Best thing you did while under the influence...

[WCGreen]

There was a time in the not so distant past, that telephones were anchored into a wall...

This story takes place in that far far away land of primitive technology.

Well, I was with some friends and a few people I didn't know all that much.

Well we had a whole bunch of "pot", I mean a lot of pot.

So we were all sitting around listening to Pink Floyd, it was the thing to do back then, we only had radios and these things they called record players. We had to, get this, listen to music and not watch it....

Anyway, there was a bunch of pot there and a few scary guys up from the country to buy some pot.

So out of the blue, I got this idea to call the cops and yell, "we're stoned and you can't find us" and swiftly slam the receiver back into the cradle.

More than half the people cracked up but a few of the folks there got all upset...

Anyway, whenever I run into one of those guys, decades later, they still crack up about the time Green called the cops and said you can't find us...

[ohiosmith]

1. While on acid, I discovered the secrets of the universe.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Damn, I got nothing!

But your story is freaking hilarious!

[Joe Shlabotnik]

3. who would of thought that cutting up a 1 lb brick of hash would be so difficult...

Once, as teenagers we dropped some really good acid one night, and then were asked out of blue by our friends step-mother (YES STEPMOTHER!) to cut up and weigh a lb of hash. We ate and smoked so much free hash that night, and then spent much of the night following the lights of a ship on the the lake, that we were convinced was actually floating in the neighbouring peach orchard. We had no concept of weights and measures, no manual dexterity, little physical coordination, and our bellies were aching from hours of nonstop giggling and laughing fits. We ate a lot of peaches too. I don't think there was much profit margin left from that lb of hash by the time we were done with it.

[kwassa]

4. I went to the art museum

the influence was LSD.

Did you know that fine art MOVES? the paintings, the sculptures.

I was staring at a Spanish minature painting of a seaport. The ships were bouncing on the waves, the longshoreman were moving cargo down the docks, birds were flying in the skies ..... I must have stared at that painting for half an hour.

[mysuzuki2]

5. I made it home alive.

Even though the trees were bending down and trying to grab me as I drove doen the street. This was in 1967. Damn trees!

[WCGreen]

6. One night, it was raining and it was really light out...

Early winter so there was snow on the ground to reflect the light back into the clouds and bounced back again.

We were out on some fairly benign lsd and the oak twirlers were still flying around.

for some reason they started to look like bi planes from WW1 and then they were shooting at us....

We were laughing so hard...

[MiddleFingerMom]

12. Not under the influence... but kinda "under-the-influence behavior".

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One night, our lead guitarist woke me up by POUNDING on my front door at
about 3 AM and simply commanded that I get dressed and come with him --
we were going to have "a BLAST".
.
I trusted him. This guy KNEW how to have fun.
.
It had started snowing the night before and there was an unexpected 6 inches or so
of fresh snow on the ground.
.
He drove me to a nearby shopping mall with its ENORMOUS parking lot covered in
pristine, untouched (as yet, MUAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!) snow.
.
We took turns doing the most outrageous 1, 2, 5 and more 360-degree donuts for
well over an hour, laughing uproariously the entire time.
.
Both completely sober, we figured if the cops HAD come, they would have just told
us to grow up and go home.
.
And then turned donuts in their patrol car after we left.
.
.
.

[WCGreen]

19. That sounds like a lot of fun....

with no hangover to deal with...

[frogmarch]

7. won a limbo contest on my 21st birthday

I made it down so far under that broom that I stepped on my hair, which was short.

I was drunk for the first time in my life. I threw up a lot after I won.

