I'm so sad & angry right now. Rick's death was completely preventable.
I recently wrote about the unexpected death of my SO, Rick. https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181213040
I received the death certificate today and discovered that the main cause of death and the reason for his heart failure was due to something called hyperkalemia. I thought I'd heard of most diseases and conditions, but this a new one. It's caused by the buildup of potassium in the bloodstream. Untreated it can lead to heart failure, which it did in Rick's case. It makes sense because one of the ways they execute prisoners is to give them an overdose of potassium which stops their heart. It's manageable with medication, but you can't manage what you don't know about. I could never get Rick to go to a doctor. He was so traumatized by the countless doctor visits he took his late wife to during her 6-year battle with ALS that he said he never wanted to see the inside of a doctor's office again. This was the only thing we ever argued about.
Please, please, please go in for a checkup at least once every couple of years. I'll bet Rick hadn't gone to a doctor for anything other than to urgent care for sinus infections in over a decade. And he had excellent health insurance, which makes me even madder.
I thought I was coming to terms with his death, but this has thrown me for a loop. I don't know what to do with these feelings of frustration, anger, and, yes, guilt. Could I have been more insistent about him seeing a doctor? But then I think it wouldn't have helped anyway. From what I read, a person can be asymptomatic, which Rick obviously was, until it stops your heart. Rick was battling a stomach virus several days before he died. I suspect that was the trigger. Dehydration throws blood chemistry out of whack all by itself, so this must have been catastrophic. The Pedialyte I brought to him helped him feel better, but I suspect the damage was done.
Damn, damn, damn.
To diagnose and treat hyperkalemia properly, one should know its definition. It is worth mentioning that the disease is spread all over the world; it occurs rather frequently. In the majority of cases (90% and more), the patients suffer from the soft type of this illness. Usually, there are no fatal consequences, and the problem is successfully solved. Mild form of this health issue is well tolerated.
It is important to recover from hyperkalemia when it is mild, as it becomes more difficult to cope with the severe form of this health condition. The core problem of the disease is the supremely high levels of potassium in the human blood. When these levels get overrated, the patient may end up dead because of the cardiac arrest. If the problem remains unrecognized and incorrectly treated, a serious form of it may end up with a high mortality rate.
It is necessary to understand what may lead to hyperkalemia in order to avoid risk factors. Potassium is an active participant in the process of muscle tissue control. This element is also a critical part of our digestion and metabolism. So, the way organism perceives and processes food depends on potassium. The element takes care of the electrical – chemical balance. The disease takes place when the level of this element exceeds the norm.
When potassium grows in its amount in the bloodstream above the accepted norm, the person may be attacked by hyperkalemia. Too much potassium release in the organism has a negative effect even though the element is necessary for our bodies. If the condition gets severe, the kidneys are no longer able to eliminate excessive potassium.
If the patient deals with asymptomatic form of this disorder, there are no definite symptoms. In other cases, doctors pay attention to such signs as nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, tiredness, general body weakness, and tingling feelings. Problems with heart rhythm (pulse) and too slow heartbeat are other issues to mind. There are times when the increase in potassium rate is too fast.
The last thing to understand is how to diagnose this illness. Health care professionals start from evaluating the levels of potassium in blood. Sometimes, they think it is the early stage of hemolysis as the symptoms look similar. Just remember the healthy rate of serum potassium – 3.5 to 5 mEq/l. make sure it is not jumping up and down. Examine kidney function creatinine and bloodstream for associated elements and their amount. Another method to discover the illness is through the estimation of trans-tubular potassium gradient. Don’t forget about the effectiveness of electrocardiography.
http://symptoms.tips/what-is-hyperkalemia-symptoms-causes-and-diagnostics/
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Please, please remember that, and be kind to yourself if you find yourself questioning whether you did enough to get him to a doctor. Of course you would have pushed harder for him to see a doctor if you knew. But you didn't know.
Your husband, too, did the best he could with the knowledge he had at the time.
A good friend said these words to me after I lost my fiancé to suicide.
Much love to you during this wrenching time. 
You're in a terrible place right now. And all you can see is your beloved husband's death and now this new information.
Sometimes things happen and everything falls apart, but it's not your fault. It could not be helped.
Eventually you will be able to let go of all this trauma, even though it's hard.
I missed your first post but the grieving that you feel is palpable.
Please, don't be angry. Rick lived his life as he wanted and, lucky for him, you were there for him.
Just remember the wonderful time you had. At some point, we all lose loved ones and the lucky ones love and are loved to the very end.
Would a grieving group help you?
found the problem anyway. So sorry this happened. Thanks for telling us about it. Maybe you saved someone else tonight.
I want to tell you that I experienced the same thing Rick did when it came to hospitals. I took care of my parents for the last seven years of their life. I spent more time in hospitals and doctors offices and rehab centers than I could ever imagine.
The last year of my mother's life was extremely intense, and when she passed, I swore I would never step foot in another hospital. I kept my word for six years. Last year I had to go to the hospital myself, and all I had to do was walk in there and I had a full-on panic attack. So I truly understand where Rick was coming from. The fear of going back into one of those places is a very real thing.
I am sure he did the best he could, and you cannot fault yourself for what he was unable to do for himself.
All of the emotions you are feeling right now are very normal. Allow yourself to have them, as they will help you heal over time. I know that seems impossible right now, but time will help.
None of us knows everything that is going on in our bodies, and even if he had gone to the doctor, you never know if they would have caught what was going on.
Please don't put the blame on yourself. There is no blame. It is life. And sometimes life does really horrible things to us.
You are taking one of the most horrible things that has happened to you, and you are educating us when you don't even have to bother. It is so typical of you to do something so wonderful for all of us. Bless you.
I can only imagine your anguish. You could not have known.
Sending
And thank you for reminding us to seek medical help & testing. Thankgoodness docs do not bother my family but hospitals do.
Please, don't beat yourself up. Even though I know that's human nature at times like this.
Hyperkalemia Is often overlooked even when one is under a doctors care. My best friend had it. She had suffered heart failure in her late 30's and fought hyperkalemia for the next decade. Her previous heart failure was the only reason they monitored her potassium levels. Before that they thought her symptoms were from her gallbladder. It wasn't the problem, though. Which her subsequent heart problems made clear.
Again, I'm deeply sorry for your loss.
The sharp edges need time to soften, and they will if you let them. I am a year out from my father’s death now, and time (and efforts not to push away or cling to the pain) has helped the pain shift a lot. I still have regrets and still some anger about how things outside my control were handled by my sibs, but I realize that what serves the love best is treasuring the love and not fighting internally about the circumstances.
Wishing you a return to peace and a calmer heart, my animal-loving sister.