"Walgreens Introduces New Dumbass-Only Shopping Hours For Dipshits Who Don't Know How To Stay

[smirkymonkey]

6 Feet Away"



DEERFIELD, IL—In an effort to better protect all customers during the Covid-19 pandemic, retail pharmacy chain Walgreens introduced new dumbass-only shopping hours Thursday for dipshits who don’t know how to stay 6 goddamn feet away. “We want everyone to feel safe while shopping at Walgreens, so from now on, we’re reserving every morning from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m. for fuckwits who lack the common sense not to get right up behind a stranger and breathe into their ear,” said CEO Stefano Pessina, who noted that the research shows the dipshit population is at particularly high risk of being infected, and encouraged any non-distancing moron interested in contracting or spreading the virus to take advantage of these special time slots.

“If you want to pass someone but can’t process the idea of using another aisle or waiting for two fucking seconds, then come on in. Slobbering dolts incapable of following simple CDC guidelines can feel free to lumber around our aisles coughing all over the frozen corn dogs and touching their dumb fucking faces at these times. We’ve prepared our stores by marking out the checkout lanes in 6-foot increments for shit-for-brains to blow straight through. Help yourself to any merchandise you like, because our sales associates won’t be sticking around.” At press time, Pessina added that if any knuckle-dragging dumbfucks wanted to die in their stores, then that’s fine too.

https://www.theonion.com/walgreens-introduces-new-dumbass-only-shopping-hours-fo-1842779060

[SheltieLover]

1. 😱

TY!

[Midnight Writer]

2. Good idea. My experience in shopping has been that just a few dumbasses screw it all up.

In fact, this would be a good idea after the crisis.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

3. In the past few days, when I've gone into a store, people have been

extremely good about observing social distance. It does help that everywhere now there are markers on the floor to show how far apart we need to be. I'm in Santa Fe, NM, for what that is worth.

I went to the grocery store about four days ago, and earlier today to the post office. Some people were wearing masks. As were all of the P.O. employees, but not all of the grocery store ones.

Yesterday my neighbor stopped by to see if I needed him to pick up anything for me, and to make sure I had his phone number. It felt strange to talk to him only through the door, and not a lot closer, In other circumstances (depending on the conversation) we might well have hugged.

I've been going for walks in my neighborhood, and some days neighbors are outside. I stay well apart and wave or perhaps chat a bit. I think when all of this is over I'm going to try to organize a block party, or at least invite neighbors to stop by my place for drinks and snacks.

It's possible that in the long run we will end up being far more connected to each other than we are now.

[BigmanPigman]

4. Why are these special hours being advertised to benefit seniors?

I have heard ads on TV (MSNBC and CNN stations) that the pharmacies, not just Walgreens, are being especially kind and considerate by allowing seniors special, less crowded shopping hours like your post says. I assumed the stores were giving only those who are at-risk a safer, easier shopping experience.

[smirkymonkey]

5. Well, the article I posted was from The Onion, so it was kind of a parody of special senior

hours, except for clueless people who don't keep their distance when shopping.

However, most seniors are at risk and if they do catch it are more likely to get very sick and/or die from it. Younger people tend to be more careless about exposing themselves so it's probably to give seniors a safe space where they can go without having to be exposed to people who may not be as cautious as they are.

[DinahMoeHum]

8. Because the stores are deep-sanitized and re-stocked overnight. . .

. . .giving seniors a better chance to 1) avoid the disease and 2) get what they need/want by being the first into the stores.

That's my thought, anyway.





#newrostrong

[BigmanPigman]

9. That is a good thing, right?

Why is The Onion making it out to be bad or turning it into a so-called humorous story? I think this is a good thing that Walgreens and other pharmacies are doing, am I missing the humorous aspect of the article? Am I getting grumpy during the lockdown?

[DinahMoeHum]

10. I dunno, even The Onion misfires in its satire sometimes. . .

. . .just sayin'






#newrostrong

[llmart]

6. We need this at my local Kroger store.

I went to the Kroger near me today and for several weeks now they have had tape and arrows on every aisle floor. There's a huge red sign on the floor at the end of every other aisle with a huge STOP sign and it says "One Way Only" and "Do Not Enter" and huge red arrows going the opposite way. The next aisle will have a big green sign and green arrows on the floor. I estimated that approximately every third or fourth person (it wasn't too busy when I went) was going the wrong way down the aisle. I actually couldn't believe how stupid they all were. Now, I have pretty bad eyesight but even I saw these. I know I gave a few of them dirty looks but I really wanted to say something to them like, "Excuse me, but you are going the wrong way." But I didn't. There were the Kroger employees who do the shopping for customer pickups with their large carts and I wonder why they haven't been instructed to tell people who are going the wrong way about the arrows.

I thought it was a pretty good idea that they had there to keep only one side of each aisle with people on it. The concept is good but apparently there are quite a few idiots in my neck of the woods.

[BigmanPigman]

11. There are quite a few idiots in the US, not just in your neck of the

woods. I went out 10 days ago and people in Southern CA were still not wearing masks and I had to tell several other people (like my mask and gloves were worn for the fun of it, I suppose) around me in line to "FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS AND STAND WHERE IT SAYS TO ON THAT BIG SIGN ON THE FLOOR THAT YOU ARE IGNORING!!!".

Many more idiotic, fucking morons will continue to kill the rest of us in the months and months ahead. I feel like I am standing in front of a room of 1st graders again except my first graders listened better and had more common sense apparently.

[llmart]

12. Oh, I agree with you on that.

The difference nowadays is that the idiots think they're smart. Back in my day the dumb people sort of knew they were dumb and would let the smart people make the decisions and run the country.

I think next time I'm in the store and I see that I'm going to say something. I'll keep it civil and will just point to the huge arrows and signs on the floor and say, "Maybe you haven't noticed these, but could you please follow the arrows?"

[BigmanPigman]

13. Be prepared to get a few dirty looks when you

remind people to follow the directions. They do not like it when others can see how stupid and/or obnoxious they are being. I don't care, this is about health and overall responsibility. Some people, besides Lump that is, need to grow up.

[llmart]

14. Won't bother me one bit if I get dirty looks.

I've never been a person who cares about what others think. I sort of march to my own drummer. I especially don't care what someone thinks who is either dumb and/or inconsiderate, so there's that too.

[BigmanPigman]

15. You're my kind of person!

[llmart]

16. Ha!

I will always be grateful to my parents for the lessons they taught me about being myself, thinking for myself, not following the crowd, etc. They had their share of faults in the parenting department but they did instill some admirable qualities in their seven children.

A neighbor who has become a good friend has called me "unique". LOL She also said she's never met anyone like me before. I took that as a compliment.

[imavoter]

7. why I dont go out n/t