I could use a sanity check here, folks

[mreilly]

In summary: is it creepy to drop a college acquaintance a line 20+ years later via Facebook to say hello?

Details: I'm a married father of 3 kids who studied journalism in college 20 years ago. I've been following an international news site and recognize one of the reporters as a girl I was acquainted with at the same college (we did some work together on a project).

Since I'm also interested in writing and journalism I'd like to drop her a line to say hello and maybe share some info about writing. In this day and age everyone is connecting socially, and she was someone I knew, albeit 2+ decades ago. On the other hand, it may seem weird to her to get a message from someone from so far in the past.

I am NOT trying to connect in order to do anything sneaky here. I'm happily married and her profile on this site indicates the same. Zero interest in doing anything untoward (and I would tell my wife "Hey, I dropped this reporter a line to say hi and get in touch since I remembered her from college.&quot I would simply like to reconnect with my college associates and expand my circle of professionals in the realm of writing; this former classmate of mine seems particularly adept in the art.

Appropriate or not? Also please note this is NOT one of those scenarios where I'm going to do what I please and am just asking the crowd hoping for affirmation to go ahead.

Thanks

[Chan790]

1. I think it's acceptable.

You're seeking professional contacts...if you have Linked-in that might be a better social network to look her up on but Facebook is fine too.

I don't think it's inappropriate at-all.

[Arkansas Granny]

2. First of all, you may be in the wrong place to have your sanity checked.

However, that being said, I see nothing inappropriate in you making contact with your former classmate.

[struggle4progress]

17. +

[fizzgig]

3. i agree with chan

contacting her for professional reasons is appropriate, it never hurts to network

[marzipanni]

4. I thought that was one of the purposes of Facebook!

I have sent and received via facebook message from people (not on their wall- just between the other person and me) after a big gap of time since we last communicated. It's fun!
If she is in the public eye she probably hears from people she doesn't know all, so an old college acquaintance would be a pleasant surprise. She'll be able to see from your page that you have a wife and kids- not like an old bachelor seeking a long lost crush
which might be somewhat daunting.

[RebelOne]

5. Go for it! Nothing wrong in my opinion. n/t

[mreilly]

6. Thanks, all

LinkedIn would be easier but I like Facebook better as an avenue for contact since the social environment is more encouraging.

My concerns here are simply that I'm a guy, she's a woman and I don't want her to think I'm hitting on her (something makes me think women in the public eye must get that a lot; I could be wrong).

When I say we were acquaintances, it means just that - I didn't know her for four years, but rather the course of a semester. I remembered her since we had the same career interests, but have no guarantee she remembers me. My memory of my college days is vivid but hers may not be as such so I don't want to be the cause of any concern that this is some kind of hoax or scam. I especially don't want her to worry I've waited 20 years and never stopped looking for her or some such melodramatic movie plot... sounds from what you guys have said that I may be overreacting in my concerns; worst that can happen is nothing at all, I suppose.

[TrogL]

8. LinkedIn would be more professional

[Gidney N Cloyd]

7. Attach a family picture of you, your wife, and the kids to any message.

(I don't use facebook so I'm really thinking in terms of email-- so sorry if that's not technically possible.) This will tell her you're not a stalker and if your wife sees it, she'll be more comfortable with it, too.

[OriginalGeek]

9. Nothing wrong with that at all

In fact, I'm not convinced you have to be only seeking professional contact. I was on facebook just yesterday talking with a friend of mine from high school and noticed a name on his friends list that I thought I recognized. She was a girl I was in Jr High choir with and later worked at one of my first high school jobs with her brother so I dropped her a note to say hi and ask after her and her family. It was 30+ years ago I knew her so I'm not even sure she'll remember me but I would hope her brother does - we had a lot of fun working at that BBQ restaurant.

[bluedigger]

10. It's perfectly okay.

Your motivation is aboveboard. She may have no interest in you, but let her decide that. Would you have any reservations if it were a former male classmate?

[LoveMyCali]

11. I don't see anything wrong with it at all

I was thrilled to be contacted by several of my college classmates (from about 30 years ago, how did that happen?) and I've even been able to meet up with a couple of them in the past year as a direct result of contact through facebook.

[lunatica]

12. Talk it over with your wife, not us.

Especially when you're asking about the possible creepy qualities you think other people might bring into this.

I would think the opinion you respect the most comes from your wife, no?

[pipi_k]

13. Twenty years...how about

almost 40 years?

A little over a year ago I reconnected (on Facebook) with a guy friend I knew from HS and hung around with. We saw each other a few times while I was married to hubby #1, then we lost touch.

I live in Mass, he lives in NC. We are both married. He came up this way twice to see his mom who is in a nursing home...and he came to visit me here at home, once when Mr Pipi was here, and the second time when he wasn't (although Mr P knew about it and my friend brought his grown son with him).

As long as your motives are pure, I don't see a problem.

[nolabear]

14. Happens all the time.

Near as I can tell it's one of the attractions of Facebook. People look up old friends and acquaintances and compare notes. Be courteous and careful at first and if she goes beyond the boundaries that will be good for you don't go there. But sure, why not?

[FloridaJudy]

15. Not creepy at all

Unless you're trying to hit on her.

I just sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who took me to the HS prom. It wasn't for romantic reasons: I just remembered him as one of the smartest, funniest guys I'd ever met. I was a little concerned that his public Facebook page dwelled quite a bit on how much God loves you...then I checked out his wife's. Holy catfish! That woman is so left wing she makes me look like a moderate.

Things that make me go "huh?" That's got to be one interesting marriage. At this point, she looks more like a potential friend than he does.

[Angleae]

16. You're expecting sanity here?

This is the lounge. Sanity is what you make of it.

[HopeHoops]

18. Two of my high school girlfriends ('79) are Facebook friends.

There are a lot of others from high school and college, some of whom were former partners. It's a good way to make contact, but I don't log in very often.