New Darwin Awards
(email from my brother)
*Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]
An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend’s windshield,
accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole
in his gut.
>
*Nominee No. 2: [ Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, a mechanic of
Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a
highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the
other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
>
*Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC Awakening to
the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone
but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when
he drew it to his ear.
>
*Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto ] Police said a lawyer demonstrating
the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a
pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police
spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength
of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has
conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports.
Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the
Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members
of the 200-man association. A person has to wonder what the dimmer members
of this law firm are like.
>
*Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird] Michael Anderson Godwin had
spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder
conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set,
he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
>
*Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star] A Dunkirk, IN man, using a
cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader, was killed Monday
night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said.
Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about
11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a .54 caliber
muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter
to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
>
*Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] A man cleaning a bird
feeder on the balcony of his condominium in this Toronto suburb slipped and
fell 23 stories to his death. "Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a
wheelchair when the accident occurred," said Inspector Darcy Honer of the
Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over
the balcony," Honer said.
>
*THE WINNER! [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] Two local men were injured
when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch
on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder
reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of
Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock , were returning to Des
Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole 's
pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the
headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement
fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber rounds or
cartridges from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the
steering-wheel column. Upon inserting a round, the headlights again
began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward
the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just
before crossing the river, the round apparently overheated, discharged
and the bullet of the round struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle
swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole
suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require
extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never
operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated
and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his
balls off, or we might be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10
years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't
believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Poole's wife Lavinia asked how many
frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.
= new reply since forum marked as read
the winner, the frog story, is false, according to Snopes. It's still funny, though. 
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-bullet-fuse/
