Feeling overwhelmed and can't sleep

[samplegirl]

My husband is having double knee replacement on Wednesday. We are 62 and not retired. He needs this done he’s been in pain for years with them.
But when he’s scared it makes me even more scared. He’s the tough one! I fall apart at everything. There is so much to do Ice every hour. A friend dropped off a special knee icing pads that is a machine. The surgery is robotic and takes 4 hours or so. Her husband had it 4 months ago... not sure her talk helped as she said her husband asked her a few times why he did it. Literally I can’t get calm.
I also suffer panic and right now I just feel like crying. I’ve been a member her for 15 years and there’s nothing that people haven’t helped me with.
Could use some advice. Thanks

[vlyons]

1. Calm yourself down

Practice meditation, where you just focus on your breath. When thoughts arise, label them "just thinking" and refocus on your breath. Do this to relax your mind for 15 minutes. Do it several times a day. Your worrisome thoughts are just thoughts. They are not real sold self-existent things. Thoughts have no mass. You can't weigh them on a scale. They just SEEM real, and that is the illusion. You could just as easily tell yourself that your husband's surgery is going to be even more successful that you imagined. That after the regular time of post-surgery healing that he is going to feel so much better and be very mobile. Imagine him gardening, playing golf, dancing, taking nature walks with you on his new knees. Be a ray of sunshine for your husband.

[samplegirl]

20. I'll go back to this post

tomorrow while waiting and read it again! Then talk myself down. I always hated any surgery my mom ever had as well. I guess it brings back memories.
Thank you for taking time to answer. I just knew I had to ask here in D.U.

[7wo7rees]

2. Hang on. I know it may sound trite but "breathe". Stop and just breathe.

It will be ok. Do not let fear and panic take over.
I was on the phone in 2006 begging the nurses' to come help me dress the wound. It had to be changed every 4 hrs. You will do fine. I wish I could give you more

[samplegirl]

19. Thank you

[Frustratedlady]

3. You will be amazed. I've been through surgeries with my husband and dreaded the post-op period...

not sure I could handle it and spent sleepless nights. I was amazed. Something happened and it just came naturally...I was confident and seemed to do what needed to be done.

You'll be fine. There is an inner strength that jumps into place and guides you through the recovery. That icing pad machine should be a help...haven't heard of it.

Remember to take care of yourself, too. It helps to have someone come in and relieve you, if for just half an hour or so. Take a walk, lie down for a while or just go out for an ice cream cone. it's the change of scenery that helps the most and the load off your shoulders for a while is invigorating.

Good luck! You can do it.

[captain queeg]

4. Sometimes a distraction

If you get a chance for some guilty pleasure that might get your mind off it; ice cream, a massage, video/TV. Whatever fits.

I got real stressed going into my first surgery. Now I’m an old hand, have had half a dozen. They’re no fun and recovery takes awhile. I will say that everyone I know whose had a joint replacement has been happy with the results. Everyone says they wish they’d done it sooner. We are so lucky to live at a time where so many things can be fixed.

[royable]

5. I know lots of people who have had knee replacement surgery.

In just a few days your husband will be in better shape than he was before, and from there he'll show steady improvement and within a month he'll be able to do things he hasn't been able to do in years, most likely. Hopefully he'll be having some physical therapy to help him along; if not, I bet the medical team at the hospital can point you to resources on what he can do himself, or with your help, for physical therapy. Even if he will have a physical therapist, there are still several exercises he'll need to do several times a day at home, and you can help with them, even something as simple as getting pillows properly adjusted under his knees as he lies in bed. You'll probably be very tired for a week or so as you do things for him and don't get enough rest for yourself, but after a couple weeks, things will really get better for you as well. The knee icing machine should really help, though you'll need to add new ice from time to time and drain off the water that the ice melts into. If you can call on a friend or two or three to bring you some pre-cooked meals during the first week, that will free up a lot of your time (unless you always eat packaged meals or take-out). Some pieces of equipment that can be of great benefit: a raised toilet seat (or just a very high toilet), a bench to put in your bathtub or shower, and a walker (pretty much required), graduating to a cane in one to three weeks. Good luck to both of you!

