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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsNot to be a wet blanket, but the first Valentine's Day after your SO dies unexpectedly sucks.
I didn't think it would bother me this much because I've never been one to celebrate this particular day much. I'm tempted to buy myself a box of chocolates and eat it but then I'd be sad and nauseous. Meh, I'll muddle through. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer. I sincerely hope you all have a nice day.
All of your hearts helped. Thank you all so much.
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,877 posts)Do whatever makes you feel better. I was never much for V-Day either and now that I'm old and single I'll probably never get another one. But it's way sadder to have lost someone. So go have some chocolate if it helps, and have some for me cuz I'm on a diet. And thanks for all the cute animals; you cheer other people up every day.
Rorey
(8,445 posts)I see them right there on your posts. You've got a whole bunch of Valentines.
And yes, Catbyte is truly a treasure here.
LakeArenal
(28,855 posts)❣️💚💛🥰😍🥰😘💋🍒🍓🍰🍧🥂❤️🧡💛💚💘💖💗💓💞💝💜💕💙💟
Rorey
(8,445 posts)I do appreciate them. I'm just better at giving than receiving.
LakeArenal
(28,855 posts)Rorey
(8,445 posts)Thank you. Now you've gone and guilted me into buying some more.
LakeArenal
(28,855 posts)But thanks. Earl G told me we have till Sunday. I could be buying more myself.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)of a box of chocolates. We'll see how much willpower I have later on in the day. Good luck on your diet. Are you on a particular plan or just watching what you eat? I should lose a few pounds myself. Has your heat been fixed yet? Has your cat come back after abandoning you for the space heater? Well, thank you again, it means a lot to me.
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,877 posts)My diet is Atkins-ish, high protein, minimum carbs, and I WANT ICE CREAM RIGHT NOW ...oh, sorry. But I've lost 13 lbs. so there's some reward. My heat has been restored and the cat is back. Hope your ice cream lifts your spirits.
Sherman A1
(38,958 posts)no matter if they were a big thing to you or not. Maybe a good day for a few chocolates and keeping busy.
Hope it goes well for you, or as well as it can.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.
japple
(9,844 posts)and chocolates. He has been gone for 15 years and I now buy chocolates for myself. Those cocoa dusted Belgian truffles from Aldi are super and very inexpensive. Put a box in the freezer and have one every now and then. If I were you, I would buy myself flowers, especially this year. Happy Valentine's Day, catbyte!
catbyte
(34,467 posts)looking forward to indulging in some Ben & Jerry's later. I hardly ever buy it so this willl be a treat. Thank you so much for your kind words--they mean a lot. Happy Valentine's Day to you, too.
redwitch
(14,948 posts)Your posts always lift me up. I already gave you a ❤️ and am all out so please accept a virtual hug from me. My friends husband died unexpectedly this week and she has been on my mind constantly. I say buy the chocolate! But maybe dont eat it all at once.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)than you know. It's been a rough year, but all of you fantastic people here have made it easier.
Maraya1969
(22,506 posts)catbyte
(34,467 posts)I hope you are having a wonderful day. Thanks again.
Not to be one of those "I know how you feel" people, but I've been through that. My husband (previous to the one I divorced last year) died when he was 38, and I remember that extra dose of loneliness and loss for each holiday, especially that first year.
So I would say to you, don't buy yourself a box of chocolates, unless it's a very small one, but DO treat yourself to something and cherish your good memories while you're indulging. And those tears are very important too.
An acquaintance of mine told me once to treat myself every once in awhile, and it was some of the best advice I've ever gotten. It's been a couple of decades since my guy died, but I still remember that excellent advice, and it helps.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)morning. I appreciate your note so much. Thanks again.
lapfog_1
(29,227 posts)rescue stories and other furry friend funnies...
They inspire me to continue with the rescue work that I do and I'm sure others here on DU look forward to your posts here as I do.
I am so happy that you are here to make our lives a little brighter.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)And thank you for your rescue work. What's that saying? "Rescuing one animal may not change the world, but it completely changes the world of the being you rescued." You do such important work. Thank you and thanks again for your kind words.
Walleye
(31,067 posts)Nobody can carry it alone.
N_E_1 for Tennis
(9,786 posts)Nothing but hugs coming. Hows the heat coming? My brother lives in Minneapolis, if your close Ill call him and see if you could come over.
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,877 posts)and in the meantime, I have a space heater, a warm coat, a cup of hot coffee, and a cat on my lap. Oh, wait, he just got up and moved to sit right next to the space heater. Guess my lap wasn't warm enough for him.
blm
(113,101 posts)You mean a lot to those of us who are grateful daily for your posts.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)Your kind words mean more than you know.
Scotch-Irish
(464 posts)I can well imagine how difficult that would be. Sometimes holidays are just sad. You're not a Debby Downer; you're a softy Sophie.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)Kind thoughts such as yours are making my day so much brighter and I appreciate it more than you know. Thank you again and I hope you're having a wonderful day.
