A few risque jokes for the end-of-the-week (slightly cleaned up)
A cop is eating lunch at a diner when he overhears a elderly couple, in there 80s, talking.
The man says "do you remember this place?"
The woman answers "of course. Behind this diner is where we first had sex."
The man says "what do you say we do it again?"
The woman giggles and says "why not?" And they both get up to leave.
The cop was taken aback by this and was curious so he decides to follow them. He follows them as they slowly walk behind the dinner. When they go behind the diner he decides he will just stay there to make sure no one bothers them. He then watches as the lady slowing lifts her dress and the man drops his pants.
The man the grabs the fence in front of him and starts just going at it full force, like a stallion with his first mare. The cops was taking aback. This guy seemed to have more stamina then anyone in the world.
When they where done the couple starts walking out of the ally and the cop decides to talk to the man. He had to know how he was able to do that.
The cop said "how are you able to keep going like that even in your age?"
The man smiled and answered "well for starters, 60 years ago that fence wasn't electric."
Larry comes home to find a gorilla on his roof. After calling several animal control numbers in the phone book, he finally calls a man who thinks he can handle this gorilla.
The man arrives at the house in a white pickup truck with his dog in the passenger seat and a rifle in the back. He hands the rifle to Larry and says "So here's what we're gonna do: I'm going to climb up onto your roof and scare the gorilla off. Once he hits the ground, I've trained my dog to go bite his testicles and shake them until the gorilla passes out. After that I'll load him up and go release him in the hills." Larry thinks about it and decides the plan isn't half bad and may actually work. "But why'd you give me the rifle?" "If I fall off the roof, shoot the dog."
There’s a bar right outside the town I live in that’s a hot spot for people driving through town.
One night this guy walks in and sees a jar full of $10, $20, $50, even a couple $100 bills in there. So he asks the bartender, “How does somebody win that tip jar?”
Bartender says, “That’s for anyone who can make the horse in the back laugh.”
So he strolls to the back where the horse is, closes the door, and a couple minutes later he walks out and the horse is laughing uncontrollably. He casually takes the tip jar on his way out.
Couple months later he enters the same bar and sees and even bigger jar full of cash, so he asks the bartender how to win this one.
“That’s for anybody who can make the horse STOP laughing.”
The man gets up, walks to the back and, sure enough, a couple minutes later he walks out and the horse is dead silent. The man grabs the tip jar and is walking away and the bartender says, “Hey wait! I gotta know, how did you do it?”
The man says, “Well the first time, I told him my **** was bigger than his. The second time, I showed him.”
More:
https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ms4o9t/what_are_your_funniest_nsfw_jokes/
= new reply since forum marked as read
the first one