[samplegirl]

21. Thank you Ived

Got all of the things you have mentioned. I guess if if it’s bad the first few days I can get something deliver for food.
Though I normally cook most our food. I’ve managed to freeze a few homemade meals and not so sure how much he will want to eat the next few days. Thanks for the kind words.

[DUgosh]

35. Comfort foods for times like these.

Scrambled eggs with toast, grilled cheese with tomato soup, Mac and cheese, pb&j, cereal. It’ll be okay!

[mia]

6. Relaxing music helps me.

I hope that this will help you to feel better.

[FakeNoose]

12. Nice!

I love this tape even though I'm not experiencing anxiety. This is something I will listen to and enjoy.

Thank you Mia

[samplegirl]

22. Thank you

I will pack my earphones.

[hlthe2b]

7. Your feelings are natural and what I will say may seem unhelpful, but whether through meditation or

prayer (if that is your thing) or deep breathing, long walks, or whatever you do to calm yourself, it is critically important to convey positive feelings and optimism to the patient, your partner. Anxiety has been shown to impact/slow recovery and even add to perceived pain levels post-op. Conversely, those who are able to remain positive and push other feelings aside while remaining calm throughout demonstratively do better.

I understand fully and having undergone ankle surgery myself years ago I can remember how hard this is. Even medical professionals experience it when they are the patient or their loved ones. But, at some point, you have to transfer your trust to your health care team and do everything you can to follow their instructions while remaining an advocate for your husband who you know better than anyone.

There are apps for cellphones that can really be helpful to calm yourself when anxiety becomes overwhelming. This might seem like an overly simplistic suggestion, but it surely can't hurt and you need to take care of yourself too. I can tell you that I use them periodically when frustration/anxiety starts to overwhelm. One such is apple's CALM app that I use in its free version (there is also a paid subscription, but I don't think that is necessary). If interested just search on your app interphase. I'd bet android has something similar.

Best wishes to you, your husband and your family.

[samplegirl]

24. Thank you so much for your suggestions

Let’s hope I can apply all them tomorrow. When I get to stressed I cry... and I don’t want to cry for him. I want to be strong and ready to help learn his exercises and therapy. I will do better once I’m home.

[mysteryowl]

8. Have you tried CBD for both you and your husband?

Truly, supplements help. I have found CBD oil to help me sleep.

[samplegirl]

25. No I have not

I probably should as I wake at a certain time and then I can’t go back to sleep.

[Roy Rolling]

9. Get some sleep!

You'll be stronger after that.

Don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough sh*t of its own to worry about.

Take care of YOURSELF, you are important, too. Caregivers are awesome!

[samplegirl]

26. My mom use to say that

Or she’d tell me not to cross bridges before I get to them. Surgery is tomorrow so I can do whatever I need to do to get ready. Filling gallon ice bags and such.

[Rincewind]

10. He'll be fine

I've had both knees replaced, not at once, but six weeks apart. Listen to the Doctor, do the exercises, and he'll be fine. Have him take the pain pills when and if he needs them, ice the knees down. It might be slow going for a bit, but he'll be better off in the long run. I know several people who have had knees replaced, none have expressed regret.

[mnhtnbb]

11. I had a knee replacement 2 years ago.

Didn't use the ice machine but had 2 (he'd need 4) gel freezable ice packs you can order online and rotate through your freezer. Much easier than dealing with an ice machine.

The pain he has now will be gone. Physical therapy will be tough, but the saying applies, "no pain, no gain". Pushing through it will be rewarded.

It is really important for him to be up and walking every hour. Make sure there are clear paths through your home so he won't stumble getting around. If you have a downstairs bedroom, use it. Negotiating stairs the first few weeks will be hard with both knees replaced. Pushing through PT to get range of motion back will help that a lot.

He needs to do his exercises! Men can be such big babies. Don't coddle him.

Good luck to you both. Be sure to take care of yourself, too, while he is recovering.