UpInArms
(51,285 posts)I am so sorry, sweet catbyte
A million virtual ((((((((((hugs))))))))) to you
catbyte
(34,467 posts)I hope you're having a wonderful day and thanks again.
wryter2000
(46,083 posts)It will get better.
Please know that you give us all so much joy. Have a few chocolates.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)Thank you for letting me know that you enjoy my posts. They're very therapeutic for me and I'm glad that you like them too. Thanks again, my friend.
Phentex
(16,334 posts)But I can eat a lot without feeling sick.
Hugs to you!
catbyte
(34,467 posts)Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream. I've been telling myself not to finish it in one sitting, but there are no guarantees in life, especially about this.
Thanks so much!
hamsterjill
(15,224 posts)I can't possibly understand your pain, but I hope you will take a minute and re-live some great memories of your SO, and find some comfort from that.
Happy Valentine's Day - and hugs!
catbyte
(34,467 posts)They mean more than you know. I hope you have a great day.
lillypaddle
(9,581 posts)It's still fresh.
I appreciate you and your posts so much. Wish I could some how make you feel better.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)This is the last "first holiday" without him so I'm kind of grateful for that. We never gave Valentine's Day much thought, so it was a surprise that it hit me upside the head so hard. Thank you for letting me know that you enjoy my posts. It really means a lot. I hope you have a wonderful day.
WhiteTara
(29,727 posts)for a long time. When you love someone, you don't ever unlove them and he will remain in your heart forever.
Om Mani Padme Hum
catbyte
(34,467 posts)My reaction today was a real surprise because I've never really given a rip about Valentine's Day. But you can't control grief so I'm just going with it. The pint of Ben & Jerry's I bought will help. Thank you so much for your message. It truly helps.
Jane Austin
(9,199 posts)are the ones that get me.
They make me feel really alone.
central scrutinizer
(11,662 posts)Three years ago today, mrs. scrutinizer was two weeks away from dying of pancreatic cancer. She was literally skin and bones and rarely lucid. Then it was just another day of care giving and didn't register. After she passed, every anniversary was painful but it has lessened over time. I will go to her grave today and see if the crocus bulbs I planted last fall have bloomed. I found the grief support group that the hospice ran to be very helpful.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)"firsts" are after losing a loved one. This is the last "first" so I'm grateful for that. My new normal has been an adjustment but I'm dealing with it. Thanks again and take care.
emulatorloo
(44,192 posts)catbyte
(34,467 posts)Your message means more than you know. Thanks again.
tblue37
(65,490 posts)the upset stomach.
I am sorry for your loss. Remember, you are well loved here on DU.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie, but I promised myself not to eat it all in one sitting. Thanks so much.
mnhtnbb
(31,407 posts)Anniversaries and holidays are really tough after losing a partner or a child or a parent or a friend who meant the world to you.
You do know that you mean the world to us animal lovers here on DU? We love your videos and photos and stories.
Hugs from Snowy and me.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)Your message brought me to tears. This is the last "first" holiday without him, so at least there aren't any more gut-punching firsts. Like I said, my emotions knocked me for a loop today because I've never really given a crap about Valentine's Day. But grief is a funny thing. Thank you again for your post. It means the world to me. Hugs to you and Snowy!
Squinch
(51,025 posts)catbyte
(34,467 posts)I'm so glad you enjoy them, too. I hope you're having a great day. Thank you again.
revolutionbrees
(39 posts)Hubby had a malignant tumor removed this summer, blood loss led to him going into aFib for which he has had several procedures, but is finally on the mend. Just thinking what may have been sent me into a funk, but seeing him smile made me realize how lucky I truly am.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)important in life. I hope you two have a wonderful day together and I wish him well.
revolutionbrees
(39 posts)brush
(53,918 posts)memories in time though.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)is always there, as you know. Thanks so much and I hope you have a good day, too.
Bayard
(22,172 posts)I'm so sorry. Holidays can be really tough when you spend them thinking of lost loved ones.
You have us. We all love you, and your posts are always a bright spot for me.
Buy those chocolates and flowers! You deserve it.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)I guess you never know when grief will bubble up. Thanks so much.
Runningdawg
(4,526 posts)Buy the chocolates and send yourself flowers too.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)13. We'd spent a wonderful day with her. We lived about 20 miles away. When we got home, the phone was ringing when we walked in the door. I've hated New Year's ever since. I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie, but I promised myself not to finish it in one sitting. Take care and thank you.
plcdude
(5,311 posts)To think back on all those good and happy times you shared and celebrate them.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)redqueen
(115,103 posts)TDale313
(7,820 posts)All the firsts without them that first year suck ☹️ Sending lots of good thoughts your way ♥️
Lefta Dissenter
(6,622 posts)Im so terribly sorry for your heartache. Youve provided so many smiles (sometimes through a few tears) for each of us. Hopefully you can feel all of the hugs and love coming your way today.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
(and the ice cream was an excellent idea!)😍
samplegirl
(11,504 posts)I hope you know we all care.
