facing my addictions

[Bertha Venation]

On May 6 I started on Medifast, a medically-supervised semi-fast of about 1000 cal per day. I am morbidly obese and was used to probably 2500-3000 per day. The first 3-4 weeks breezed by; I thought it was easy.

But the longer I stay on it, the harder it gets. It's amazing how much easier it got when I turned to rum. It was easier to stop my craving for a real lunch when I realized I could drink when I got home.

I drank right out of the bottle, and hid my drinking from my wife. I drank in the master bathroom, from the liter hidden under the sink or the pint in my night table drawer. I drank between a half pint and a pint almost every night. And my wife didn't know.

I liked drinking and wasn't ashamed of it. I was very ashamed of hiding it from my wife, so on the fourth I told her. She wasn't mad, or even hurt. She's very even-keeled, and she reminded me that she understands addiction.

So because I won't hide it from her, I won't be drinking anymore.

And now that I can't, both addictions are burying me, with food being by far the worst. I used to go to OA (a lifetime ago) and quickly realized that the AA/NA model does not work for compulsive over-eating. The body can live without alcohol. It is easier to give up something altogether. If I could stop eating altogether . . . but I can't.

My sister assures me that I am stronger than I think I am. I have found moments, and sometimes entire days, of strength. But I am going to need truckloads, shiploads of strength.

(Posted most of this in Addiction and Recovery.)

[NYC_SKP]

1. I'm wishing you well and sending you vibes.

Hope they help.

I'm certain that after you're done with the hard part that it will become easier, and easier by far than it was to be obese.

It takes vigilance to stay there, but doesn't have to be hard.

Good luck.

[riderinthestorm]

2. You've got a supportive partner. Cling to that. You've got a community here on DU

keep talking - every day if needs be.

You will come out of this on the other side, keep reminding yourself of your strength.

You've already come so far - focus on your progress.

Every day is a slog. But every day you succeed, and beat this, it will get easier. This is a low point and this is where you must dig deep to stay strong.

At the end, you will take a pic for all of us in your loveliest outfit and please know that we will have walked each step of the way with you.

Stay strong.

[HopeHoops]

3. Hang in there. For me the trick was eating slower and smaller portions.

It took a lot of discipline, but I dropped 50 lbs and I'm back to my normal weight now.

[Wounded Bear]

4. I've wrestled with those demons...

and your sister is right. You ARE stronger than you think you are.

While the AA model might not work for your food addiction, it is still important to have some kind of a support group. It sounds like you have a very understanding spouse, and sure, hang around here.

Best of luck and all the good wishes and MIPs I can offer go out to you.

[gvstn]

5. I know you said

Overeaters Anonymous didn't work for you but I just wanted to relate that my cousin responded very well to something his sponsor said to him.

He had been a yoyo dieter (just like his mother) all through his teen years. We roomed together in college. Every summer he would go on a very strict diet, weighing every mouthful. No exceptions, no freebies. Fresh baked toll-house cookies--nope--couldn't taste one. He would run miles every day and have lost the desired 40-60lbs. before the incoming freshmen girls arrived. Two months later he was back to gaining weight.

One year after joining OA and having a miserable time of it, ducking his sponsor's calls etc. His sponsor got a hold of him and something like "Why don't you give yourself permission to eat what ever you want for a month or so and see how you feel?". For some reason that seemed to click with him. He did eat everything he wanted for a few months but after that he seemed to get control of his weight and set a more realistic goal. He was never going to be comfortable at 180lb but somewhere in the 200-220lb or so range was doable. He has never really put on any more than that in almost 20 years.

I don't know why it worked, whether it was taking out the shame for a month or two that made the difference or what. But perhaps it is something like your deciding to decrease rather than increase your drinking after being honest with your wife about it?

I realize you are being medically supervised and I don't want to give contrary advice. I'm just relating a psychological experience and maybe accepting the cravings as not shameful will help you in some way.

You have my best vibes to help you with your current struggles!

[libodem]

6. It's a great life

If you don't weaken. Over eating is a hellofa an addiction. I've seen some stories about lap-band procedures producing cravings for sex or alcohol after the weight loss. You are brave to share your troubles. I'm pulling for you. So blessed that your wife is so wonderful and understanding.