[samplegirl]

28. We did downsize

About 3 years ago so we are all on one floor. Open kitchen family room. Also sold my bedroom suit which was high off the ground and bought a platform bed which he can back up to sit on.
My friend said the exercises are the most important of all.
And therapy will come the first few weeks then I will take him.
Thank you for replying I just need some positive support.

[gerryatwork]

13. It will be fine

I’m 71 and ride my bicycle about 100 miles a week, 5000 miles a year. I had a hip replacement 10 years ago. Knees are harder to recover from.

I know someone who had a double knee about 3-4 years ago and within 6 months was riding 30 miles. He was always someone who was slightly overweight and never seriously rode a bike before. I haven’t had contact with him the last few years so don’t know if he is still riding.

Another closer friend who always was a bike rider had a single knee 5 months ago and now is up to riding 60 mile rides with hills. He is 71.

From speaking to these guys the first 3-4 weeks are very difficult. A lot of pain, hard rehab and doubt. But much better after that. If the surgery goes well your husband will be fine.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

14. Change what you can (have surgery), accept what you can't change (results)

... and have the wisdom to know the difference between the two.

You two have made the decision to have the surgery and it is scary. But you are changing what you can by electing surgery. You won't be able to change the result, but you will be able to change (influence) the recovery and progress going forward afterwards.

Also, imagine a bad outcome and what you would have to do and you will find the resilience within yourself.

You two are stronger than you realize and it will turn out better than your worst fears.

[Atticus]

17. That Serenity Prayer has been a part of my life since childhood when my Dad started the

first AA group in our small rural county. I turn to it often in times of stress or despair. It taught a form of "compartmentalization" long before that term became popular.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

18. It's American zen.

I don't think of it as compartmentalization, more a case of integration. For me it is based on acceptance of reality. Reality rules.

In other contexts, forgiveness is important. Sometimes even in situations like this, where forgiving one's own body for being merely human is powerful.

[samplegirl]

33. Your right!

[samplegirl]

36. Thanks dear Atticus

I may have to recite that quietly in my mind a few hundred times the day of surgery.
I just think I had been through so many surgeries with my Mom and Dad before their passing it has made so fearful of surgery.

[samplegirl]

29. Will do our best!

Thank you!

[randr]

15. My wife is about to go through the same surgery

I have also had shoulder work that is rather unpleasant to say the least. Two years ago I severely injured my other shoulder and my surgeon was setting me up for another 6 month medical recovery trial. I discovered CBD oil and with my medical teams ok I began using it with truly incredible results. A damaged shoulder now works better than the rebuilt one with no pain at all. A side effect was that my sleep pattern returned to normal including vivid dream cycles.
Now in regard to my wife's issue with her knees. Her condition is the result of Lymns disease which attacked the bone tissue itself and replacement is unavoidable. Her working on concrete floors in 12 hour shifts as an ER nurse for many years did not help the situation. She began using a CBD product that has significantly reduced her pain while we await decisions regarding surgical procedure and timing.
The surgery your husband is about to have done is highly successful and he will in all likelihood be very happy to have it behind him.
I would encourage you both to explore the potential of CBD therapy as it sounds like you both need some relief.
Good luck with all and be well.

[samplegirl]

31. That was his damage

Standing on concrete floors at his factory job and his families landscape business on his knees. Two jobs most of his life.
Then after his factory job ended at age 55 he was lucky enough to go back a get a CDL And A and got a job with the state plowing.
Hopefully this will fix it and work until he can retire. It’s been a long haul. So wish he could of retired at 62.
It will be tough according to my friend she said but his pain will be gone and he just needs to do the exercises and keep going.

[samplegirl]

34. There are so many

CBD oils and I’ve looked at them better never know which one or what brand or where to buy from.

[tinrobot]

16. They will do the procedure and his pain will be gone. That's why you're going through this.

I've had knee surgery (ACL) and, yes, it can be scary. But being in pain without surgery is even more scary. That's why I had the procedure.

For me, it was well worth it. My knees are better than ever. I ski, ride my bike, backpack and do all sorts of things I wouldn't have been able to do without the procedure.

