I need one of these signs

[Wicked Blue]

[OAITW r.2.0]

1. Payable in cash, upfront.

You want 5 minutes? Cost you $100.00. No negotiations. LOL.

[Trueblue Texan]

2. this reminds me of my "Witness Protection" sign...

...I used to hang outside the front door when my kids were growing up. I got fed up with evangelicals and Jehovah Witnesses proselytizing to my children when I wasn't home or when the kids were out in public like the mall or the library. I put a sign up by the door that basically told them we had heard all their witness bullshit already and they were not welcome to share it with us again and if that's what they were there for, to just turn around and go on to the next address. No one ever stopped to witness at my house again. Very effective.

[Blue Owl]

3. K&R

[hlthe2b]

4. Love it!

[drmeow]

5. I once lectured a pair of (if I remember correctly) Mormons

about how it was insulting (among other things) for them basically come to my door to tell me that I was wrong and they were right. The older/more senior of the two kept a serene slightly smug look on her face the whole time (I could see her thinking to her self "but its true) until I said "and its not very Christian of you, either." The flash of rage her eyes was well worth having opened the door in the first place! Deeply satisfying!

[AZ8theist]

14. We used to get Mormons all the time....

We have a "NO SOLICITING" sign above the doorbell. They always claimed "We aren't soliciting"

I finally got rid of them permanently by explaining to them how they've been LIED TO their entire lives by their parents and clergy.

Believe me, as an atheist, I can counter ANY ARGUMENT they put forward. They finally left in frustration and never came back.

[PoliticAverse]

6. "Materials: Arylic, Wood, Paint, Stain, Snark"

https://www.etsy.com/listing/719370084/welcome-solicitor-sign

Many versions...
https://www.etsy.com/search?q=welcome%20solicitors%20sign

[Wicked Blue]

7. Nice! nt

[soldierant]

18. I need one that says "Leaving literature is soliciting.

The charge for that is $100.00 per flyer. Please fasten the currency securely to the flyer."

[PoliticAverse]

20. When I lived in New York City there were so many takeout restaraunts in some areas...

that would leave takeout menu flyers outside people's doors that "no menus" was a very popular door sign.

[BigmanPigman]

8. Too bad they don't have that for the hundreds of robot calls I get each week.

[Mickju]

9. Good God, yes!

I would love something like that.

[birdographer]

11. OMG please

It doesn't even make sense to bother blocking them since they pick the numbers out of the white pages and so you would have to block basically every number in the country. Did you see the Letterman interview where he talked about bantering with them? He says his name is Larry and he plays along until they ask for a credit card number. Since he had no idea how many numbers were in a credit card, he starts with 6 numbers. Someone in the background says "We need more numbers" so he adds more. And they hang up on him. It was a funny interview. I'm pretty sure it was on a Kimmel.

[BigmanPigman]

17. I may try that but I probably would

screw it up either laugh or yell at them.

[Collimator]

10. Couple of thoughts here. . .

One, I have always been tempted to answer the door to the religious sorts while holding a bloody knife in my hand. (Friend even gave me some fake blood.)

"What do you want? I was right in the middle of a ritual! That goat ain't gonna sacrifice itself!"

Two, I thought of having my own little tracts/leaflets printed up. One would simply read: "You're practicing the wrong religion." One other was inspired by the appallingly youthful Mormon fellows who came to my door and announced themselves as "Elder" So-and-So.

"Hey, baby-face! Where do you get off trying to tell me about life? Come back when the warranty on your knees expires."

The only thing that I have ever done is put my fake, latex python on the porch. (His name was Monty, of course,) Unfortunately, he could not deter either the feral cats or the Jehovah's Witnesses in my neighborhood.

I have made a point of telling the religious visitors that I really, really know the Bible and have come to an informed decision on the subject. The cats were less than impressed by this.

[marlakay]

15. I never had the nerve but was tempted

To answer the door naked and say nothing just stand there. If they say anything I could say we are nudists here. I bet taken off list fast.

[Wicked Blue]

21. I have, when some demon or other possessed me

told a few of them:

"Sorry, we worship Satan here."

[niyad]

12. I used to have a sign that read "no peddlers allowed. I don't care what you are hawking,

including religion. The dog doesn't bite. I do."

Rather effective.

[2naSalit]

13. Nice!

[Danascot]

16. "Oh yes, please come in! Come in!

I so much to tell you about all our amazing herbal supplements!

[RainCaster]

19. I used to tell the phone solicitors...

... "thank you so much for calling, nobody wants to talk to me since I filed for bankruptcy".