This is an ethics discussion. I'd like you to tell me what you

[sinkingfeeling]

think would be proper.

I had 2 packages from Harry & David sent to a townhouse in Raleigh, NC. The total was about $72 worth of cookies and cakes. I sent it to an old friend from my IBM days there. We have continued to send each other Christmas cards and gifts since I moved in 1983. Occassionally we have called or emailed between the holidays.

I received notice that one box was delivered on Dec. 21 and the other 2 days later. Usually, her gift and card would arrive earlier in December, but I really didn't think much about it. When I hadn't gotten an email or card from her by Dec. 26, I tried to phone her, but got no answer. So I turned to Google and found a brief obituary that she had passed away September 2.

I assume that the townhouse is vacant as she lived alone with her little dog. She had a few relatives in New Jersey and a very close friend in Raleigh. Wouldn't you think someone could have returned my Christmas card mailed Dec. 10? If I had discovered the packages I would have returned them as well. What would you have done (again, assuming the friend or relative is keeping eye on the house or it has new owner)?

[msongs]

1. how is this an ethics issue? nt

[sinkingfeeling]

5. I don't believe it is ethical to keep something that wasn't

intended for you when there's a return address.

[Wabbajack_]

2. If I was a relative

Honestly I would have eaten those sweets. Not saying if that is proper or not.

But I would have also mailed you a letter that she had passed away and thanking you for the treats, which I would lie about and say I shared with others.

[Croney]

3. She died three months before you sent the packages.

Someone else lives there now, and they found the boxes at their door and kept them. I guess I might have done the same, because they were perishable items and couldn't easily be returned.

I don't think you could have gotten a refund based on not knowing the recipient was dead. But I'm not sure.

[LakeArenal]

4. Wow... let it go.

You did a nice thing. It was unnoticed by strangers in the middle of their holiday.

Chalk it up to bad timing and move on.

[mnhtnbb]

6. Presumably the USPS will be forwarding her mail

to the executor of her estate. Perhaps you will hear from that person.

FedEx or UPS probably delivered the Harry & David gifts and porch pirates probably enjoyed them. Just consider you brightened someone's holiday, even though it wasn't your friend.

Sorry for the loss of your friend.

[sinkingfeeling]

7. Thanks.

[Fla Dem]

8. If it had been me and there was a return address on the packages

I would have sent the packages back to you. But as they were from H&D, probably with their return address, there would not have been much I could have done, except return them to H&D. Now whether or not they would have notified you is another story.

[samnsara]

9. if it was ups the boxes may still be there out of site..call the townhouse manager..

..have them check and then donate the contents to their common room. Im sorry for the loss of your friend.