see if you can get through to her. I ordinarily wouldn't say such a thing not knowing your belief system, but the other day I was at a Catholic university at a meeting with some other professors, and most of these Catholics all had the belief that they'd communicated with a loved one who had passed on. I've since read statistics that say that most people think there is an after life.

Actually, you don't even need a medium. There are books that tell how to do this on your own.

[Siwsan]

19. I believe that people come to us in our dreams

The day she died I was up in the kids room, just about to fall asleep, when I heard a loud BANG on the outside wall, right by the ceiling. Then, all of a sudden an aroma surrounded me, and I recognized as her scent. I figured she was just letting me know she was ok.

I dream about her, my dad and my brother, frequently. I dream much less about my mother, but I think she may have had a harder transition to the other side. Hopefully she is at peace, now.

[Delmette2.0]

41. After my son died 18 months ago I missed him so very much.

When ever he le left the house he wanted a hug. I was happy to get a gig back. I missed Michael and I missed his hugs. I sat up in bed to get up and I could feel his hug. Everyone hugs differently and I know it was Michael.

I do believe that we get at least one acknowledgement from beyond.

[backtoblue]

17. K&R

[Ligyron]

18. HA! She looks like a real character.

Anybody who drinks beer in the snow and poses so majestically in a fur coat has got to be a ton of fun to hang with. I dislike people who take themselves too seriously.

Taking another look at her, I don't believe anything can stop such spirit.

Nope, not even that.

[Kali]

20. lost one of my best friends on this day too

5 years ago

[JudyM]

22. I've always wished I'd had a sister. In my mind's eye, she'd've been the way you describe yours.

I’m glad you enjoyed her so much, and so sorry that you’re heartbroken now.

[KY_EnviroGuy]

23. Bittersweet.

My fond memories of those taken away bring a smile, then thinking of the loss brings a tear.

For me, loss of true emotional friendship is far worse that that of losing kin, lovers or partnerships.....

Thanks for sharing her beautiful memory......

[vlyons]

26. Thank you for sharing

May loving her grandchildren give you great joy.

[lunasun]

27. Enjoy your good memories like this as you are able

[Crutchez_CuiBono]

28. I know where she's looking..

to the cosmos and Heaven. Where WE ALL GO. And we will see them again. The idea that somehow man determines who goes and doesn't, doesn't fit the record and our lyin eyes.
Your dear sister knows it's true. Very beautiful. That looks like it was a great day. She's looking to the sun and sky, and our futures. We'll all go there too someday. Love you Siwsan. Anniversaries are hard. Crying is good.
Death only hurts those left behind. Go easy on yourself today. XO

[Moostache]

30. Thank you for sharing your memories with us...

As hard as it is for those left behind, sharing the memories of our beloved departed is therapeutic to us all. Your beautiful sister's joi'd'vie comes through in the photo and your recollection and reminds us all to seize the moments we are gifted with each other and to cherish them while we can.

I truly hope you more happy recollections and fewer sad moments along the journey, but I appreciate your courage to share them openly and freely with us.

[KT2000]

31. It has been one month today

that my sister passed. I appreciate your post very much.

[Siwsan]

32. My heartfelt condolences

Losing a sibling leaves a wound that never really heals. A day doesn't go by that I don't suddenly start thinking about my sister. And I always hope that, when I fall asleep, she'll come to me, in a dream.

[Bayard]

33. I feel for you, Siwsan

What a great picture! It looks like the end of winter, she's saying--"Here Comes the Sun".

I have lost all 3 of my older siblings now, much too early, and both parents. We were all very close. The holidays are especially hard.....missing the family gatherings. Missing them all so much.

The love lives on.

[TSheehan]

34. I am so very sorry!!!

She sounds like she was a wonderful person.

[Fla Dem]

35. Those we've loved and lost, always in our hearts and thoughts. Hugs to you Siwsan.

[Niagara]

36. R.I.P. Siwsan's Sister

Your sister's photo radiates her vibrant personality.

Any stranger can see this from this beautiful photo.

Thank you for sharing, Siwsan.

[lunamagica]

37. No words, just a big

[UpInArms]

38. I am so sorry for your loss

[japple]

39. What a beautiful picture and sweet tribute to your sister.

Thank you for sharing her magnificence and enduring spirit. I hope you feel her close to you tonight.

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

40. Beautiful tribute...

Heaven is how people remember you, your sister is in heaven.

[smirkymonkey]

42. Thanks you for your lovely tribute and for sharing that amazing photo with us.

She looks like an incredibly spirited person who was full of life. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to lose her. I have four siblings and I am the oldest. I haven't lost anyone yet, but I would be absolutely devastated if I did, so I don't know how you cope with it. I am glad you were able to open up and share this with us.