JOKES - How do you get a country girls attention?

[underpants]

A tractor

I need some jokes. The cornier and Dad jokey they are the better.

[mahatmakanejeeves]

1. Kornfield Jokes

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Kornfield+Jokes

For example:

Johnny Cash And The Hee Haw Gang On Kornfield Jokes
12,550 views•Sep 19, 2018

When The Cowboy Sings
134K subscribers

Johnny Cash And The Hee Haw Gang Comedy In The Cornfield
Johnny Cash Comedy On Hee Haw
When The Cowboy Sings facebook
https://www.facebook.com/WesternSwing2000/
When The Cowboy Sings website
http://whenthecowboysings.com/

[klook]

2. Definition of asphalt:

A hip ailment!

My Grandaddy told me that one about 50 years ago.

[Orrex]

15. A guy walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm

Read all about it here!

[klook]

16. Bwa-ha-haa!

Timeless humor.

[TlalocW]

3. My favorites

What black and white, and if it falls out of a tree onto you, you'll die?
A piano

What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
OR
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return after you throw it?
A stick.

Why did the dog cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.

TlalocW

[klook]

4. I think the one in this post qualifies also

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212981537#post28 — Post 28 by soldierant in the thread Good news from Utah, in case it doesn’t come up.

[Blues Heron]

5. A skeleton walks into a bar sez gimme a beer

and a mop

[Bob Loblaw]

6. I have a friend who loves monorails

He has a one track mind.

[mokawanis]

7. The guy who invented throat lozenges died

his family has announced there will be no coffin at his funeral.

[maxrandb]

8. Tommy asked his mother

"Mama, where do people come from?"

Mama said; "well Tommy, God created Adam and Eve, they had children, and their children had children and over time, that's where all the people came from"

Tommy then asked his Papa, "Papa, where do people come from"?

Papa said; "Tommy, God created monkeys, and then after millions of years, the monkeys became man and woman and had children, their children had children and that's how all the people were created".

Tommy ran to his Mama crying and said; "why did you lie to me"?

Mama said; "nobody lied to you. I told you about my family, and Papa told you about his".

[underpants]

9. I'm using that

[Alpeduez21]

10. Why do chicken coops have two doors?

If they had four they'd be chicken sedans.

[edbermac]

11. What's black & white, black & white, black & white, and black & white?

A nun falling down a flight of stairs.

[DFW]

12. I heard a gorier version of that

What's green and red and goes 150 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.

[DFW]

13. Corny, you say?

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

That's easy. Nobody has chicken for breakfast.

[kairos12]

14. Here's one:

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!

[Niagara]

17. Corny dad jokes

Q. Why did the bicycle fall over?
A. It was two-tired!

Q. What kind of horses go out after dark?
A. Nightmares!


Q. Two silk worms were in a race. What was the result?
A. A tie!

[underpants]

18. Yes!

[panader0]

19. A true funny story:

Years ago I was sitting in a country style bar called Nick's Place, in Nicksville.
It was a great old bar, gas lighting in the ceiling, pool tables, up against the
Huachuca Mts when fewer people lived there.
A fellow bricklayer and I were having a couple of after work beers when in walk
two very pretty cowgirls, hats and boots, etc. They sat at the bar next to my
friend. He says to me, "I bet a beer I can get these girls to stare at my ass." OK
So he gets up and walks to the bathroom. I watched their faces any neither one
looked. He came out and sat back on the stool and they both began to stare at his
ass and giggle. He had a strip of toilet paper hanging from his pants.
Everyone laughed.