[WCGreen]

8. Oh yea....

[MiddleFingerMom]

9. I did quite a lot of offduty emergency work as a medic in Germany in the Army (there was...

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... a LOT of drugs and violence at the time).
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.
.
One night at closing time in the Enlisted Man's Club, I was sitting at the bar shitfaced
when a man returned from dropping off his GF, walked back to the table where they
and his buddy (who was still there, lightly dozing) had been sitting, and PUNCHED his
buddy in the face for having come on to his GF earlier. The buddy jumped up (I'm
positive he was pretty clueless as to what was going on, except that he was being
attacked), grabbed a beer bottle from the table and swung it at the first man's head.
.
On the upswing, the bottle hit the table edge and shattered. The long shard of glass
still held by the man slashed the other man's throat. I yelled at the bartender for clean
towels and applied pressure to the wound. I yelled at a friend to bring his truck to the
front door, yelled at others (I did a lotta yelling that night) to help carry him downstairs
and throw him (and me... I couldn't let go) in the back, and yelled at the driver to go
FASTER FASTER to the ER.
.
We made it. Though he bled more than anyone I had ever seen before or since, the
bottle had missed the carotid and jugular (or he probably would have died on the spot)...
although it took more than 150 stitches to close the wound.
.
The ER staff told me later that, less than 10 minutes after turning him over to them, I
had passed out cold in one of their chairs.
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Autopilot treated me well in those days.
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[RZM]

10. I think I said something funny once

Or maybe not

[XemaSab]

11. Posted on DU

[bluesbassman]

13. My buddy and I were driving down the road in his '55 Chevy.

We were well baked and sitting pretty low in the seats. We were coming up fast on the street that led to my house when I casually said; "hey Johnny, you gotta turn right man". Well by that time we were almost at the street, and Johnny cranked that big steering wheel right, but forgot to let up on the gas. About half way through the turn the two passenger side tires came up off the ground and we went through the rest of the turn on two wheels until Johnny brought the wheels back straight and the car slammed back down on the ground.

Through the entire turn both of us just sat there as calm as could be, and after we had landed and were headed up the street, we both slowly turned our heads and looked at each other through slitted eyes, grinned and let out a little "heh,heh" chuckle and kept on going.

[turtlerescue1]

14. These make mine look sad.

We had gotten some good Columbian, and using an electric pipe...and got the munchies.

My turn to drive, before we got to the the El Camino Real, a squad pulled in behind me.
I KNEW there was a stop sign at the next intersection, not that there was any paranoia, but the three of us were terrified I'ld forget and run it. So about half a block before it, cooly put on my brakes and stopped for it.

Cop blew by us.


to this day it makes my eyes red just thinking about it.

[benld74]

15. Attended pro hockey game while on white crosses

s-l-o-w-e-s-t hockey game I EVER saw!

[HopeHoops]

16. Threw up in a washing machine and got dumped on the grass somewhere near my house.

That was like '79 or so while I was in high school.

Well, there was also the time I was talking about whiskey bongs and they gave me a party bowl (Illinois, '85) in a bong filled with whiskey. I sucked the entire thing back and everyone was staring at me. For about two hours, the only one who understood me was the cat.

On Edit: The people I met in Illinois considered a party bong to be a three trip sharesy sort of deal and everyone got "wasted" with about small puff of smoke. Wimps.

[WCGreen]

17. At a dorm at Ohio State they were making everyone who came in to do a shot of Tequlla

Well I said, no, I'm too drunk but they said no no no, you have to take a shot so I did, turned around and walked into the laudry room and ralphed into someones laundry... I felt it was their fault for doing wash at 1:00 on a saturday morning at one of the towers dorms behind the Stadium...

Anyway, I went back into the dorm quad and had a few more beers and some bongs before I passed out...

[Major Nikon]

21. Sounds at least as safe as filling one with gasoline

[HopeHoops]

33. Maybe a WEE bit safer.

[davsand]

27. Hon, you were most certainly not running in my crowd based on your description.

Maybe it was because we were "local talent" that also went to the U of I, but the folks I ran with were some serious consumers. Moderation was one of our least favorite words right along with sobriety and chastity. I had no idea just how much of a tolerance I had developed until I went to Chicago for a weekend. It was a painful to finally realize I was no longer a "cheap date" and had crossed over into the "walking liver" category...

I'm not sure I'd still be alive had I continued at that pace.




Laura

[HopeHoops]

34. That was early in my "career".

[Kali]

18. uh uh uh uh huh huh huh

[Major Nikon]

20. Conceived at least two children

[Chan790]

22. 1/3 of our sister sorority.

There were only 11 of them, they were going through a rough patch recruiting and keeping members. Anyways, I was drunk and my fraternity brother was legendary (like the dentist in MASH (The movie, not the show))...I'm drunk enough that I lost any inhibition whatsoever and simply said "Hey why don't the four of you and the two of us come back to the (Greek letters) house."