One of my best friends is having her niece move in. She is bringing her girlfriend. They are also bringing a young man who is gay with them. We are about to get more diverse around here.

I got to meet said niece about a month ago when she escorted her 94 y/o grandmother here for a visit. Her mom is strict Christian, and she wrote my friend the most heart wrenching letter about feeling like she hadn't had a mom for the last 2 years, since she came out.

I knew you'd understand.

[hedgehog]

7. I wish I could tell you a fool proof way to deal with this.

I'd check out the Weight loss and maintenance group here.

I've been using a couple of free web sites -

http://www.loseit.com

and

http://www.sparkpeople.com

They might be a help for you.

[Honeycombe8]

8. I sympathize. I come from a family with several morbidly obese people.

I was on my way to becomong obese myself when I was in pubert. My mother weighed...well I can only guess. 300 lbs? 350? 275? Don't really know. My older sister weighs 250? Just a guess. My baby sister weighs maybe 200 to 215? Just a guess.

So I really sympathize with the problem. Can I offer a few tips? They may not do any good, but they helped me change my life around when I was much younger (I'm 58). I'm normal sized and have been since my mid teens, although I struggle with 30 pounds on and off.

Many years ago someone at school called me chubby. I also could see I was getting pretty hefty. I went to the dr. on my own (my mother wouldn't take me), to lose weight. He gave me a "diet" book, which I still have. And instructions on proper eating, as well as gauging my exercise.

That was the first time I'd heard of not eating at all at night, if all my Mom cooked was something fattening. I was not allowed to eat spaghetti. It wasn't allowed just because there was nothing else, or because I felt like it, or just a little of it. I wasn't allowed to eat fattening foods, period. I was aghast! First time I'd heard of NOT eating!

This new education in proper eating habits, coupled with my first, serious diet book, changed my life totally. The book was the Air Force Weight Control booklet or something. It has eating habits, patterns, an exercise section, and a calorie section.

#1. Education. It's important to know the calorie, fat, carb, sodium content of what you put in your mouth. This will have an effect over the years.

#2. Health and nutrition. In my adult life I started focusing on HEALTH and NUTRITION more than weight. This had a HUGE impact on my way of eating. Buy nutrition books and health books. In time you will become accustomed to thinking of many foods as cures for illnesses, sources of antioxidants, and other health-related things. It won't take away the craving for cinnamon rolls or candy. But I found myself eating more raw fruits & veggies, in addition to other health stuff, which stabilized my weight over the years. When I see a tomato, I see Vitamin C, and I notice the bright color. When I see broccoli, I see tons of vitamins packed into very few calories.

#3. Reminding myself that I can have (name a fattening food) at some other time. I don't HAVE to have it this time, or right now. It's not going anywhere. I love jelly beans. I buy them from time to time (a big bag). I eat a lot of 'em then throw them away. I can always buy more....later.

#4. I accepted at an early age that non-sugar versions of foods were not going to taste exactly like the original with sugar, but it was a close version and better than not having it at all. I noticed that the morbidly obese members of the family wouldn't accept substitutes. It had to be the original with sugar...nothing else would do.

#5. It's true we can't quit food altogether. But that's a good thing. We can at least have substitutes of our favorite candy, etc., and not have to try to give it up altogether, which for me, wasn't gonna happen.

#6. Focus on the positive. It's not what is bad for you...it's what there is out there that is good for you and that you like. I have tried to focus on that. I generally don't eat fried foods. But I loved baked chicken with the skin, which is not exactly diet food. But I love it, it's not as bad for me as fried chicken, so I focus on thinking of that as my special indulgence. Although I occasionally get fried chicken.

#7. No fast food places. No McDonald's, no Burger King, no Taco Bell. No rationalizing that getting this other thing there is okay. It's not. First, you're like an alcoholic. It's not good for an alcoholic to hang out in bars & think he can drink water. Sooner or later, he'll booze it up. For a person with a weight problem, learn to say, "I don't eat fast food." Period. Not only does it have tons of calories and fat, it's loaded with sodium, unhealthy, and you really don't know the ingredients going into that stuff. Google pink slime that people just learned about.


