Sorting papers, found some foul humor and a link online!

[Marthe48]

My husband worked at an aluminum mill and once in a while, his co-workers would circulate humorous papers. I came across the Old Phrase New Phrase memo, and couldn't help laughing.

I included some of the cleaner phrases, and a link you can go to, if you don't mind foul language:
*********************************************************************************
It has been brought to the management’s attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees. Due to complaints from some of the easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated.

The management does, however, realize the importance of each person being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with their fellow employees. Therefore, the management has compiled the following code phrases so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue.

OLD PHRASE NEW PHRASE

No f***ing way ......................................... I’m not certain that’s feasible.
You’ve got to be shitting me ........................... Really.
Tell someone who gives a f** .......................... Perhaps you should check with.........
Ask me if I give a f*** ................................ Of course I’m concerned.
It’s not my f***ing problem ............................ I wasn’t involved in that project.

What the f***? ......................................... Interesting behavior.
F*** it, it won’t work ................................. I’m not sure I can implement this.
Why the f*** didn’t you tell me that sooner............. I’ll try to schedule that.
When the f*** do you expect me to do this? ............. Perhaps I can work late.

Who the f*** cares? .................................... Are you sure it’s a problem?
He’s got his head up his ass ........................... He’s not familiar with the problem.
Eat s*** ............................................... You don’t say.
Eat s*** and die ....................................... Excuse me?
Eat s*** and die, m*f*......................... Excuse me, sir?

What the f*** do they want from my life? ............... They weren’t happy with it?
Kiss my ass ............................................ So you’d like my help with it?
F*** it, I’m on salary ................................. I’m a bit overworked at the moment.
Shove it up your ass ................................... I don’t think you understand.

This job sucks ......................................... I love a challenge.
Who the hell died and made you boss .................... You want me to take care of this?
Blow me ................................................ I see.
Blow yourself .......................................... Do you see?

Another fuck*** meeting ................................ Yes, we should discuss this.
I really don’t give a s*** ............................. I don’t think it will be a problem.
F*** you ............................................... How nice. How very nice.


https://gist.github.com/marsam/5846034

I will deleye if it is too much

[dlk]

1. Hilarious-We Can All Use a Good Laugh!

Thanks for sharing.

[ProudProgressiveNow]

2. Good stuff!

[Lonestarblue]

3. Thank you!

My sense of humor has been missing in action lately with mass murders in Texas, an idiot governor calling migrants at our border an invasion that gun nuts need to address by taking matters into their own hands, and a president whose sheer stupidity leaves me too depressed to think. Reminds me of my corporate days when FUBAR reigned as the mantra for those who had to try to pick up the pieces of whichever project had gone south. Laughing was the only way to keep some sanity.

[Niagara]

4. Good one!

[Karadeniz]

5. Laughing out loud, so THANKS!

[Skittles]

6. I swear I have heard all these in my career except "Blow yourself"

that's a new one