I wasn't expecting an "Awesome"

Unfortunately, I was so shitfaced that I have no recollection of anything until I wake up the next morning on a full-sized and a queen-sized bed pushed together in a bedroom that wasn't mine (I lived in the dorms, I was an RA.), one of a half-dozen naked people sharing a bed and using each others' random appendages as pillows. I'm assuming I had a good time.

[MiddleFingerMom]

23. That was YOU?!?!?!?

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I hope you 'recollect" the oath of silence we took that morning.
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For obvious reasons, I'm PM'ing this instead of posting it.
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[MiddleFingerMom]

24. Oops.

[Initech]

25. So I have this friend - let's call him "D".

And what you need to know about D is that he's quite possibly one of the most recklessly impulsive human beings alive. Many of my craziest stories involve me, D, and lots and lots of beer in some way, shape or form.

So one night we go to Medieval Times after his brother gets back from serving in Iraq for the last time. After the show we are hanging out in the lobby and he goes into the gift shop to purchase - I shit you not - $4,000 worth of swords. And after that my lady friend V is trying to convince the bartender that since he bought that much crap from the gift shop that we should at least get some free drinks out of it.

Another that involves D - we're hanging out at a friends' house and getting ready to go to the pier. D is hanging out with us and he goes into the liquor store across the street from where my friends live and buys 250 $1 lottery scratchers. So after we spent the better part of an hour trying to convince D to go with us, he's just like "Oh I'm gonna stay here and do these." We go to the pier, go bar hopping, we get back three hours later - D has a massive pile of spent scratchers and a huge mound of dust that's at least a foot high, and he's like "Oh I've still got 10 left."

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

26. Some jazz musicians and I sat in with a friend of ours

He was a keyboard player doing a gig with a cute girl singer that involved nothing but cheesy pop tunes at a pretty constipated dinner club. We had partaken quite a bit and we started modifying all the pop tunes, playing everything in minor keys or mixing one tune with another in polyphony and eventually starting playing jazz tunes like Freedom Jazz Dance and playing them very "outside". The conservative diners stopped dancing and just looked at us with open mouths. It went on all evening. Anyone who looked at us and listened to us could tell we had penetrated into deep space.

[madamesilverspurs]

28. Waaaay back --

Was living in Hermosa Beach, and we'd been smoking weed and drinking Red Mountain wine all day. Friend came by and said there was this really groovy new movie with a midnight showing. So we piled into his car for the drive up to Hollywood, more wine and weed during the drive. By the time we got to the theater the only seats left were in the front row. Not too bad until the last thirty minutes of "2001". Years later, that was the first movie I ever rented. To my mixed relief and consternation, not being trashed didn't help me understand the thing. But the effects at the end are far more enjoyable from across the room.

=

[WCGreen]

30. It was on the Encore channel today, I believe....

I remember watching that movie totally baked. Back then you could smoke in theaters so we would take in a few doobies to mingle in with the regular smokes an most of the time got away with it...

There were three of us and it was a midnight showing. We were so baked that I don't think we turned away from the screen more than a second or two to grab a sip of smuggled in beer or light up a doob or a smoke...

Great stuff, that movie...

[csziggy]

29. Watched an entire movie in my head

Set to the music of Uriah Heep. It was beautiful - someday I should write down the plot and do the story boards. Too bad if the real thing were every made it would never be as good as the one I watched in my head that night.

Those were some goooooood drugs!

[WCGreen]

31. Uriah Heep...

Saw twice back in the 70's.

This one bill opened up with ZZ Top, then Earth Wind and fire and then UH.

this was the first time ZZ played in Cleveland so it was maybe 72...

[Honeycombe8]

32. Nothing. But I didn't have any problem with stress. That's because I wasn't

striving for anything....I was busy doing drugs.

[era veteran]

35. Army on LSD

Shot tanks at night while enjoying LSD 25 from our pals at the SANDOZ Lab.
An unofficial test, passed, did not miss. Nice splashes.

[sarge43]

36. I didn't get caught. n/t