#8. Find something physical you like to do. You have to ENJOY it, or you won't do it. Anything that involves moving your legs and body. Walking? (no, not a treadmill. They're not fun.) Bicycling? Easy aerobic DVDs? I became more physical when I started being more an individual away from my sedentary family. I still am, pretty much. I do things that I like to do, I don't push to do it often or anything. I just try to use my body in a physical activity with some regularity. For me, it's walking, with sometimes aerobics tapes, and sometimes some light weights while watching tv. I have some yoga tapes that I do very occasionally. In my family, the obese people did nothing physical. They might tell you they do, and they swear to it pretty convincingly. But I knew, and know, that they did not, and do not. Nothing physical whatsoever. It's hard to get around when you're big, but there is something physical that everyone can do. Even someone in a wheelchair. Dancing to music at home? That's pretty fun.

If there's one thing that most morbidly obese people do, it's eat at fast food places.

My morbidly obese mother died at age 68 within half an hour after eating her last Taco Bell meal. I've never eaten at a Taco Bell since, and I rarely eat at a fast food place. It's just terrible for the body.

Focus on health, health, health. Nutrition. Nutrition. Nutrition. And education. I found it does help to know what the nutritive content of various foods is. I was shocked when I found out that avacados have like 600 calories! That little thing? I can recommend a great nutrition/healing book, if you want. It's like an encyclopedia.

Good luck! Keep a can-do, positive attitude. It's hard. But if you focus on what you CAN have and CAN do, and try to have fun, it's easier, IMO.

[applegrove]

9. I've started snacking on fresh snow peas and a tiny amount of low fat dip. Yummy. Yes addictions are

tough. Try going for a walk and savouring that for an hour a night. Something to look forward to.... a change of routine.... new reward system. Good luck Bertha. Remember your goal is to enjoy a wonderful vacation at the end of this. You can do it!!!

[turtlerescue1]

10. IF it were easy, it would matter a lot less.

Take this huge challenge and beat the fire out of it!

Too many don't have the mate you have next to you. Doesn't mean its less harder, but it means there is a support system that is kind not harsh.

Don't beat yourself up, its too hard on determination. ANY ounce-sing to yourself. really.

Hopes and wishes for you to be strong, determined and safe.

[mnhtnbb]

11. Bertha, you don't have to give up real food to lose weight.

Last edited Sun Jul 8, 2012, 06:15 AM - Edit history (1)

I'll say that again. You can lose weight and eat real food.
The key is learning portion control and eating LOTS of fresh veggies combined with the appropriate amounts of
fruit/smart carbs/protein.

Personally, I'm a fan of Nutrisystem (lost 40 lbs on it) but you can do the same thing
with Weight Watchers (on-line if you don't want to go to meetings) or Jenny Craig.
All three programs will teach you the science of combining foods in the right amounts
during the day to keep yourself FULL and lose weight at the rate of 1-2 lbs/week.

But, you have to also turn the corner with the fact that NONE of these programs
is a diet--they represent lifestyle changes in the way you approach nourishing your body.

Good luck!

[Baitball Blogger]

12. You hang in there BV.

We're rooting for you. Be sure to give us updates.

[hibbing]

13. hang in there

Hi,
I wish you the best of luck with both of these struggles. I hope as the days go by, you will notice the changes that take place and that you start feeling better and that will be an additional motivation for you.

I enjoy your posts here in the Lounge.

Peace

[handmade34]

14. be strong

and if you can't, ask for help... yours is a very difficult journey... it is doable

[blueknight]

15. bertha

i wish i were educated/smart enough to give you great advice. but i can tell you this, i KNOW you can do it if you put your mind to it. you are an amazing,smart person. good luck!

[blue neen]

16. I really admire what you're doing.

There may actually be some brain chemical effect from the Medifast. For example, carbohydrates help your body produce serotonin, a brain chemical that helps to calm you down. If you previously ate a lot of carbs, your body could possibly be craving serotonin. That could be what led you to start drinking in an effort to calm your brain and body, so to speak.

What's important is that you recognized that it had become a problem. Maybe you could speak to the doctor who is administering the diet about it.

You deserves kudos for your bravery!

[hedgehog]

18. I can attest to that - I tried to go low carb and was climbing

the walls even though I wasn't hungry. A little adjustment with my medications and I was doing better all around!

[hedgehog]

17. I'm so glad I spotted this thread again -

I was thinking of you today nad hoping for the best for the upcoming week. Ten minutes at a time!