Surgeons are really good these days. They will do a great job. The recovery can be challenging, but having no pain is a great goal to have. Do all the physical therapy, it is really important. Just keep focused on the reasons why you're going through this and you'll be fine.

[samplegirl]

32. Thank you

For your encouragement!

[Sherman A1]

23. With regards to the knee ice machine

Those things are great. A tip I picked up is to freeze 2-3 of sets of 12oz water bottles (Ice Mountain etc) and use them to keep the water cool. I put in 2 at a time when I was helping my Sister in June this year. Just pop one set in, pull out the melted ones, dry them off and back into the freezer. Be sure to pull off the paper labels if they have any prior to use, so that paper fragments don't clog up the works of the machine.

[FM123]

27. Remember that you have us here on DU, you are not alone & we are rooting for you & hubby.

[Ohiogal]

30. My sister had knee replacement surgery

and she told me she wished she’d had it done way sooner!

I swim at a community pool facility and see and talk to lots of seniors who have had this surgery. I literally have never heard anyone say they had a bad outcome.

Facing surgery is never easy and it’s always the worst the day before when you are full of worry. Please know all of us here at DU will be thinking about the two of you and wishing you a speedy recovery and sending tons of good karma!

[samplegirl]

37. Thank you

Your wonderful!

[InAbLuEsTaTe]

38. So sorry to hear... just try to hang in there. Wishin you all the best.

Bernie/Elizabeth or Elizabeth/Bernie 2020!!
Either way, they're stronger together!!
Welcome to the revolution!!!

[Skittles]

39. we are here for you, samplegirl

every case is different so don't read your friend's comment so literally. He'll be fine, you'll see, and you will both be glad he had it done!

[samplegirl]

40. Thank you

[ChildOfTheFort]

41. Hey SampleGirl

You need to read your own words and see that you are doing this to yourself. There are Probably thousands of surgeries like this being done like this one and think about the kind of mess all of them would be in if every one of them were being bat shit crazy ahead of time. You gave birth to your kids didn't you? And you are here to tell us about it. I am a retired nurse and I have seen this a hundred times. Just lean on What ever gives you the courage to go on, trust in God, or whatever works for you, and hang on tight, because this kind of anxiety isn't getting it done. Bless you sweetie.

[VarryOn]

42. My wife had the same surgery on one knee knowing she'd need to have the right one replaced too.

The first replacement went so well, she was out of the hospital in 3 daysq. She has great employer-based insurance coverage. She gets a home visit from PT and she's already down to only 2 days a week visits. Her pain has been low , and she finds a couple of Tylenol keeps pain acceptible.

The surgirty was Oct 14. Today, the 22, she walked 2 miles.

And here's the bonus,,,,her other leg is improving even though it hasn't been opperated on. And now she thinks she doeant need it. Her dr sakd it happens often, where the 2nd knee gets relief from the first one having eased pressure on the 2nd one.

My wife has become such an advocate on this surgery

[smirkymonkey]

43. I am so sorry for how you are feeling sample girl, but just know that he will be so much

better off after the surgery and you need to take care of yourself right now. I hope you can find some peace for yourself.

My dad had both his knees replaced in his mid-70's and he had a pretty smooth recovery and now feels so much better. It helped that my mother was a retired nursing professor so she could advocate for him, but he came through with flying colors and is so much better now than he was before. Your husband will be out of pain and so much happier as long as he goes through with the physical therapy and has a positive attitude.

I have had a number of orthopedic surgeries myself and was never afraid as I knew that they were necessary to heal. I always came out better and the ice was the most helpful thing for pain. I am allergic to opiate pain meds, so ice and OTC pain meds (ibuprofen, tylenol, etc.) were my only options. The ice was the most comforting for me. I would keep that up as much as possible as it will keep the inflammation down and help ease the pain.

I hope you and your husband get through everything ok. My thoughts and best wishes are with you!

[Fla Dem]

44. Thinking of you. Let us know how everything went.

[royable]

45. How did the surgery go, and how is the recovery going? n/t