SWBTATTReg
(22,174 posts)energy to wish all of us a nice day, especially after this unexpected loss.
You are a class act and I truly admire you. My best to you, and darn it, have a chocolate, spoil yourself, I think perhaps your other half would want you to still live life to the fullest, and enjoy it.
I've already told my SO this, many times, that if something should happen to me, to still go out there, and enjoy life, to actually perhaps remember me in a manner of speaking.
With blessings to you on this day.
Fresh_Start
(11,330 posts)our family has completely expected losses the last two years.. so we've been making the effort to connect more because the time together is even more precious after the loss. I'm hoping you too have people you can turn to for support because support makes a difference.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)I know.
Its the same for me about my son. :
catbyte
(34,467 posts)keep plugging along because that's all we can do. Thank you for your kind words and take care.
Fla Dem
(23,768 posts)Just remember they are always with you in your heart and soul and in your memories. Celebrate their life.
Dale Neiburg
(698 posts)So I had nearly a year before Valentine's Day. But yes, it was tough even so.
The hardest was something I wouldn't have suspected. She loved clementines (like mandarin oranges -- in fact, for all I know they may be the same thing) so every year when they appeared in the stores I'd buy her a little box of about 2 pounds. The first clementine season after her death I saw the display in the market and almost broke down sobbing because I didn't have anyone to buy them for anymore. But I play in an early music group with three others (who all knew Chris), and at the suggestion of one of them I've given the other three a box every year in her memory.
In a session for surviving spouses, the social worker at the hospice warned that we would never be quite the same person again, and she was right. But it does get easier with time. Best wishes for healing.
KY_EnviroGuy
(14,495 posts)My wife of 54 years passed last fall, so this day seems cold - emotionally as well as the weather here.
My only savior is my sweet daughter and granddaughter that I can spoil a little next time I see them.
Your many critter posts are one of several things that's helped to carry me through these blue months and damned cold winter, and I thank you........
Hang in there......we be tough Democrats......
catbyte
(34,467 posts)ease your grief and I'm brought to tears knowing that my posts have helped you. It's a form of therapy for me. It's the coldest day of the year here in Michigan so it's the perfect metaphor for the day. I'm doing okay, and your post definitely helps. Thank you again and pretty soon it'll be February 15.
KY_EnviroGuy
(14,495 posts)when it rains, it pours. He just got word yesterday on of his childhood friends died from a drug OD, a girl of a family from TN that have been family friends for many years. We've had quite a challenge since last fall to support each other and thank goodness he's back in college after his mother's death (they were very close).
My first trip up North was to Michigan in the early 70s not long after I moved here from TN and it was to Kalamazoo at the university in the dead of winter. I 'bout froze to death, as this southern boy didn't know how to dress and the streets had a long-term snow pack. I was grateful to have someone from the school drive me around during my visit.
We've had a relatively mild winter this year but it ain't over.
Thanks again for your kind words and understanding.......
Response to catbyte (Original post)
msdogi This message was self-deleted by its author.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Thank you for being here...I always get a smile from your posts! ❤️
Skittles
(153,208 posts)so sorry my sweet
a beloved coworker of mine died in January - I sent flowers to the out of town funeral but this week I wrote a long letter to his wife, letting her know what he had meant to us at work. I am hoping she received it today.
emmaverybo
(8,144 posts)picturesall the time, with such focus, energy, and dedication that I hope today you do what makes you feel any better, just to get through this moment, and that you feel your love near you, always in your heart. ❤️ Emma
PS your posts are one of my tools, often bringing tears and smiles as I find that, despite losses, the world can still be beautiful, animals frolic, love win out, our precious creatures find human kindness, and yes, there are happy endings. Thank you.
catbyte
(34,467 posts)Your post brought me to tears. I got through the day and even managed to eat less than 1/2 of the pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream I bought. Life's little victories. Again, thank you so much for your note. It means more than you can imagine.
Frustratedlady
(16,254 posts)Twenty one years and all holidays are no longer what they used to be. It wasn't the gifts, it was the sharing.
spinbaby
(15,090 posts)...and the third and the fourth. We used to always go out for dinner the day after because that was my birthday and restaurants were less crowded. Afterwards we always went to the car wash for some reasonprobably because it was next door to our favorite restaurant, but it got to be a tradition.
MerryBlooms
(11,773 posts)I'm not sure what year it was, but finally, I noticed I was looking back through happy lenses and not mourning lenses. I was talking about my husband with laughter instead of tears, that was a big deal.
If not chocolates, some other nice self care treat... Maybe a small potted plant or movie? I think probably the nicest gift we can give ourselves is to treat ourselves with the same empathy as we would extend to others.
Take care, hope you're doing okay.