Disney Acquires All Of America's Children For $52 Billion
BURBANK, CAIn a landmark deal that had reportedly been in the works for months, The Walt Disney Company acquired all of Americas children Wednesday for $52 billion.
Weve been fans of Americas youth for a long time now, and were excited to finally have them join our robust portfolio of properties, said Disney CEO Bob Chapek, explaining how the nations 73 million adolescents would be under the complete and total control of the company as part of the historic agreement.
All of your little boys and girls will play a key role in our strategy going forward into Q1 of next year. Of course, theyre still the kids you know and love, but they will now function as assets managed under the Disney umbrella.
Chapek also informed the nations parents that they would have an opportunity to come forward and surrender their children before the company begins taking them by force.
https://www.theonion.com/disney-acquires-all-of-america-s-children-for-52-billi-1848076101